


Room 105

by Nelly-Belly (Nelleri)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: (rape is not between eren and levi), Abduction, Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, Date Rape Drug/Roofies, Hospital, M/M, Masturbation, Minor Character Death, Non-Binary Hange Zoë, Psych Ward, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self Harm, Violence, Voyeurism, i swear this ends happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-06
Updated: 2014-08-24
Packaged: 2018-01-23 18:42:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 50,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1575638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nelleri/pseuds/Nelly-Belly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren finally started his residency at the hospital his father reigns over. Being the new kid, he's got to deal with picking up the work no one wants to do. Namely, taking care of the patients in the Psych Ward. In his initial rounds, he meets a patient named Levi with a very... intriguing condition.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> ::EDIT:: There is now fanart for chapters [1](http://under-my-umbrivaille.tumblr.com/post/89599263862/those-are-for-nelly-belly-fo-felly-at-first-i-was) and [14](http://under-my-umbrivaille.tumblr.com/post/97209846622/turns-out-i-cant-draw-official-art-style-and-i) by under-my-umbrivaille. And chapter [18](http://mewmewtalinaxd.deviantart.com/art/Room-105-I-love-you-498720655) and [10](http://www.deviantart.com/art/Room-105-I-Miss-You-503180656) by mewtalina. Never enough thanks for these angels T u T
> 
>  
> 
> Beta'd by [OtakuTrash_of_England](http://otakutrash-of-london.tumblr.com/)  
> [He is amazing x_x and I love him.](http://archiveofourown.org/users/OtakuTrash_of_England/pseuds/OtakuTrash_of_England)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FANART!!

“Hey, you’re Dr. Jaeger’s kid, right?”

I turned to see a tall, older guy standing behind me, impatiently tapping his foot while he flipped through the papers on his clipboard.

“Uh, yes sir. I am. Name is Eren.”

“Right. Well welcome to the nightshift here at Shinganshina Hospital.” He finally peeled his eyes from the documents he held to give me a once over. He smirked as he said, “Your old man told me not to go easy on you. Considering you’re the newest resident, I’ll give you the usual treatment for the new scrubs. I’m assigning you to Psychiatrics for the night.”

“Uhm… but I’m not studying in Psychology..?” I meekly attempted to protest.

“No need. Just make sure the whackos are still breathing. Petra is the head nurse on duty in that wing right now, find her and ask her what you can do. And good luck… Jaeger.” He turned to head down the hall, but not before flashing me a condescending smirk, first.

Honestly, what bullshit. I was studying to become a cardiologist, damnit. Not a fucking psychologist. But whatever, my pops had warned be about the hospitals charming way of hazing; which was to basically assign the new residents the tasks that no one else wanted to do.

Since my dad had worked at this same hospital for years, I already knew the place like the back of my hand. So, grudgingly, I made my way towards the Psych Ward. Once there I found Petra standing by the main desk with a cart loaded with tiny cups filled with assorted pills, and larger cups with water.

“Oh good! I was told I’d be having a helping hand tonight! Look, I’ve been on my feet for the past 5 hours and I desperately need a break. Think you can handle doling out the meds?”

I glanced at the numerous cups and looked back to her apprehensively, “Uh…” I muttered.

She giggled, “Oh they shouldn’t give you any trouble. Dinner was about a half hour ago, so they should be sated. Under each cup is a paper with the room number of the corresponding patient. The doors only lock from the inside.” She slipped her hand in the pocket of her pink scrubs and pulled out a card. “Swipe this through the card reader in the room to unlock it, though you shouldn’t have any need to go into a patient’s room. They’re usually really good about taking their pills.”

I took the card from her and put it into my pocket, trying to catch everything she said at her rapid speed. “Room 104 is a sort of mixed bag. Bertolt, he can either be the quietest, shyest person, or he can be a colossal pain in the ass. He has violent mood swings, so watch out for that. There is a panic switch outside each room that will alert both me and security, should the need arise.”

She turned to head towards the break room, but she stopped and spun around to face me again. “I almost forgot! …He’s such a timid thing, but Room 105, Levi. When you give him his pills, do _not_ look at him. Not even a glance. Keep your eyes to the ground.” She paused letting the daunting words hang heavy for a moment before her perky smile brightened her face once more, “And that’s about it! Good luck, and thanks!” Then she was gone.

I looked down at the packed cart of pills. Lifting the first cup, I saw the room number and headed towards it. Just like Petra said, they were actually very calm. Not at all what I was expecting, but television always made Psych Wards seem like such a hectic, chaos filled place. Here, the patients seemed pretty normal, aside from the fact they had to be locked in their own rooms…

Eventually I made it to the room I dreaded the most, Room 104. I tapped lightly on the door to signal I was there before I gripped the handle and opened it. I saw a tall figure, standing in the furthest corner of the room; he had his hands over his face, shoulders shaking violently.

I took a deep breath, “Bertolt?” I said calmly, though my heart was racing. His head jerked up and his face was stained with tears. “It’s time for your medicine…” I continued.

His face contorted in confusion, his head cocking to the side. As he spoke, his voice cracked, “You… You know that I had to do it, right? I … I _had_ to do it.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat as I held the small plastic cup out to him. Still holding the door open so I could escape if need be, I stepped inside the threshold. “Here Bertolt, take these please…” The pills rattled in the small plastic cup as my arm shook with nerves.

It happened in mere seconds:  his face morphed into such a mask of anger my feet rooted to the spot in fear. He lurched across the room and gripped my wrist, the pills clattering out of the cup from the force.

“I HAD TO FUCKING DO IT. THEY HAD TO DIE. DON’T YOU _SEE THAT!?_ ” he screamed.

I released the cup and focused my energy on tearing his iron grip from my wrist. I could feel the bones grinding together from how tightly he was clutching me. Somehow, I managed to get free and I scrambled out of the room, slamming the door behind me.

I narrowly missed knocking over the entire cart of medication as my momentum carried me until my back collided with the door across the hall. I stared for a moment in horror at Bertolt’s door, as it rattled in the frame, the loud banging of him slamming against it making my blood run cold.

Out of sheer terror, and I guess a little bit of stupidity, I fumbled with the door handle of the room behind me before it gave and I stumbled backwards into darkness. I fell flat on my back, the tile floor incredibly unforgiving, as the heavy door swung shut in front of me.

Vaguely, I could still make out the sound of Bertolt ramming into his door, but it was muffled. I took a deep breath and made to stand, rubbing my aching wrist. The room was practically pitch black. Holding my hands out in front of me, I tried to find my way to a wall, or door, or _something_.

I quietly fumed about the way the night had turned out. I shouldn’t even _be_ in Psychiatrics, let alone dealing with patients by myself. My anger increased as I stumbled over something and fell to the tile once again, this time landing on my face.

I grunted at the impact and started swearing under my breath, when I heard a faint chuckling coming from my left. I quickly turned towards the source of the sound, blinking my eyes in an attempt to get used to the lack of light.

“Who—Who’s there?” I asked, the faintest feeling of fear creeping up the back of my neck.

“Well, shouldn’t you know? You are in _my_ room after all.” A gruff voice responded.

“I’m sorry, it’s my first night. I didn’t mean to barge into your room; I don’t even know which room I’m in right now…” I trailed off.

“105…” The voice sounded like its owner had come closer towards me.

“...Oh, yeah I think Petra mentioned you—Levi, right?” My eyes were starting to adjust and I could faintly make out the silhouette of the person in the room. At this point all I could tell is that they were shorter than me, and had a slender body type. At least I wouldn’t need to worry about any superhuman strength with him. But what was it Petra had mentioned?

I heard him gasp quietly, “Y-yeah… That’s me.”

The shakiness of his voice made my alert rise. Fearing the worst, I tried to focus on his figure, squinting my eyes until…

“Ohhhh… _Fuck_ ” he moaned the words as he fell to his knees. Now being able to see a little better, I quickly rushed to kneel in front of him.

“Levi!? What’s wrong!? Are you hurt!?” I skimmed my eyes over him, looking for an injury. His body writhed as breathy moans left his lips.

“Holy… Holy shit. S-Stop… Stop looking at me.” And that’s when it hit me, what Petra had said about this one.

I jerked my head to the side, covering my eyes with my hands as I lowered my head. “Oh my god I’m so sorry, I forgot.”

He was still breathing heavily as he replied, “Don’t worry about it, I’m guessing she didn’t explain it well enough.”

“She just told me to not look at you?”

He scoffed. “Yeah, I figured. No one in this place believes me when I try to tell them my condition. No CT scans or any other tests backed me up so they just threw me in here.”

“What’s your condition?” I asked cautiously.

Sighing, he said “I think it’s some form of Synesthesia. My friend Hanji helped me diagnose myself. Started up about a year ago after I received a blow to the back of the head. Hanj said some of my wires got crossed. We came up with the name ‘Sensus-Vizio’.”

With my medical background it was easy to understand the Latin words. “Vision Feeling?” I asked, to be sure.

“Yep. I can physically feel when someone looks at me. As if your eyes were hands that were touching me. It’s disgusting, honestly. Some people, it hurts when they look at me. Their gaze feels like thousands of needles tearing at my skin. Some people burn me; some just feel out right revolting. It’s never been pleasant… Except… except for you.”

I fought the urge to glance at him to try to read his face. Instead I stared down in confusion at the floor, “What do you mean by that?”

I heard his clothes rustling as he crawled towards me. He held my wrists, his cool fingers pleasantly tugging my hands away from my face. He then cupped my chin and turned my head towards him. I kept my eyes shut, not wanting to harm him.

“Open your eyes…” he was so close that I could feel the breath of his words ghost over my lips.  
Slowly, I cracked open a lid and peered into his dark eyes, the dark circles underneath spoke of days without sleep. The moment we made eye contact his head fell back and he moaned up to the ceiling. I watched as his eyes screwed shut and his knees shook under him.

“You… you and those gorgeous fuckin’ eyes… feel so good…” he managed to say between gasps. “I-I can’t even, explain it. It’s never felt like this before.”

I continued to watch him as he writhed like he was being touched in all the right places. I felt arousal stirring in my pants from the sight. “I-I should probably go…” I said, though I made no move to leave. I was completely enraptured by the being before me.

He pulled himself together for a moment and lunged towards me. “No…” his voice had turned dark, almost threatening. “You’re getting turned on from watching me fall apart under your gaze… I can _feel_ it in how you’re looking at me. Filthy brat…”

He pushed me down onto my back and pressed our hips together. I could feel the wetness he’d been leaking through my scrubs… as well as his rock hard member throbbing against my own. A small moan escaped my lips and I could feel him smirking as he bit at my neck.

In a last attempt to claim innocence I said, “I-I can’t do this, I’ll get fired.”

His hips had taken up a sweet cadence of grinding against me, and when he replied his voice was breathless and pleading, “Please… I’ve been here for over a year feeling nothing but pain and disgust… _God_ please.” He sounded so damn pathetic I couldn’t fight it anymore.

I rolled us over so I was on top, looking down at him as his head craned back in pleasure. “Fuck…” I muttered, “You could cum just from me looking at you, huh?”

Through a moan he chuckled and said, “Shit, probably… but I’d rather have your cock rammed up my ass.”

My breath hitched at his words. I’d only ever had sex in the most vanilla sense, well, as vanilla as you consider gay sex. This was on an entire new plane of sexuality, and I was quickly losing my mind in a blurred haze of arousal like I’d never felt before.

I felt him sliding my pants down, at that point I fully gave in and reached down to pull his thin hospital pants off completely. “Damn it, _damn it_ … I can get in so much shit for this…” I mumbled this; even as I reached down to grip his dripping cock.

He cried out in pleasure as I looked down at his member, trailing my eyes down to his balls. “I don’t give a fuck—ah!—about how much shit you’ll get. I _need this_.” His voice warbled between his normal deep tone, and a high pitch whine.

With my hand now coated in his pre-cum, I leaned back and looked at his twitching hole before sliding a wet finger inside. The noises he emitted made my dick throb painfully. I wanted to just ram it inside him, but it was bad enough I was going to fuck a patient. I didn’t want to hurt him while I was at it.

“M-more!” he practically screamed. Hastily I shoved two additional fingers inside him, reveling in how tight he felt. His hips were gyrating erratically against my hand. He suddenly reached down with one hand to firmly grip the base of his cock.

“If you don’t get inside of me right fucking now, I’m going to blow my load and you’ll miss your chance.” He growled.

Not wanting to waste another precious second, I gripped his thighs and roughly spread him wider. I quickly pumped myself a couple times, slathering my own pre-cum over my cock before I pressed the head to his quivering hole. Achingly slow, I pushed forward, finally breaching the tight ring of muscle.

We both held our breath as I continued to press into him. Once I was bottomed out in that glorious heat, I exhaled heavily, blinking open my eyes that I hadn’t realized I shut. The second my eyes fluttered open I felt him constrict tightly around me as he moaned.

“Aaah… Move! Fucking move!”

Obeying, I snapped my hips back before plowing forward again, quickly settling on a violently fast pace. The sound of his ass smacking against my hips was music to my ears, as were his constant cries of pleasure.

My eyes slid shut as I drowned in euphoria, he was so damn tight. I could tell he hadn’t been fucked in a long time. I was suddenly brought out of my moment as he harshly slapped my ass. Looking down at him I saw the anger on his face morph into bliss as his walls tightened around me once again.

“D-Don’t you d-dare look away.” He mumbled.

I raked my gaze over his entire body as I continued to slam into him, feeling climax fast approaching.

“Levi… Levi I’m gonna…”

“Yes… Fucking _yes_ … Fill me, cum inside me _god please_!” the desperation in his voice as his hands gripped for purchase in vain at the tile under him had me releasing in uncontrollable hot spurts. I pressed into him as deep as I could while his walls clamped down impossibly tight around me as I rode out my orgasm

As I finished cumming I leaned over him and stared straight into his eyes. I watched as they widened in shock as his orgasm took over, a high pitch keen bubbling up in the back of his throat. His body convulsed beautifully while his load painted his shirt in thick white, but I kept my eyes on his until he’d finished, until he was gasping for breath as his body twitched in the aftershock.

I pulled out slowly, amused at how his body seemed to want to suck me back inside. I looked at him and smirked, but he only screwed his face up in what seemed like pain.

“Fuck… Stop looking at me, too sensitive right now.”

A little disheartened, I looked away and pulled my pants back up. I listened as he took off his soiled shirt and put his own pants back on.

“You uh… you mind getting me another shirt? Behind the nurse’s station there’s a cabinet filled with them. I’m not putting this disgusting thing back on” He asked awkwardly, sliding the shirt across the floor towards me.

“Yeah, of course.” I said before I stood, grabbing his dirty shirt off the floor as I did so.

I stepped out into the blindingly bright hallway, the forgotten cart of medication still waiting outside the room. Hopefully Petra wouldn’t be back from her break yet…

The nurse’s station was empty, and I was left to assume Petra was still napping, or whatever she was doing. I searched through a few cabinets before finding the one filled with hospital garments. I grabbed a size small and headed back towards room 105.

As my usual courtesy, I knocked before turning the handle. Keeping my eyes trained on the ground I held the shirt out in one arm. I felt the fabric leave my hand before a second later my vision was gone. I reached up and realized he was holding the shirt over my eyes. In the same moment I noticed this, I felt something warm against my mouth…

His lips… It wasn’t a rushed, or lust-filled kiss, it was gentle. The total opposite of the frantic fuck session we’d just had. I felt his body press up against me as he deepened this kiss, letting his tongue slowly lick across my bottom lip before he pulled away.

“Thanks, doctor… I feel much better now.” he whispered, and I could hear the flirty smirk in his soft voice.

When the garment was removed and I opened my eyes, it was to the door shutting in my face.

Something deep within me realized in that moment: this wouldn’t be the last time I’d be in Psychiatrics.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren worries that Levi might tell someone of the night they had together...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember when I said this was a oneshot? NO LONGER. A few lovelies asked me to continue this so I'm gonna give it a shot. This is my first posted fic ever, so I'm going to do my best to update once a week, but don't kill me if things start to lag :s I've never done this before... be gentle.

I woke up at around 3pm the next day. Sitting up and tiredly rubbing my eyes with my fists, I reflected back on how my first night at the hospital went.

_I_ _fucked_ _a patient from Psychiatrics…_

I sighed and threw the covers off myself. At least he was a hot patient? That counts for something right? No, of course not. If he told anyone about what we did, I’d be kicked out of the field of medicine so quickly my ass would still be burning by the time it hit the pavement.

And honestly, how well could I trust him to keep a secret? He _was_ in the Psych Ward after all. God, I had really screwed up. I thought maybe I should go talk to him, make sure he wouldn’t tell anyone. I’d be working the graveyard shift again, so chances were staff would be light enough that I could sneak over there.

After a quick shower and shoving some toast and coffee down my gullet, I dressed in scrubs and headed out. I checked my rear-view mirror to see the mangled mass of hair on top of my head. Trying and failing to tame it, I backed out of my spot and made my way to the hospital.

Usually residents were set in groups, and assigned a doctor to watch over them. Luckily for me I didn’t have to deal with that since my dad was the Chief of Medicine at Shinganshina. He pulled some strings and made it so that I didn’t have to be babied. I guess he trusted my competency as a doctor because I’m his son.

_Oh, if you only knew…_

Anyway, since I didn’t have rounds to attend to, I hunted down that same doctor who had sent me to Psychiatrics the previous night. He was an old friend of my father’s, and since I rarely saw my dad around, I figured he’d be the person to report to. I spotted him by the nurse’s station dropping off some files.

“Uh, excuse me, sir. Dr. Hannes? Where would you like me tonight?” I asked, doing my best to sound respectful. I may be the son of the Chief of Medicine, but that doesn’t mean I can throw my weight around.

He ignored me for a moment, still rifling through his stack of papers. When he finally glared in my direction his face lit up. “Ah! Jaeger’s boy! Petra told me you barely managed to hand out half the medication to the nut-jobs in Psychiatrics last night?”

I shuffled my feet and looked away, “Yes sir. I had an altercation with a patient.”

“I see… Well maybe if I send you somewhere with a little… slower pace, you’ll be able to get your job done? You’re in Geriatrics tonight. But don’t worry you’ll have a friend with you.”

I shrank back at his words. Geriatrics? That is the _last_ place I wanted to be tonight. However, with no choice in the matter, I found myself in the ward that reeked of Bengay and death. To make matters worse, the “friend” that Dr. Hannes had mentioned was Jean fucking Kirstein.

I groaned out loud when I saw him pushing a cart loaded with all the necessities to give a sponge bath. He turned in my direction and his face twisted in displeasure. He pulled his mask down so I could see his deep frown in all its entirety.

“You’re shitting me. Not only do I have to scrub down these wrinkly old-timers, but now I have to deal with _your_ uppity ass?” he spat.

I returned his glare, “I’m no more pleased about this than you are, horse-face.”

Ever since med school, Kirstein and I never got along. He got into medicine for all the wrong reasons. Thought he could live it easy if he were a doctor, get all the women and get a fat paycheck to boot. I tried explaining to him that it’s about _saving lives,_ but he just wrote me off, calling me an idealist and “uppity.”

Then an idea struck me, “Hey, Jean… How long have you been here?”

He eyed me suspiciously before answering, “About four hours, why?”

“Why don’t we take turns? You got here before me so why don’t you go on like a couple hour break. When you get back, I’ll go on break. That way we won’t have to… _work together_.” Those were two words I never wanted to utter when talking about Jean…

He stared off at the wall, considering what I had said. Finally, he let his head fall and sighed, “As much as I loathe admitting it, that’s not a bad idea.” He pulled the sponge out of the tub of water and flung it in my direction, effectively rendering the front of my shirt sopping wet as I caught it.

“God damn it, Jean!” I snarled as he walked by, smacking me on the shoulder.

“Go get ‘em tiger!” he laughed.

After a couple hours, all the patients had been given their baths. It was a pretty awful experience, and it didn’t help that most of them kept calling me “nurse.” But, _finally_ Jean returned from his break. As soon as I saw him approaching, I immediately headed in the other direction. I didn’t feel like talking to him right now, especially since I had finished all the hard work and all he had to do was go pick up the prescriptions from the pharmacy and hand them out.

I confidently strutted towards Psychiatrics, hoping that if I looked like I belonged there, no one would question it. Unfortunately, it was Petra behind the nurse’s station once again and she instantly crinkled her brow when she saw me walk through the doors.

“Eren? What are you doing over here? No one told me you’d be helping again tonight.”

I searched my brain for a response and came up with, “Ah, well… I finished my work over in Geriatrics so I thought I would come by and see if you needed any assistance?”

She smiled cheerfully, “Well, the medicine has already been passed out. But tonight is game night! So the patients who are more stable are allowed to go to the Commons and hang out before bed-time. Why don’t you head in there and keep an eye on things?”

I grabbed a spare key card off the counter behind the nurse’s station and headed toward the Commons room, peeking inside from the doorway. There were already a couple of nurses in there, leaning against the wall and watching the patients like hawks. I tried to see if Levi was in there, when I realized that would be silly. Why would he willingly go in a room where he could be seen by so many people?

I backed away and started towards Room 105. My heart started picking up pace as I got closer. I didn’t even know what I was going to say. ‘Hey remember how I fucked you into oblivion last night? You mind keeping that a secret? Thanks.’

Far before I was ready, I found myself in front of his door, staring at the gold numbers screwed into the wood. Taking a deep breath, I told myself I _needed_ to clear this up. So, I raised a fist, and lightly tapped on the door before grasping the handle. 

I opened the door just a crack, and I couldn’t see anyone in the darkness behind it. Faster than I had a chance to realize what was happening, the door flew open and I was pulled inside, hearing it click shut behind me as I was shoved against it.

There was something wet and warm sliding up my neck, and a small body pushing heavily into mine. “Fuck, I thought you wouldn’t come back…” Levi’s deep voice vibrated against my throat as he spoke, sending chills through me. He paused for a moment and inhaled, “You smell disgusting…”

I managed to gasp out “Sorry, I was in Geriatrics tonight.” He returned to biting and licking at my neck. I felt myself melting into his ministrations before my conscious spoke out loudly in my head. This isn’t what I came here for…

I grabbed him by the shoulders and held him back at arm’s distance. Looking down at the floor as I realized my eyes were adjusting to the darkness “No… No Levi I came here to make sure you were okay. And that… you know… you wouldn’t tell anyone about what happened.”

I felt him slump in my arms before he roughly shook my hands off him. I heard his footsteps retreat towards his bed, the springs whining as he plopped down onto the mattress. “Yeah.” He sounded pissed, “Yeah I won’t tell anyone. Now kindly fuck off.”

I instantly regretted my words. He wasn’t totally off his rocker like some of the other patients. He fully grasped what had occurred between us, and he knew right now I was rejecting him. My heart sank and guilt washed over me.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for it to come off like that… but I can’t fraternize with patients.” I tried.

“Tch—I shouldn’t even _be_ in this shitty ward. I’m not fucking mental.” He growled.

I made my way over to his bed, eyes never leaving the floor. I sat next to him and put my hand on his thigh, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “I know you aren’t. I believe you.”

His whole body tensed, and I could feel him staring at me. When he spoke, his voice was a whisper, “Y-you do?”

I nodded my head, staring into my lap, “I do.”

Silence consumed the room for a few moments. “Hanji.” he said, breaking the silence, “You need to find Hanji. With their help, you can prove to the people here that I’m not crazy. Then I can finally get out of this hellhole.”

“How can they even keep you here against your will?” I asked

I felt his shoulder shrug against mine, “I may have tried to scratch some doctors’ eyes out.”

He chuckled as I gasped in horror. “They didn’t understand the amount of pain they were giving me just by looking at me. No… It’s not that they didn’t understand, they didn’t believe me, and they didn’t _care_. It was excruciating, all those eyes on me…” he shuddered at the memory. “I guess in that moment I kind of lost it. I just wanted the pain to stop…”

I patted his knee, “It’s okay, I understand. I’ll try to help you. How can I find this Hanji?”

“Last time I spoke to them, they were a professor at Sina University. Professor Zoe.”

Storing away the information and nodding, I stood from the bed. “Alright, I’ll get into contact with them.” I began to step towards the door when slender finger slid around my wrist, gently pulling me back.

“Before you go… will you look at me? Please?” His voice was dripping with want, already. I let my head roll back to stare at the darkened ceiling. He lifted my captured wrist to his mouth and began sucking on the sensitive skin. The sensation went straight to my groin and I turned on my heel to look at him.

He dropped my wrist as his body shook, head lolling back as he let out a deep moan. “Ahh…”

I bit my lip as I watched him lie back on the bed, hips making small thrusts into the open air. I could see clearly the outline of his hardening cock through his pants. As I stared at the bulge, it throbbed noticeably and a wet spot seeped through the fabric at the tip.

He slipped a hand under his shirt and began rolling his nipple between his fingers, hips never ceasing their desperate twitching. Loud pants interrupted by lewd moans filled my ears.

“I shouldn’t be doing this…” I spoke my conscious aloud.

“Nnnng!” he whimpered, “You aren’t doing a-anything… Hah… Just… l-looking at me…” His free hand hooked its fingers around the waistband of his pants before tugging them down, his engorged flesh springing out of its confines to smack wetly against his exposed stomach.

At this point, I couldn’t have looked away if I wanted to. He looked so beautifully erotic, back arching off the bed, one hand tangling into his sheets while the other continued to abuse his nipples.

His panting became quickened as his thrusts became more desperate. He was getting close–just from my stare. His head was craned back so I couldn’t see his face. Instead I trailed my eyes down to his cock. I watched as it pulsed hard several times, his balls tightening under it as it shot thick streams of cum into the air, a strangled moan ripping out of him while he convulsed in ecstasy.

Knowing the drill, I looked away. As much as I wanted to watch him come down from his high, I settled for listening to him trying to catch his breath. “So…” I began, awkwardly, “I’ll go get you a new shirt?”

He chuckled breathily, “Yeah, thanks.”

Before exiting the room I tucked my painfully obvious erection up into the waistband of my scrubs, squinting my eyes against the bright halogen lights as I emerged from the darkened room.

I headed towards the nurse’s station and flashed Petra a smile when I saw her at the desk, but she was too busy with a phone call to give me any notice. I quickly grabbed a shirt from the cupboard behind her and hurried back to Levi’s room.

After I knocked on the door, I heard him speak from the other side, “Keep your eyes closed.” Dutifully, I shut my eyes and turned the handle of the door. After the garment was tugged from my grasp I felt his hands slip up into my hair, pulling my head down.

His lips met mine, and this time I actually had the sense to reciprocate. I slipped my tongue into his mouth and felt the vibration of a moan against my lips. I smiled into the kiss, even as he bit roughly at my bottom lip. He gave me one last peck before quickly pulling away and slamming the door.

 _Damn…_ I thought… _Just as my boner was starting to go away._

I awkwardly waddled to the nearest supply closet. Shutting myself inside, I dropped my pants to my knees and quickly began to work over my cock, the imagery of Levi writhing under my gaze and cumming all over himself, untouched, still fresh in my mind. The way his cock bounced with each hard spurt as he came… The way his thighs flexed as he desperately fucked the air… His raspy breaths turning to uncontrolled whines of pleasure while his body succumbed to ecstasy…

I pumped frantically, precum quickly coating my length. I grabbed a nearby rag just in time to catch my load as my head flew back, mouth agape in a silent scream. Breathing heavily, I pulled my pants back up. I wiped my hand on a dry portion of the rag and shoved the dirtied cloth into the corner behind an array of brooms and mops.

Feeling sated, and in a much better mood. I wandered back to Geriatrics, where I found Jean huddled in the corner of a patient’s room, his hands raised defensively. He managed to make it out of the room, just as a remote smacked into the door.

“God! Crazy old _bitch!_ ” he grumbled.

I chuckled, “Getting remotes thrown at you, huh, Jean? You must need to work on your bedside manner…”

He scoffed loudly and arrogantly, “Like you’re any better?”

I smiled inwardly and glanced away, “Oh yeah… Patients can’t get _enough_ of me…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Hey let's be friends and share homo-erotic fanart with eachother](http://nelleri.tumblr.com/)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren pays a visit to Professor Zoe at Sina University.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you've all enjoyed the smut so far, because there's none in this chapter :S sorry 'bout it but I had to like... do plot stuff. I hope you still like it TuT

It was rather easy to locate Professor Zoe at Sina University. Everyone I asked gave a sort of exasperated roll of the eyes and pointed me in the right direction. Eventually, I found myself outside of a large building dedicated to the study of Biology. Inside I asked a few more people where to find Professor Zoe, and in no time I found myself outside of a door with a plaque engraved with their name.

I raised my hand in order to knock when a loud shriek pierced my ears from the other side of the door. I jolted backwards right as a young woman burst through the door, her face a mask of blatant terror as she brushed by me and ran down the hall.

I stood there, practically shell-shocked, staring at the girl’s retreating form. Someone sighed in front of me and I whipped my head to see a tall person with a messy ponytail, and glasses with a strap that wrapped around their head like goggles. They were looking down the hall and disappointedly shaking their head in the direction that girl had fled.

“Such a shame…” they mumbled, “We were so close to a breakthrough.”

“P-Professor Zoe?” I stuttered.

They turned towards me in surprise like they had just realized my presence. “Oh, hello! Who might you be?”

I was out of my scrubs so I probably just looked like another student. “Oh, my name is Eren Jaeger; I’m a resident at Shinganshina Hospital. I’m here to talk to you about a patient named Levi?”

At the mention of Shinganshina their face went from cheerful to morose. “I see.” They deadpanned, “Come in, why don’t you?”

I followed them into the room, which looked like a sort of lab that was run by a maniacal scientist. From the scene that took place moments ago, I figured maybe that description wasn’t too far off. There were papers strewn about everywhere, stacks of books on nearly every available flat surface, and numerous diagrams and models of the human brain splayed across tables.

They led me to what I assumed was their personal desk by the large computer screen. There was currently nothing on the screen, but I noticed a chair in front of the desk with wires all over it hooked to some type of machine.

I stood there idly while the professor procured a chair for me to sit. They sat across from me and smiled warmly from behind their desk, this momentarily brought my nerves down. However, they skyrocketed once again when I saw a furry brown ball with long hairy legs, crawling towards me on the desk.

My eyes widened and I lurched backwards in my seat, letting out a strangled yelp of surprise. Hanji chuckled and scooped the tarantula up with their bare hands. “So sorry! Moblit here was helping me to cure that girl of her arachnophobia.” They set the arachnid on their shoulder like some kind of twisted  pet parrot. “Though, I guess I should have warned her we’d be playing with direct stimuli today, huh?” They poked the spider on the head playfully before turning back to face me.

Taking a deep breath, they set their lips in a firm line before asking, “So… What’s he done now. You’ve already locked him away in your Psych Ward, what more can you do to deprive him of his rights?”

“Ah—no, I think you have the wrong idea…” I said.

They cocked their head to the side and studied me for a moment. The spider on their shoulder contentedly curling its legs under itself. “Hmmm?” the professor hummed.

“I’d like to help him, if I can. To get him out of the Psych Ward. He told me to come speak to you?” I explained.

Instantaneously, Hanji’s face brightened and they leapt from their seat to grip the collar of my shirt. I frantically tried to get back, not wanting the spider clad shoulder so close to me. They held on to me firmly, though, beaming at me as they practically shrieked, “Really!? You believe him!? Oh _man_! Can you get him here so I can finally run some tests!?”

I managed to get them to release me and they leaned back waving their arms excitedly. The tarantula was now gripping onto the fabric of the shirt, but otherwise looked undisturbed; I guess it was used to this kind of behavior.

“I have been wanting to run tests on his neural system _forever!_ When will you guys release him!?”

“Uhhh…” I hesitated. “I’m not exactly in charge of that kind of stuff… As I mentioned before I’m just a resident. And as of right now, I think I’m the only person in the hospital who believes in his condition.”

Hanji slumped down into their chair, “Oh… I see. Well I’m sure he appreciates having someone believe him for once. Someone other than me, that is.”

I nodded, “Yeah, he mentioned to me that you actually helped him to diagnose himself? Sensus-Vizio, right?”

At the mention of the diagnosis, they began to bite at their lip, worriedly. “I did… I did tell him that, yes.”

I furrowed my brow, confused by their reaction. “Is there something more that you know?” I asked.

The professor sighed, and leaned back in their chair. They steepled their fingers in front of their mouth in thought. “I told him he got some wires crossed, a result from a head injury he sustained over a year ago…” They stopped speaking and flicked their gaze at me. “You really want to help him right? I can trust you?”

I nodded, a sickening feeling of foreboding washed over me. What exactly do they know?

“Levi is missing about six months of his life.” They stated abruptly.

“I’m sorry?” I felt like I’d misheard something.

They sighed again, an agitated look on their face. “Almost two years ago, Levi went missing. We were celebrating his acceptance into a law firm at a bar. Some guy was hitting on him the whole night, I should have known… I should have sensed there was something wrong with that guy.” They slammed a fist onto the desk in anger, the tarantula on their shoulder jumped slightly at the sudden movement, as did I.

With lowered eyes, they continued, “Levi left the bar with him. And I didn’t see him until six months later. He showed up on my front porch, torn clothing that I didn’t recognize, bruises everywhere. He was completely passed out. When he came to, he just started screaming. _Screaming_ at me to look away. He was tearing at his own skin, literally trying to tear it off.”

“Even after police investigation, and some grueling interviews, they couldn’t figure out what had happened to him in the half a year he had been missing. He didn’t remember. Or maybe he didn’t want to.”

The professor looked up to me with a sad smile, “I tried to help him, I honestly did. Took him to the hospital to see if they could help figure out what was wrong with him. But as you’ve seen they just stamped him as ‘crazy’ and threw him in the Psych Ward.”

I took a deep breath. It was a lot to take in. “So… Are you saying your diagnosis was wrong?”

They pursed their lips in thought, “I can’t really be sure. I did make some things up… I told him that night at the bar he’d gotten in a drunken fight, resulting in him smacking his head on the floor, and that his brain had gotten mixed up from the impact. I’m not even sure if he’s aware that he’s missing six months of his life… He repressed the entire thing.” they trailed off.

We sat in a heavy silence for a while.

“I think…” the professor spoke softly, “…I think his brain created this condition as a form of coping. Perhaps, whatever he experienced in that half year messed him up so badly that he developed a heightened sense of non-conscious perception as some form of self-preservation?”

They looked up to me, eyes swimming in hopefulness, “Is there _any_ way you can get him here? Even for just a day so I can run my own experiments? Any time I’ve asked they brush me off… But you work there; you might be able to do it. And he trusts you, right?”

I looked down at my lap, “I don’t know… I think he does? He asks me to look at him sometimes.”

Before I could even utter another word, Hanji was leaning over their desk peering at me with overjoyed excitement. Honestly, how can their moods change so quickly?

“Serious!? He lets you look at him!? Oh _wow!_ He bears that pain for you? _Why!?”_

I blushed scarlet while I tried to formulate an answer that wasn’t incriminating. “Uhhh… He said it doesn’t hurt when I look at him…” I mumbled.

They quickly straightened up and slapped their hands to their forehead. The tarantula fell off their shoulder and landed on the desk with a soft thud. Seemingly un-phased, it merely crawled onto the keyboard and curled up while Hanji began ranting.

“Oh this is _perfect!”_ their voice took on a crazed tone, like they were about to either burst into tears or scream for joy, “If you can get him here and I hook him up for an Electroencephalogram scan… _Oh!_ Or maybe I can get the department to let me borrow the necessities and do a Positron Emission Tomography scan! With you here I can finally observe his neural responses to another subject’s vision as stimuli!”

I watched in fascination and slight fear as they began romping about the lab, picking up random pieces of paper and reading bits from them while examining diagrams of the brain, all the while ranting about neural science mumbo jumbo that I understood only about an eighth of.

This continued on for what felt like hours before someone knocked on the door. A young male poked his head inside, “Professor Zoe? The lecture started 25 minutes ago…”

Hanji dragged a hand over their face, rendering the strange glasses crooked and completing the picture of a mad scientist. “Ah, damn… Sorry I’ll be right there!”

The male left and I stood to take my leave. Hanji grabbed my hand and shook it fervently. “Thank you _so_ much for taking an interest with my friend. I look forward to working with you!” They grabbed a post-it note off the desk and scribbled onto it before shoving it into my hand, and with that they bolted out of the room, a flurry of papers kicked up in their wake.

I looked down at the paper to see they had given me their number. As I exited the building, I mulled over everything I had just learned. What exactly was I supposed to do now? I felt that, first, I needed to talk to Levi. It wasn’t right for him to not know about all this.

I looked down at my watch and realized with horror that I was late for my shift. I guess that meeting had run on a little longer than I anticipated. I sprinted to my car, thankful that I had at least had the mind to pack my scrubs in a backpack before I came to Sina. No way would I have time to run back home first.

Doing my best not to speed, I managed to get to the Shinganshina only 20 minutes late. I changed into my scrubs and searched for Dr. Hannes. Unable to find him, I mentally shrugged and headed towards Psychiatrics.

Once again Petra saw me approaching and smiled at me. “My my, you’re becoming a regular over here, aren’t you?” she said sweetly.

I smiled back and chuckled, “Yeah, I couldn’t find Dr. Hannes, so I figured I’d see if I could help out over here?”

“Ah, well I _just_ sent someone to go hand out medications… not sure what I can ask you to do. All that needs doing is paperwork.”

Nodding my head I decided to be forward. Well… mostly, “I see. Well, would you mind if I check in on a patient? We developed a sort of rapport that first night I worked here.”

Her face brightened, “Oh really! That’s great! Most of the people in this ward don’t get many visitors. Which patient?”

 “Levi.”

Her eyes widened in disbelief and her cheery grin faltered. “Well, that’s surprising… He’s always so antisocial… Hell, he nearly gouged your father’s eyes out during an examination when he was first admitted.”

I pretended to be surprised by the news. Sure, I hadn’t known my _father_ was one of the people he attacked, but it made sense why he was tucked away in Psychiatrics now. “I don’t know. He’s really calm with me. Mind if I borrow a keycard so I can go visit him?”

Petra nodded and opened a drawer, pulling out a keycard. “Why don’t you go ahead and keep this? That way you don’t have to ask for one from now on. You’re always welcome here, Eren.” She smiled warmly as I took the card from her hand.

“Wow, thanks Petra!” I gave her a huge, appreciative grin before I turned to head towards Levi’s room. I felt a little bit guilty… Okay, I felt _really_ guilty. Petra, even Hanji, thought of me as some sweet, innocent do-gooder, taking an interest in a patient and showing them extra care.

In reality, I felt more like a sexual predator. We’d already had two sexual encounters in the _two_ times we’d been in the same room. Seriously, where the hell is my self control? I’m supposed to be a fucking doctor. Responsible, trustworthy, and honorable.

Even as I thought this, I felt deep in my gut it wasn’t going to stop. I’d never experienced someone as enthralling as Levi, and I knew I was addicted. Everything about him fascinated me. His condition, his reaction to me, his past. And damned if I didn’t want to learn more.

Maybe if I told him about what Hanji had told me, it would spark some memories? If he could remember what happened during the time he was missing, maybe that would help him on his recovery? I figured it was worth a try.

I rapped on his door, and quickly turned the handle to head inside. I shut the door behind me, sealing off the light from the hall. My eyes subconsciously widened in an attempt to see in the sudden darkness, and my arms floated dumbly before me as I took a cautious step forward.

“You always look so damn ridiculous when you first step in here.” I heard his groggy voice sounding from the location of his bed.

“Well, why do you keep the lights off?” I asked defensively as my eyes flicked around in the blackness.

I heard what sounded like a yawn, followed by the rustling of sheets. “Hey at least there’s a nightlight. Besides, this way the nurses can’t see me when they come by to bring me food and meds.”

I nodded. It made sense, I guess. Suddenly, I felt a warm body against mine as he slid his arms around my waist. “So, what brings you here, doctor? Time for a checkup?” He nuzzled into my chest as he spoke.

Chuckling, I said “You’re awfully affectionate when you wake up…”

He scoffed in mock annoyance, “Not my damn fault, they switched my meds. These ones make me tired. Really though, what brings you here, Eren?”

I blinked blindly. It was strange to hear my name leave his lips so casually. “How’d you know my name? I don’t remember ever telling you.”

I felt him flick the plastic ID card that was clipped to my shirt pocket, “I can read?” he muttered sarcastically. Blushing I said, “Oh, right. I’m still getting used to wearing that thing…”

As the top of his head started to take shape, I averted my gaze to stare at a darkened corner. Now was definitely not the time to inadvertently get him worked up. “I met with Hanji today.”

I felt him lean away from me, and assumed he was looking at my face for a clue as to how things went. “…And?” he asked impatiently.

I sighed, “Levi, sit down. We need to talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And seriously, all you lovely, wonderful people. Your comments and kudos are MUCH appreciated ^_^ I love you all <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren tells Levi about his conversation with Professor Zoe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter ended up being super long :s I thought about cutting it in half but ehhhh. Hope you enjoy! :3

We sat on his bed, and I stared down as I wrung my hands nervously in my lap. How the hell was I going to go about this? This was only the third time I’ve been around him and I’m trying to tell him some pretty serious stuff about his past that he doesn’t remember.

It was an almost surreal situation. I didn’t feel like this was my place. But strangely, deep down, I felt a strong sense of caring for this man. I knew I wanted to help him, and I felt clearing up his past was the first place to start

“What the fuck is with your face?” His voice warbled nervously, “What the hell did you and Hanji talk about, exactly?”

I took a deep breath before I spoke, trying to keep my tone calm, “We talked about your past, things that may have caused your current condition.”

A beat of silence, followed by an apprehensive, “…and?”

“Levi, there’s some things that happened to you that you don’t remember.”

“What the fuck are you talking about…?” he sounded defensive, but I could hear a twinge of fear in his voice. “I was at a bar, and got in a fight—”

“No.” I cut him off gently. “No, Levi that isn’t what happened.” I breathed in and let it out in a shaky sigh, “Levi, that night you… you were kidnapped.” I felt him shift harshly away from me, “W-What?… I… was…” he choked out, his voice dying in his throat.

 “You were missing for _six_ _months_ before you managed to find your way to Hanji’s house.” I paused for a moment and I could hear him breathing heavily, like he was on the verge of hysterics. Well I’d come this far? I figured I may as well finish what I started.

 “Hanji said that your condition might be a sort of coping mechanism to deal with whatever repressed memories you have. I thought that if I told you we might be able to—”

“SHUT UP.” His outburst so deep and rumbling, it made me jump slightly. I was tempted to look at him to assess the damage this news had done, but I managed to keep my eyes on the hands I had in my lap.

“Levi we just want to help—”

“No. NO. Fuck you BOTH. You mother _fuckers._ You’re just like the shitty doctors here. A coping mechanism?! Are you fucking _serious_!?” His voice shook with the intense fury he was emanating. He stood from the bed, looming over me, “You both think it’s something I just made up!? You think I’m a fucking nutcase like the rest of the fucks in this ward!?”

I reached out to make a blind grab for his hand. I managed to brush my fingers against his wrist, but he retracted his entire arm to his chest while he sucked in a breath, as though the touch had physically hurt him. “No, Levi please. Hear me out—”

“I fucking said NO!” His voice was cracking and wet, like he was crying from the crippling anger running through him. Anger and pain. Pain that _I_ had caused. My chest tightened achingly as I realized this. I didn’t at all intend for this… I just wanted to help…

“Get out.” He spoke quietly, but the words fired out of his mouth, dripping with rage.

I was so shaken by this entire ordeal, my stomach twisting nauseatingly in my gut. Without thinking, I turned my head to look up at him, pleadingly. I barely saw the anger in his face falter for a split second before he swung. My vision was flooded with glittering lights as the pain erupted from the cheek his fist had connected with.

I cradled my injured face, just wanting to disappear from the world. “Get _out! Get the fuck OUT and don’t FUCKING COME BACK!”_ he screamed. His voice was in ruins, so terrifyingly different from his usually deep intonation.

Startled, I scrambled to my feet and fumbled for a few seconds with the keycard before I fled into the glaring hallway on the other side of the door. I leaned backwards as I pulled the door shut. A shrill, broken cry assaulted my ears from inside the room. I cringed at how he sounded. That beautiful and confident man, what had I done to him?

 

The following days were terrible. I couldn’t sleep at night because I was so wrought with remorse. I’d twist and turn in a never-ending fit of discomfort while his shattered voice echoed in my mind. _“Don’t FUCKING COME BACK!”_ the last thing he screamed at me. I’d come to learn that he had seriously meant it.

I tried to visit him the following day, an attempt to smooth things over. My hopes that he had calmed down over night were promptly crushed as he slammed his door in my face. Sure I could go in there any time I wanted, but I didn’t want to push him any further than I already had.

My guilt increased tenfold after I text Hanji with what happened. They berated me for not following their instructions. That I was just meant to get Levi released for a day for testing, not cause a mental break in him.

Hanji offered to cancel one of their classes so they could come by during visiting hours and see if they could get through to him. I told them no. I told them this was something that _I_ had caused; I was responsible and that I would fix it. My guilt would allow for nothing less.

Petra would still give me a cheerful grin whenever I would come into the Psych Ward. Thankfully, I’ve always been a quick healer, so she never noticed the slight green-yellow tinge to my cheek where Levi had punched me. She had no idea what was going on, just assumed I was dropping by to visit Levi. She’d never know that I would spend 15 minutes outside his door, begging and pleading for forgiveness.

I’d put my hand on his door, wanting nothing more than to just grip the handle and force my way in. Instead, I would just let my hand glide across the grain of the wood while I spoke gently, caringly. Trying my very best to convey how desperately I just wanted to help him. That he could trust me. That I was an idiot and I was _so fucking sorry._

Days went by, and I was only ever met with silence from him. I kept Hanji updated with the lack of progress. They told me to not give up, that he’d turn around eventually if I was persistent enough. So I continued to torture myself with that hope.

Levi consumed my thoughts. While lying in bed, I would think about how I could have done _everything_ differently. While sitting in front of piles of medical books I was meant to be studying, I’d reflect on the frightening tone his voice had taken that night. From the moment I got out of bed in the evening, to when I found myself in front of his door again, I’d formulate what I could say to gain his trust back.

 

It was another one of those nights; in my gut I felt it would end the same as all the others. However, when I stepped through the doors into Psychiatrics, I froze in my tracks at the blood-curdling scream that tore through the halls. My expectations shattered and forgotten as my feet carried me towards the source of the scream.

The blood drained from my face and a sickening chill ran through my body at what I saw. Levi was in the hall, on the ground, his pale face twisted in torment. He was surrounded by two nurses, and Petra. She stood looking down at him sadly, but firmly. The two male nurses were hunched over Levi, trying to make a grab for his arms.

He flailed as his piercing cries went ignored. He shoved and kicked their hands away, desperate to get them away from him. For a brief second his eyes darted towards me. The severe pain in his eyes disappeared, replaced by urgent pleading. He was asking for help… He was asking for _my_ help…

“Petra! What’s going on?” My voice came out far more confidently than I actually felt.

She glanced towards me, “Ah, Eren.” She spoke loudly, in an attempt to be heard over Levi’s wailing. She stepped closer to me as she explained, “He hasn’t been himself the past several days, hasn’t been taking his medication or eating. We’re simply trying to take him to an examination room to run some tests.”

“STOP YOU PIECES OF SHIT! GOD STOP, _PLEASE!_ LEAVE ME _ALONE!”_ he continued to scream.

My heart was hammering in my chest. I knew he was in pain. Whether it was a coping mechanism or not, the way his body shook and the frantic look on his tear-streaked face proved that he was _in agony._ I wasn’t sure what to do, and I knew with each passing second he was enduring something only he and I believed in. I clenched my fists as I tried to think of how to help him, how to save him…

“E-E-REN! _EREN!”_ he shrieked as he continued smacking and kicking away at the nurses. The fear in his voice as he called my name got me moving. In seconds, I was knelt in front of him, looking intently into his eyes. “It hurts… It hurts…” was all I could hear through his broken cries. I wrapped my arms around him protectively and called out over my shoulder.

“Petra! I’ll take care of it from here. Just let me talk to him, please!?” My begging gaze met her confused stare.

She shook her head in bewilderment at how easily I approached Levi. But she then nodded her head and dismissed the other nurses, who scoffed angrily at the ordeal as they left.

In my arms, Levi was clawing desperately at my scrubs as he sobbed. I cradled his head in one hand as I scooped his small body off the floor. Once inside his room, I shut the door with a foot and carried him to the bed where I gently tried to place him down. He wouldn’t release me, so I awkwardly sat, hunched over beside him as he clung to my neck.

He seemed so fragile and scared; it made my skin itch with the urge to protect him. How could those nurses do this to him? Couldn’t they see the torture they put him through? If the murderous tone his voice had adopted several nights ago had haunted my dreams, those screams of agony I’d heard moments ago would _terrorize_ my nightmares.

And now, here he was, reduced to a sniveling mess, cradled in my arms like a child.  I never wanted to see him in this state again.

I felt his tears soaking through my scrubs as he continued to cry hard, his entire body shaking as each sob wrenched from his throat. Attempting to sooth him, I trailed a hand down his back and murmured words of comfort.

“Shh, it’s okay now. It’s okay. You’re safe. I’m here.”

He worked on regaining control of his breathing. “I-I remembered…” he managed to choke out.

Stunned, I stopped stroking his back for a second to process what he’d said. I resumed and gently asked, “What did you remember?”

He let out a shaky breath, followed by a wet sniff. His sobbing had stopped, but his breathing was still heavy, and he would hiccup occasionally. “That night, after I made you leave. After what you said…” I felt him starting to shiver in my arms again. I caressed his hair in what I hoped to be a consoling manner.

He sniffed again before whispering, “I remembered what happened to me…” He sounded absolutely terrified, so I squeezed him reassuringly.

“You don’t have to tell me about it, if you don’t want to. I’m sorry about that night, I shouldn’t have—”

A stuffed-up chuckle interrupted me, “I know, brat. I know you’re sorry. You’ve been outside my door every damn night to tell me that.”

I smiled and shut my eyes, burrowing my face into his neck. “So you _did_ hear me all those times?”

“How could I not? You’re one persistent shit.” His voice was still cracking from the screaming he’d done, but I could hear the smirk he wore. He burrowed his face further into my shoulder and murmured, “Sorry for socking you in the face…”

“It’s fine,” I assured him, “I deserved it.”

He chortled, “Yeah, you kinda did. Do yourself a favor and don’t ever become a psychiatrist.”

I laughed quietly into his hair, “I’ll make a note of that. Just make sure you start eating and taking your meds again.”

“Ah, yes. God forbid I go off my happy pills, right?”

I tapped him lightly on the back in a scolding gesture, “Just keep the doctors happy, and I’ll work on getting you out of here.”

We sat in that position for a while in silence. Just as my back was beginning to ache, he nuzzled my ear with his nose, “Lay down with me… please?”

I bit my lip, “But… what if Petra comes back to check on you?”

“I’m not asking you to _fuck_ me, you horny brat. Just lay down. Besides, the staff doesn’t deal with me if they don’t have to. Not after all my freak-outs.”

Sating both of our desires, I readjusted until I was lying on my side next to him, his chest to mine and his head under my chin. After wiping at his face, he curled his arms in between us. I felt him sigh in content, and I hummed in agreement. It felt right to have him so close, to have him secured in my arms.

My lids slid shut and I lowered my nose to his hair. He smelled clean, freshly shampooed. I couldn’t help but ask, “How do you bathe? There’s no shower in your room…”

He grunted, “Way to kill the mood… I told you, didn’t I? Staff hates dealing with me. So they do what they can to avoid any ‘ _episodes.’_ ” I could practically hear him rolling his eyes at the word. “Every night after lights-out, someone comes by to open my door for me. I use the communal showers and go back to my room on my own.”

“Mmm, I see.” I said.

I felt him roll his body against mine, suggestively. “Maybe you should join me in the showers one of these nights, doctor? Make sure your filthy patient gets cleaned properly.”

I tilted my head back and sighed as his thigh grazed my crotch. It was astounding how quickly this man could get me turned on. The serious tone from before completely forgotten as I turned my head down to look at him. His back arched and he moaned loudly before he reached up to cover my eyes.

“Wh-what?” I stuttered, dumbfounded.

“No…” I felt him whisper against my lips. “I want to please you tonight. You—” he paused, struggling for a moment with what he wanted to say “—You deserve it…”

His wet lips ran across mine before melding into a slow kiss. He kept a hand over my eyes as he began licking lightly at the seam of my mouth. I obliged, and ran my tongue along his. With my eyes closed, I was hyper aware of every touch he gave me.

I realized how cool his hands were as he slipped them under my shirt to play with the band of my pants, how it seemed to quell the fire blazing beneath my skin as his slender fingers lightly ran circles around my jutting hip bones.

I heard him chuckle into my mouth as we continued kissing, and realized I had been bucking my hips into his stomach.  “So eager…” he whispered in a sultry tone. I opened my eyes out of habit, trying to see if he was getting as into it as I was.

“Mmmh!” he tried to stifle a moan, quickly returning a hand to cover my eyes. “As much as I miss those sparkling, ocean-fuck eyes of yours, I want this to be for you… So keep them shut and let me _work_.” He let the ‘k’ ring out before haughtily flicking my lips with his tongue once more. 

He ducked his head down and aggressively began biting and sucking at my neck. It hurt, but the pain sent a jolt of excitement through me that went straight to my groin. As if fucking around with a patient in his bed wasn’t thrilling enough…

I chewed at my lip to hold back the moans in my throat. His hands skimmed down my chest and found their way back into the front of my pants. He wasted no time in grabbing my erection, pressing his thumb against the slit and smearing the precum around the tip. A shuddering groan escaped me and I wrapped my arms tighter around him.

He moved lower, out of arms reach, and nuzzled at my groin. Understanding what he was asking for, I rolled onto my back and stared up at the ceiling; that inner voice of reason, totally abandoned. I wanted this so damn bad, fuck consequences and morals.

Slowly he began to peel my pants down, letting those cool fingertips trail down my legs as I was exposed to the chilly air. He roughly spread my legs before settling between them, ducking his head down to go to work. He licked and nipped at the sensitive skin of my inner thighs while his hands rubbed appreciatively at my hips.

I was achingly hard, and he was lavishing every part of me except where I desired it most. “L-Levi, please…” my hands fisting into the sheets. He held my hips down as I made weak attempts to thrust upwards.

He hummed against my skin, “Mmmm? Begging already? And here I was hoping to take my time.” Before I could retort, he licked a long, warm stripe from my balls, up the underside of my erect cock before lazily swirling around the tip.

“Ah… Shit…” I groaned

My legs were shaking with the restraint it took to not grab his head and shove him down on me. It had been a while since I’d gotten a blow job, and _fuck_ he was good. He gripped the base of my cock with one hand and began fondling my sack with the other. Gradually, he took the tip into his mouth and began moving downwards, his tongue pressed firmly against my hardened member, lips opened wide.

When he reached as far as he could take me, he closed his lips around me and created the most perfect suction I’ve ever felt as he began to bob his head. One hand worked what he couldn’t engulf in that amazing mouth of his, and his other hand continued to massage leisurely at my balls. My eyes rolled back and an embarrassing whine found its way from my throat.

It was so much stimulation at once, I’m surprised I managed to notice his weight shifting on my leg… A slow drag of back and forth motion. I gripped the sheets tighter as I realized he was grinding against me, and he was _hard_. So it wasn’t just my eyes that turned him on?

I began moving my leg in tandem with his movements, pressing my shin upwards as he grinded down on it, all while panting praises mixed with his name.

“Fuck, Levi… hah… Y-You’re incredible… I’m—I’m close…” I felt it building, my stomach tightened as I began making small thrusts up into his mouth, the wet noises of my cock slipping past his lips spurring me on. His grinding against me became more frantic, and I just couldn’t help it…

I looked down at him and he was already looking right at me with my cock deep in his mouth. The muffled moan he released created beautiful vibrations that ran up my cock. His eyes drooped and he pressed his groin hard against my leg, I felt him throb several times, followed by liquid warmth seeping through my pant leg.

The sight of him cumming with my cock stuffing his mouth, in addition to the wrecked moan as he lost himself, it’s was what did me in. My jaw dropped as I released into him, moaning far too loudly. He leaned back slightly, letting the last couple spurts land on his face.

Beautiful.

My entire body relaxed and my head fell back on the pillow, completely sated. He crawled up to lay on my chest and I wrapped my arms back around him. A smile spread across my face as I felt his thudding heartbeat against mine.

“We’ve made quite a mess…” he breathed.

I snickered as I stroked his hair, staring up in bliss at the ceiling. “Yeah, let’s hope no one notices your cum stains on my pants… I’ve got a spare set of scrubs in my locker but I’ll have to walk by Petra on my way.”

“Close your eyes for a second, your spunk is starting to dry on my face.”

Without a word, I obeyed. This was the norm between us, now. I felt him shift, and heard him pulling at his clothing. When he lay back down and I placed my hands on his back, I realized he had taken off his shirt; he must have used it to wipe my “spunk” off his face.

I reveled in the feel of his skin. Even after all that exertion, he was still cool to the touch, the total opposite of me. I always seemed to run a little hotter than the average person.

So when I reached down to lift my shirt up, and I felt his flesh against mine, I couldn’t help the gasp that escaped me. _Perfect._ It was the only word I could conjure in my mind, and it described how I felt, precisely. His weight on me, the comfortable temperature of his body against mine, his clean scent mixing with the post-orgasm musk.

Everything. Everything was absolutely perfect… except the fact that he was locked away in a Psych Ward, of course. But the trust and attention he’d shown me that night, I knew I would get him out. I _had_ to. I was in this way too deep to quit now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I posted this with the previous chapter but I think it kinda fits in more with certain happenings in Chapter 4, soooo [ here it is again](http://nelly-belly-fo-felly.tumblr.com/post/86670129780/hey-errbawdy-room-105-is-getting-updated-tonight)
> 
> And to those that give kudos and comments? You are my lifeblood and I love you. ♥


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren works on getting Levi released from the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have I toooold you latelyyyy that I love yooou....
> 
> Seriously though, everyone who's still reading this fic, I LOVE YOU. TuT You all make this a million times more enjoyable to write, and I can only hope that I'm able to continue to entertain you ^_^
> 
> Please please read the notes at the end regarding future stuffs.

After I had managed to sneak to my locker and change, I headed back to Psychiatrics to have a word with Petra. She was sitting at the front desk as usual, sorting through files. I walked up and leaned over the counter.

“Hey, Petra.” She jumped slightly, I guess she hadn’t seen me approach.

“Oh! Gosh. Hey Eren, is Levi doing okay?” I was still a little angry towards her for how she was having him handled earlier, but she seemed to be showing genuine concern. Maybe convincing her to release him for a day wouldn’t be as difficult as I thought?

“Oh yeah. He’s doing fine. I had him promise me to start eating and taking his medication again.” I waved it off.

“Wow, he must think highly of you. I must say, I’m amazed at how well you diffused him earlier. How did you do that?” She set down a stack of papers and stared up at me in wonder.

I scratched the back of my head, “Ah, well, I’m not sure. He and I just get along really well, is all. From all the times I’ve visited, we’ve gotten pretty close.” It wasn’t exactly a lie…

“Hmm.” Petra hummed and nodded her head. “Well there’s something special about you. No one has ever been able to interact with him at _all_ , let alone as often as you do. So, thank you Eren.” She grinned as she said this.

I tried not to blush, and probably failed. “It’s no problem. He’s one of my favorite patients; I’d hate to see anything happen to him.”

She nodded again, “I understand. I tried for so long to get through to him. Such an interesting case… I wish I could help him as much as you have.” With that, she turned back to her paperwork.

It was now or never, “Well, actually. There is something you can do to help him.”

She raised a brow and looked up at me again, fingers pausing as they flipped through some papers. “Is that so?”

“Uh, yeah. I actually spoke with one of Levi’s friends. Someone he knows from before his condition started. I think they might be able to help him.”

Petra uncharacteristically tilted her head back and rolled her eyes. “You spoke with that professor friend of his, didn’t you?” She sounded entirely un-amused.

I blinked owlishly, “Um… Yeah, I did.”

She sighed, returning her eyes to the papers in front of her. “Look, Eren. It’s great that you care about Levi, but that professor is _nuts._ They belong in this ward right alongside their friend.”

I tried to not let my anger show. “Petra. Please. I know you have authority to sign release forms. Levi has rights as a human being, and he deserves at least one day outside of this place, don’t you think?”

She bit the inside of her lip, glancing at me doubtfully. “Eren, he’s a danger to society.”

I stared back at her, not allowing my confidence to waver, not now. “I will take full responsibility for him.”

She narrowed her eyes at me for a moment. Finally, she sighed. “I _really_ shouldn’t be doing this, but I’ll sign him out for twenty four hours. Twenty four hours _only.”_ She pointed a threatening finger at me. “And you are to be with him every _second_ that you aren’t working, understand? If anything happens while he’s out, it’s on you.”

I grinned widely, heart pattering happily away in my chest. _I did it._ “Of course! Thank you thank you thank you!” I rambled, bouncing excitedly on the balls of my feet.

Petra couldn’t keep the smile off her face as well. “You’re right. He deserves more than being locked away his whole life. I’ll sign him out tomorrow night, so you’ll have time to prepare. Make sure he takes his medication again starting tomorrow evening, or I can’t permit him to leave. Take good care of him, Eren.”

When she had turned back to her work, I quickly grabbed a set of hospital garments from the cabinet behind her, and briskly made my way to Levi’s room. I couldn’t wait to tell him, I bet he didn’t expect me to get this done so fast. Hell, even _I_ didn’t expect it to get done this fast.

I doled out a few quick raps to his door before twisting the handle and heading inside. “ _Levi.”_ I whispered as I smiled into the darkness.

“I was beginning to think you’d forgotten to bring me a change of clothes. The hell took you so long?” he grumbled from in front of me. I felt the clothes being yanked out of my hands. But even his grumpiness couldn’t dampen my mood.

I beamed brightly as I blurted out, “You’re getting out, tomorrow. Not permanently or anything. Not yet. But I convinced Petra to sign you out for twenty four hours. You just have to promise to start taking your medication again.”

Silence.

Not even the rustling of clothes.

I still couldn’t see so I wasn’t sure what he was doing. But then I felt arms slip around my neck, and gentle hands tilting my head down. His lips, soft and warm against mine as he kissed me slowly. There was no tongue, nothing overly sensual about it… but there was something inherently _different_ about the way his lips were moving on mine.

Something that made my heart stop for a moment, something that made the entire world disappear from around us so that it was just me and him, and that electric warmth buzzing between us. A kiss had never felt like this before…

When our lips parted, he sighed and pressed my forehead to his. “What the hell are you doing, looking that happy for me?”

Confused, I muttered “I can’t help it, I-I’m excited.”

He lowered his head and pressed his cheek against my shoulder, wrapping his arms fully around my neck. He sighed again, “Me too, brat.”

I looped my arms around his slender waist, breathing in his clean scent. Things were going to work out, I was sure of it.

“One problem, though.” My eyes shot open in the darkness at his words, I fought the urge to look down at him questioningly.

“W-what do you mean? What’s wrong?” I asked, my heart sinking in my chest.

He sighed and turned away from me. My arms dropped numbly to my sides as he stepped away. I stared down at the floor as he began changing into the fresh clothes I’d brought him. “I’m not taking those pills again. They make me sleepy. And sleep is pretty fucking awful with all these new… memories… invading my dreams.”

“Levi…” I said in a hushed tone. “For just a little while, and we can start working on making you better. Then you won’t even need the pills anymore.”

“You don’t understand!” he snarled. The sound of clothes rustling had stopped. There were a few moments of silence before he continued in a gentler tone, “…You don’t understand. When I’m unconscious I can’t stop the images from bleeding into my brain. Everything they…” his voice began trembling, “…Everything they made me _do_.”

I stepped toward his voice with my eyes closed, arms outstretched until I felt his back against my palms. I circled them around his chest and pulled him against me, dropping my forehead to his shoulder. He was shaking.

His voice was almost a whisper, “It’s like reliving it, every time sleep consumes me it’s like I’m back _there._ I can _hear_ them, hear them laughing. And the smell—I just… I just can’t fucking do it. It’s why I stopped taking the medication in the first place.” His voice sounded strained, and I could tell he was fighting back tears. What on earth had he lived through?

“Just for a little while, Levi. Fight it for a few weeks, and Hanji and I will start helping you. Maybe even get you in to see a therapist. Now that you remember, they can help you to heal; make the nightmares stop.”

He sighed, and I felt him deflate in my arms. “Yeah. I can’t avoid sleep forever, anyways. This week has been _hell._ ” Tilting his head back so it was resting against me, he took in a breath. “Alright. Alright I can do it.”

I squeezed him until he started to squirm. “Jesus, brat. Don’t suffocate me” he grumbled. When I relaxed my hold on him he turned around and wrapped his arms around me. We stood like that, embracing each other in comfortable silence for a few minutes before I had to head back to the area I was supposed to be working in that night.

The rest of my shift was spent in a great mood. Not even Jean could annoy me. I couldn’t _wait_ until tomorrow.

 

And when tomorrow finally arrived, I burst through the Psych Ward doors and jovially strode up to Petra. She was already smiling brightly at me as I approached her. She slid a clipboard across the counter and showed me where I needed to sign. She also gave me a small plastic container with two doses of Levi’s medication.

“Please do be careful, Eren. If something happens to him, you could lose your job…” Her cheery smile had turned to a worried frown.

I simply grinned and assured her, “Don’t worry. I trust him, and he trusts me.” Her brows lifted in surprise and her usual smile graced her features once more.

With all the paperwork taken care of and the container of pills in my pocket, I went to retrieve Levi. After a quick couple pecks on the lips while standing in his darkened room, we quickly ventured into the hallways.

To avoid unnecessarily exposing him to people, we ducked and weaved as I kept a lookout, frantically craning my neck to see around every corner before dragging him by the wrist to sprint to the next wall.

It was invigorating, my heart was pumping and we couldn’t stop giggling. I felt like we were trying to play hooky in high school or something, pressed flat against the walls and trying not to get caught.

Once the coast was clear, we darted towards the elevators that were typically reserved for the toting of deceased patients to the morgue.

I had everything planned out. I told Hanji where to find the doors that led from the morgue to the parking lot. They should be waiting right outside with their car, ready to whisk Levi away to their apartment. I’d have to finish my shift before I could head to the professor’s place myself, but they had already provided me their address.

When we were safely inside the elevator I slammed the button for the bottom floor, then immediately hunched over, gulping in breaths of air. “ _Fuck!”_ he groaned from beside me. “I haven’t ... ran like that … for years…” he managed to get out between gasps.

Still high on adrenaline, I spun towards him and pinned him against the wall, crushing my mouth against his. He let out a startled yelp that quickly melted into a desperate moan as he ran his fingers roughly up into my hair.

We panted into each other’s mouths, sloppily sliding and twirling our tongues together. I gripped his jaw and abruptly tilted it up to better access the inside of his mouth. An appreciative whine escaped him as I slotted my thigh between his legs, pressing into his hardening member.

My blood was positively _thrumming_ through my veins. I’d never felt so alive, so excited and _alive._ And it was because of this man currently under my lips. I felt like I could devour him, right then and there.

The elevator dinged—announcing we’d arrived at the proper floor—and we quickly detached from each other, wiping the saliva from our faces. I grabbed his wrist again as the doors slid open, instantly assaulted by the smell of formaldehyde. I pulled him behind me once there was space to exit, but I was met with resistance.

I looked down and back, at the floor near his feet, “Come on, we’re almost outta here!” I urged him, tugging on his hand. He didn’t relent.

“What the fuck…? Is this—is this the _morgue_?” he whispered that last word in horror.

“Yeah? Hanji is meeting us outside the doors. This was the best way to get you out with no one seeing you. There’s no one in here at this hour.”

I felt his hand beginning to tremble. “No… _Fuck_ no. I’m not going in there.”

Furrowing my brow in confusion I asked, “What? I know it’s a little weird, but why not? We’re just going straight through it.”

“You don’t _get it._ There’s—” He hesitated, nearly choking on his next words, “There’s d-dead bodies in there.” His voice sounded thick, like he was either about to vomit or start crying, possibly both.

I looked around inside the room, all the autopsy tables were currently empty. “We’re in luck, there’s no bodies. It’s just an empty room with metal tables right now.” I opted to not mention the bodies that were stored in cold chambers. He seemed extremely on edge, and I just wanted to get him out of the hospital before someone showed up.

Quietly, he murmured, “I don’t know if I can do this…”

I squeezed his hand reassuringly, “Levi, we’re almost there. I’ll be holding your hand the whole way to Hanji’s car. You _can_ do this.”

He took a step towards me and I just barely heard a nervous whimper leave his mouth. His sweaty palm was shakily squeezing my hand. I knew that morgues were seen as a little creepy and morbid to most people, but why was he reacting so strongly?

Before I had another moment to ponder on his behavior, he harshly whispered, “ _Go. Go quickly”_

Not wasting another second I charged full speed ahead, whizzing by the high, metal tables to the double doors at the other end of the room. When I got there, I had to pause to make sure Hanji was outside like we had planned. I could feel Levi nervously shifting his weight behind me, and I could hear him humming tensely to himself, like he was trying to keep himself calm.

I eased the doors open just slightly, and peeked through the crack. Hanji was leaning against an old station wagon with their arms crossed. I whistled to get their attention and they startled before glancing in my direction. They nodded once and opened the back door of the car, then made their way around to get into the driver’s seat.

After waiting for a passerby to get out of eyeshot, I burst through the door with Levi in tow. When I got to the car, I turned away so he could get in without me looking at him, but he grabbed my face and pressed a chaste kiss to my lips.

On instinct, my eyes were wide open and staring at him in surprise. He promptly groaned in pleasure under my gaze, dropping to his knees before crawling into the wide back seat of the vehicle. I chuckled at the display before bending down to hand Hanji the container of pills. They reached back and took them, giving me a thumbs-up coupled with a manic grin. I shut the door and stood to watch them drive off, letting out a breath of relief once their taillights disappeared around the corner into the night.

My shoulders slumped as I realized I had to finish my shift before I could see him again. I wondered what he and Hanji would do until I got there? I was sure he would be safe in their care, but I couldn’t suppress the feeling of “I should be with him.”

I smiled to myself as I turned to head back to the hospital.

_…I should be with him…_

I liked how that sounded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay y'all. I'm closing in on the reveal of Levi's past. It might be a little heavy for some readers. When the time comes the tags will be updated with trigger warnings, but I want to let you know now that things are gonna be kind of messed up. I should have put this warning earlier so anyone who doesn't want to read that kind of stuff would have turned away from this fic entirely but... well here it is now :s I'm sorry! 
> 
> [tumblr](http://nelleri.tumblr.com/)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi's past is revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEW TAGS. CHECK THEM PLEASE. If I need to add any more please let me know
> 
> also I doodled another thing, check end notes for a link if you'd like to check it out ^_^
> 
> Don't hate me, don't hate me, OH GOD PLEASE DON'T HATE ME. I know this is terrible and all sorts of poop and I'm SO SORRY. ugh

~Levi’s POV~

I don’t know why I let Hanji convince me to go to this shitty bar. It was pretty much guaranteed I’d get into the law firm as an official lawyer, as I’d been interning there for over a year. Nevertheless, I found myself seated in one of the high bar stools, slamming down shot after shot.

Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was the fight I’d gotten into with Erwin earlier, but when some tall twink started hitting on me–rather terribly I might add, he was a nervous wreck–I actually started flirting back rather than verbally berating him like I usually would.

Eventually, a worried Hanji pulled me to the side. “Levi what the fuck are you doing?” they whispered angrily. “You have a boyfriend for Christ’s sake!”

At this point the alcohol was thumping strongly in my system and I couldn’t be bothered to feel guilty. “Pfft! Erwin doesn't even wanna move in with me, like he’d giv’a shit.”

Hanji grabbed me by the shoulders and gave me a firm shake, which only resulted in the room spinning even faster. “Levi! Erwin loves you, but he’s just not ready for that yet! It’s no reason to go climbing into some bar skank’s lap!”

I clumsily shoved their hands off me, “Fuck you! I’m done with his shit! And…” I paused trying to sweep my shattered thoughts together, “And I’m gonna get laid tonight.” Hanji’s eyes widened in disbelief. I couldn’t really blame them, I’m usually not so… well… slutty, but a broken heart and a generous amount of alcohol brings out the best in me.

I re-joined the twink at the bar and he smiled sweetly as he handed me a tall glass of some sort of alcohol. I was beyond the point of caring what it was, so I didn’t even question it as I knocked it back. It had an odd after-taste but I thought nothing of it.

After a few minutes of messy flirting, and ignoring Hanji’s angry glares, my head started hurting. I absently rubbed at my temple, and the nameless twink awkwardly asked if I wanted a ride home. Who said chivalry was dead?

I leaned over to tell Hanji and they immediately shook their head in the negative. “I’m not letting you do this, Levi. I know you’ll regret it in the morning. You’ll break Erwin’s heart…”

I tsked loudly and rubbed at my throbbing temple once more, “ _Fuck_ his heart. He’s already shat all over mine.”

“Seriously?” they hissed, “Just because he won’t move in with you, you’re going to have a drunken one night stand with some random stranger?”

“A _hot_ random stranger” I smirked stupidly as I glanced back to the guy who was waiting for me. He _was_ really good looking, and I’ve always loved tall men. Which is usually easy to come by since I’m pretty damn short. He was extremely pale, like he purposely avoided sunlight.  His shiny black hair fell in a natural wave to his shoulders. And _God_ his  _eyes._ He had gorgeous blue-green eyes that I could stare into for days. I’d always been a sucker for exotic looking eyes. It had been the first thing I’d noticed about Erwin.

Hanji groaned and ran a hand down their face. “Just, promise me you’ll be safe? If you’re going to actually go through with it, use a condom. And if he tries anything weird you call me _immediately._ Understand?”

I gave Hanji a dopey grin and wrapped my arms around them. “Thanks Hanj, you’ve always been my favorite wingman.”

“Oh whatever,” they gave me a half-hearted smile as I leaned back, “We’ll see if you think the same when I force you to confess your sins to Erwin.”

Another painful throb pulsed through my skull and I hastened to say my goodbyes, assuring them that I would be safe. When I stepped outside, arm slung around Nameless-Twink’s waist, I realized how impossibly hot I felt. It was fall, so the crisp air felt like heaven against my burning skin. Maybe I was getting a cold or something?

It wasn’t when I noticed he wasn’t staggering at all, despite us having drank almost the same amount. It wasn’t when I couldn’t control my hand enough to open his car door. And it wasn’t when I was too dizzy to even sit properly in the front seat without his help.

It was the look in his blue-green eyes as he sat in the driver’s seat. It was the way his hands shook nervously as he turned the ignition. But mostly, it was the tone in his voice as he said, “I’m so fucking sorry… God help us… I’m so sorry.”

He drugged me. That drink…

…You know, we live our lives with this false sense of deserved complacency. Like when you’re driving on a long stretch of road and you turn on cruise control. You take your foot off the pedal and allow yourself to relax. So when it happens, you’re not ready. When that car comes careening into your lane you’re not prepared. All you can do is embrace for impact.

So that was my last thought as I fell unconscious. I tried to prepare for the pain I would wake up to. But there wasn’t any… aside from the dull throb in my head, of course. My ass didn’t hurt, so that must be good, right? He hadn’t raped me while I was passed out…

 

It smelled. Like sweat and something putrid.

I blinked my eyes open and looked around the room I was in. I was on a concrete floor. The entire room seemed like it was pitch black except for the circle of light I was in, courtesy of the hanging lamp above me.

I moved my hands in order to push my heavy body up into a sitting position. Something bulky and cold weighed down my neck and caused a clinking sound. I reached up and felt something hard around my throat: a metal collar. Connected to it was a long chain that led off into the dark outside my ring of light.

A chill of dread and terror ran through me… This wasn’t just date rape… This was something far worse. Looking down I noticed I’d been stripped. I began to tremble and frantically trying to see into the dark corners of the room, where was my captor?

_Fuck fuck fuck. Why didn’t I listen to Hanj_ _i?_

“…H-Hey…” a timid voice sounded from behind me.

I spun around so quickly my brain rattled in my skull. It was that twink from the bar, Mr. Blue-Green-Eyes. He was who brought me here, _he_ was who drugged me. Then why was he also stripped and cuffed to a chain?

“What the ever-loving _fuck_ is going on!?” I tried to sound pissed off, but my voice shook weakly.

He gave me a small, sad smile. “I’m sorry… but you’re the new recruit. It’s how things work here. They’ll have you call me Captain. And I’ll train you until…” He let out a breath that was on the verge of a whine, he looked down to his slender hands in his lap, “…Until they grow tired of me.”

Goosebumps trailed over my skin and my eyes widened, “Who are ‘they’?” I demanded.

His mournful, turquoise eyes, lifted to meet mine once again. “You’ll find out soon enough.”

Indeed I did. ‘They’ were a group of men. ‘They’ owned us. And ‘They’ expected to be entertained when they came to visit. They would sit outside the circle of light, and cheer on my ‘Captain’ as he’d rape me. I’d scream, I’d kick, do everything I could to fight back and they would just laugh all the more. Saying what a good recruit I was.

I couldn’t see them because of how dark the rest of the room was—just vague human shapes in the darkness. But I could _feel_ their eyes on me. I could _feel_ them devouring me with their gaze, their disgusting, rotten eyes boring into my skin as I was forced down into the concrete under the Captain.

The only thing that kept me going, that kept the will to live in me, was the look in my Captain’s eyes as he took me repetitively. The absolute sorrow swimming in those ocean colored orbs. He’d whisper in my ear when his mouth was close enough, “I’m sorry, just a little longer… You’ll be okay…”

Days had no meaning. I never knew when the sun was up, or when it was night. My days were punctuated by when we were fed, and when the ‘show’ began. Captain and I rarely spoke, I would try to occasionally, but he seemed like he didn’t want to get close to me.

I knew he felt remorse for what he had to do to me on an almost daily basis. I knew he didn’t _want_ to do it, and that he was as much a captive as I was. So eventually I stopped fighting back. I stopped crying during the act. I just lay there and let him do what they told him to do. Eyes blank and staring upwards at the bright, glowing lamp overhead.

They didn’t like this. They wanted to see me in pain, so they began jabbing me with a cattle prod until I was sobbing and begging them to stop, all while Captain kept on going. A round of laughter echoed through the concrete room with each shock I received, with each shrieking cry that ripped from my throat.

However, I trained myself not to scream anymore. I didn’t want to give them the satisfaction. I kept a stone face the next several times, even through the burning, sparking pain from the cattle prod. Small tears would prick at my eyes, but I’d be damned if I was going to give them what they wanted and scream.

I didn’t understand Captain’s crestfallen look… Shouldn’t he be proud that I can endure so well?

After one particular performance, I fall asleep on the concrete, fidgeting for a few moments so that my metal collar didn’t agitate the chafed skin of my throat. I’m awakened from my light slumber by a kick to the skull. I turn over, cradling my head as someone bellows out for me to “Get the fuck up.”

Someone grabs me by the hair and hauls me to my knees. Something is pressed into my hands and I look down to see a revolver. My blood runs cold and I freeze. What the hell..?

Someone in a dark cloak that covers their face stands in front of me, they’re holding Captain up by his hair as well. The deep voice of the person behind me says “Aren’t you glad, Recruit? You’re moving up in the ranks. Now, retire your Captain.” With that the person nudged one of my arms that was barely hanging onto the heavy gun in my hands.

I look back down at the revolver, then back to Captain, whose face is stained with tears. His irises all the more vibrant in contrast to his bloodshot eyes. He’s mouthing to me, “Do it, do it please”

…He’s known this was coming… _They’ve grown tired of him._

Had Captain gone through this as well? Did he have to shoot the man who was here before him? How long have these beasts been continuing this depraved cycle of human torture..?

I momentarily consider using the gun on the man behind me, but I’m not sure how many other men are standing in the dark shadows of the room. They may have tortured me for God knows how long, but I still wasn’t broken. I was going to get out of this hell _alive._

The man holding my hair kneels behind me and whispers in my ear, “It’s him, or you.” And I feel something cold press against my back, followed by a hollow clicking sound. The sound of a gun cocking.

Tears well in my eyes as I stare at the broken man in front of me. My Captain. The only person in the past months that has offered me _any_ form of comfort. His soft whispers echo in my memory, “ _I’m sorry…You’ll be okay…”_

The tears breach my lash line and cascade in heavy streams down my cheeks. My arms feel like lead as I raise the gun, my stomach churning. A small relieved smile breaks out across Captain’s face and his eyes slide shut, two final tears escaping. In all these horrendous days we’ve spent together, this is the first time that he actually looks happy… genuinely happy.

I’ve told myself that I did it to put Captain out of his misery, I’ve told myself that I was setting him free. But when I pressed the barrel of that gun to his head, and pulled the trigger, the only thought running through my tired mind was, _I need to survive._

The gun clattered to the floor, partly from the recoil, mostly from how badly I was shaking. My hair was released and I slumped to the floor and began to sob. I looked up to see Captain’s body, lifeless in front of me, a growing puddle of blood like a halo around his head. Limbs crumpled awkwardly and unnaturally.

I crawled over to him, uncaring of the blood that dyed my hands as I cradled his face. The vibrancy of his eyes had dulled, those beautiful blue-greens looking right at me, but seeing nothing. His black hair sticking together in wet bloody clumps as I run my fingers through the locks.

Fat tears dropped from my face and splashed on his cheeks as I stare at the grisly hole that now adorns the center of his forehead. Yes, he _was_ free now, but where did that leave me?

“Fuck him.” a voice commanded from the darkness.

I knot swelled in my throat as I attempted to swallow another sob. “Wh-what?” I choked out, still staring down at my captain’s pale face.

“You _heard_ me. I said _fuck him_. Better get to it while he’s still warm.” Crude chuckles reverberate around me.

My fingers clench, nails digging into Captain’s skin. My voice warbles with hatred as I speak, “No. I won’t do it.” Suddenly, the room turns over, and I’m laying on my back, a hand to my throat and a dark face looming over me. I can’t make out their features under the cloak they wear. I feel something press against my testicles.

“You want to see how it feels to have your balls electrocuted? _Hm!?”_

I stare up in complete defiance to the faceless monster above me. “ _Fuck. You.”_ I hiss, spit spraying from my mouth as I spoke. The hand tightens around my throat and the most intense pain I’ve ever experienced shoots through my groin. I can’t breath, I can’t even scream because of the hand on my trachea. I convulse from the burning pain spidering from where the cattle prod is pressed firmly at my scrotum, clawing frightfully at the massive hand that's choking me. I smell burning flesh.

Finally he relents and screams down at me, “You like that!? You want more!?”

I roll over and gingerly wrap my hands around my crotch, coughing and desperately trying to draw in a normal breath through choking sobs. “Fuck… YOU…” I manage to get out.

I feel hands gripping me from every angle, I’m not sure how many had stepped in but I couldn’t fight back as they lifted me and slammed me, face-down into Captain’s body. His flesh was still soft, but it was wrong… It should be warmer… He should be responding not just lying there, head lolling to the side as they press me against his cooling, bare skin.

My head was held down against his chest. And there was nothing. The world slowed and the brutal hands clutching at me faded from my awareness. All I was attuned to was the complete _lack_ of life in the being below me. No heartbeat thumping against my ear, no rise and fall of the lungs taking and releasing air. Nothing.

_Because of me._

Everything spun violently as my stomach lurched. I vomited all over him, crying as I mostly dry-heaved. There wasn’t much in my stomach to dispose of. I heard the chorus of laughter surrounding me from the dark.

Knowing they were watching me, their collective gaze burning into my skin from every angle. Panic prickled in my chest as the laughter consumed me, nausea still swirling in my gut, and the invisible eyes tearing me to pieces. Tearing what was left of my crippled sanity.

The next cognizant moment I have, I’m running. I’m outside and the evening sun is blinding me, but I continue to run, gasping and panting for oxygen. My legs burn from disuse but I press on, knowing that if I stop, they might find me.

I can’t remember how I got away, I know they had dressed me up and were taking me to a bar. I was supposed to find the next recruit. Someone I was supposed to Captain. But instead I got free. _Free._

My mind raced with ideas of where I should go. Erwin’s? Possibly, but I wasn’t sure where he lived anymore. Hanji, on the other hand had lived in the same shitty apartment for years, surely they’d still be there. Fuck, if I had listened to Hanji in the first place I wouldn’t have gotten into any of this.

I don’t recall what happened after I made the decision to go to Hanji’s. The next thing I knew I was waking up to them yelling my name, “Levi! Levi! Can you hear me?!”

_Levi? Yeah… that was my name, right? It’s been so long since I’ve heard it…_

I barely opened my lids to see Hanji’s brown eyes staring down at me in shock.

Pain.

Pain like the electric shock of the cattle prod shot through me. My mind was screaming, “They’re staring at you. All those eyes. All those eyes feasting on your flesh.”

“STOP FUCKING LOOKING AT ME.” I shrieked and tried to claw the burning flesh from my bones. Tried so desperately to make the pain stop.

They only continued to call my name.

_Levi! Levi!_

But… Wait…

 _Levi_ please!

No, that wasn’t Hanji…

I forced my eyes open, and I was faced with dazzling blue-green eyes.

“Captain?” I whispered.

Instead of pain, I felt overwhelming warmth spread through my chest under his stare. Every nerve in my body felt like it was tingling with comforting pleasure. My eyes rolled back at the sensation and I felt arms wrap around me.

_No… This isn’t my captain. He is warm… So warm… So alive…_

“God Levi.” He murmured into my neck as he held me close. “You were having a nightmare.”

I was on Hanji’s’ couch. I’d taken my medication and had fallen asleep while I waited for Eren to get back from his shift at the hospital. I was in Eren’s arms, and I was safe.

I felt a tear roll down the side of my head, and I knew he felt it seep into the side of his hair by the way he tensed. “Would you like to talk about it?” he asked quietly.

I sighed and linked my arms around him, “Yeah… Yeah I think I need to."

I sat up on the couch and he positioned himself behind me, arms wrapped around me like a protective shield, holding me close to his chest. That beautiful heart beat thumping against my back.

I told him everything, from beginning to end. How I was abducted, how I was raped for their amusement every day, how if I refused any of their demands I was treated to a cattle prod.

His hands would periodically clench in what I assumed was anger. I’d try to calm him by running my fingers over the delicate bones in his hands, reveling in how _warm_ he was. He was always so warm…

Tears ran down my face nearly the entire time I told him my story, but it felt cleansing. The poison I’d kept inside for so long, I was finally letting it bleed out. I’d never realized how relieving it could be to share this with someone. I was glad it was him.

I barely listened to him as he rambled about how we’d “catch the fuckers” and how he’d “make them pay.” Drowsiness weighed my mind down and I leaned my head back on his shoulder, letting my eyes fall shut.

_Damn pills, always make me tired._

But, I wasn’t afraid of sleep anymore. There in Eren’s arms, while he swore his revenge on the men that tortured me, I felt happy. For the first time in years, I felt happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys have no idea how nervous I was to post this x_x but yup, there it is.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren wakes up, alone, on Hanji's couch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guysss, I'm in Texas for a week, and even through all the travelling and stress I still pumped out a chapter BECAUSE IFREAKING LOVE YOU ALL OKAY!? Hope it's alright :s <3

~ Eren’s POV~

I woke to a noticeable lack of weight on my chest. I had fallen asleep on Hanji’s couch with Levi sprawled on top of me. My eyes flitted open and stared at the ceiling. I briefly recalled everything that Levi had revealed to me last night and felt a boiling pulse of anger flow through me.

I took a deep breath and sat up, rubbing the sleep grit from my eyes. Yeah, I wanted to murder the fucks who had put Levi through all that. I wanted to murder them slowly and tortuously. But, right now I needed to focus on Levi, and making him better. That was my main concern.

Letting my gaze wander around the very cluttered living room, I absently wondered where he had gone. That’s when I heard his voice from the other room, his very _angry_ voice.

“Why the _fuck_ did you even let him in here, Hanji?”

Eyes widening, I sat stock still on the couch. My heart felt like it’d been gripped by an icy hand, all the blood in my veins momentarily stopped flowing. He didn’t want me here? Does he regret telling me about what happened to him?

Hanji’s voice floated out smoothly, soothingly through the archway that led to the kitchen and dining area, “I thought it would be a good step towards your recovery, Levi…”

Several seconds of weighted silence filled the apartment. I sat there, not breathing, not sure what to do. I wished that I could just vanish. Maybe I could slip out the window or something…

An unfamiliar, deep voice broke my train of thought. “Levi… I’m sorry for what you went through.” Whoever it was, they didn’t sound sorry. They sounded calculating.

I heard something clutter to the ground followed by Levi shouting, “Sorry! You’re fucking _sorry!?_ Is that why you didn’t defend me when they locked me away in that hospital? Is that why you never came to visit me? Never! Not fucking _once!?_ ” By the end of his rant his voice began to quiver.

I heard the other man sigh, “It was too much for me, Levi. I couldn’t stand to see you the way you were, the way you are. I’m sorry I wasn’t more straightforward with you back then, but I was _scared_. You have to understand that.”

Levi let out a humorless laugh, “ _You_ were scared? Are you fucking kidding me right now? I had _everything_ taken away from me, my freedom, my future, my sanity, _everything!_ And you just… left me to those doctors, and fucking disappeared without a god damn word.”

He made a sound between a whine and a growl before he continued in a much quieter voice, “I loved you, Erwin…” 

Ah, Erwin. I remembered Levi briefly saying something about him when he began his story last night. They used to be together.

Barely, just _barely,_ I heard the low voice of Erwin mutter, “You intended to cheat on me…”

Another loud clanging sound, I guessed Levi had thrown something across the room. “You’d been sleeping with Nile for _months!_ For fuck’s sake you _moved_ _in_ _with_ _him_ _instead of_ _me!_ You think I didn’t know what was going on there?!” His voice was cracking, he was probably crying…

Erwin scoffed noisily, “You’re being irrational, Levi. I’m here trying to help.” His words and tone perfectly controlled.

“FUCK YOU!”

Finally, Hanji intervened, “Alright guys, let’s calm down… Erwin I think it’s best if you leave.”

“I agree. I’m sorry I couldn’t be of more help. We’ve just… We’ve been through too much together.” For the first time since he started speaking, I heard vulnerability in his voice, “I-I wasn’t strong enough. I’m truly sorry, Levi… I wish you the best.”

I heard the front door close quietly, followed by a resounding bang and rattling. Levi had thrown something at the door, I’m sure. “Levi, I’m sorry…” Hanji tried.

“Don’t fucking speak to me right now.”

Suddenly, he marched into the living room and immediately locked eyes with me. His eyes were bloodshot. He gripped the wall and held himself up while he groaned through gritted teeth as we stared at each other. My eyes widened and I quickly turned away.

I wondered if he was angry that I had been eavesdropping. He stormed over to me and pulled me off the couch and dragged me behind him as he made his way down the hallway and into what I assumed was Hanji’s bedroom.

There was a queen-sized bed sat across from a wide closet with mirror doors. I hardly got a chance to observe my surroundings as Levi slammed the door and roughly pulled me to the center of the room. He spun around and violently began attacking my lips with his.

He bit harder, and more frequently than he had in our previous kisses, our teeth constantly clacking together painfully. My lips were getting sore. It felt like they were bruising, and I was about to say something when he dropped to his knees and practically ripped my pants and underwear down, immediately taking my soft dick into his mouth and sucking it to hardness.

It was nothing like the previous blow job he’d given me. There was no grace to his movements, no pleasant touching with his fingers, just sloppy and fast movements of his mouth. Regardless, I found myself fully erect in less than a minute.

As soon as I was completely hard he turned away from me and pulled his pants past his knees, spreading his legs and leaning over onto all fours. He momentarily looked up and met my eyes in the mirror in front of him. There was something fierce in his eyes. He moaned loudly and abruptly dropped down further, so just his ass was sticking up, his face pressed down to the carpet as he canted his hips backwards. I watched his hole twitching invitingly as he continued gasping and moaning.

With one hand he reached back and circled his entrance with his thin fingertips. “Fuck me, Jaeger” he breathed. I assumed he was trying to sound demanding, but it sounded almost like he was begging. I knelt behind him and let my eyes scan up and down his arched back. He turned his head so he could see me looking at him in the mirror, shivers ran down his slender frame, and small, needy pants left his mouth.

This was the first time I’d seen his body in proper lighting, and God, was he beautiful. His skin was extremely pale from not seeing sunlight in so long, but it suited him. It made his raven hair stand out all the more. His shoulders looked surprisingly strong, leading down his smooth back to his narrow waist. Below that, his milky white ass was spread and waiting for me.

I ran my hand down the bumps of his spine before gently gripping his ass cheeks with both hands, letting my thumbs rub in small circles into his soft skin. I let out a surprised breath as he impatiently rutted backwards, his ass grazing against my erection.

I looked back to his eyes in the mirror in front of us. A glaze of lust had softened the fierceness that they held, but there was still something hard and angry in those steely orbs. His hips were making small thrusts as he continued to pant and groan uncontrollably beneath me.

I studied those alluring eyes, finally being able to determine their shade, as I brought a hand to my mouth to suck on three fingers.

“Don’t… bother… just—just fuck me.” he grunted between heavy breaths.

My dick twitched with how desperate he sounded. I licked my hand, and pumped myself a couple times to spread the saliva as a crude form of lube. Steadying myself, I pressed the tip into him, biting my lip in an effort to go slow.

My effort was in vain, as he quickly slammed his hips backwards, impaling himself in one swift movement. He cried out in pain as I sucked in air so hard, I nearly choked. Being so suddenly engulfed, and by such a tight embrace, I nearly lost it right there.

I slumped over his back, pressing my forehead to the space between his shoulder blades and squeezed my eyes shut, concentrating on not cumming while I listened to him whimpering in pain. He’d probably gotten ripped from that move… I was about to pull out completely when he started jerking his hips in small circles.

“Mmmm… Levi, are you alright to keep going?”

“Yeah...” he hissed “C’mon… fuck me… I—ah!—I want it _hard._ ”

I pulled back slowly and pressed back in at the same speed. He _had_ to have been in pain. His fingers were digging into the carpet below him and his groans sounded like he was on the verge of tears.

“Levi…” My voice was laced with concern and I stopped moving my hips.

He growled in frustration, “Damn it… Don’t stop! I want you to _hurt_ me.” He had started making frantic thrusts again, but I gripped his hips and stopped him.

This wasn’t right.

I leaned over and let my hands gently trail under him to his stomach, then up to wrap around his chest before I pulled him back with me, so we were both on our knees, looking in the mirror at each other. I felt him involuntarily contract around me as I stared at his eyes through the reflection in front of us.

I pulled out and discreetly spit into my hand, slathering more wetness onto myself before I pressed the tip into him once more. My arms wrapped around him tightly, fingers lightly caressing the skin under them.

I murmured into his ear as I slowly pressed into him deeper, far smoother than before, “Levi…” I gently kissed his neck a couple times, noting the slightly lighter ring of skin from the metal collar he was forced to wear for six, gruesome months. I hadn't noticed it before, and I wasn't able to see it in the dark of his room at the hospital. I kissed this scar as well before I looked back up to him in the mirror.

His head fell back against my collarbone, but he maintained eye contact, mouth open in silent moans. He looked confused. “I’ll never hurt you, Levi.” His eyebrows rose in surprise, and I watched as the anger from before completely drained from his eyes, replaced by something far softer. Tears welled in his eyes as he relaxed against me. One of his hands reached up to hold an arm of mine, while his other hand reached back to hold the back of my neck.

His body was fucking gorgeous, and fully on display in the mirror, but I kept my eyes trained on his as I tenderly rolled my hips. I watched his pupils dilate and his mouth dropped wider, a low moan rumbling forth.

I wanted to give him pleasure, but more than that I wanted to give him happiness. With each, slow roll of my hips, I tried to communicate how much I cared about him. I pressed kiss after kiss to his neck and the side of his head, my arms still tightly wrapped around him and holding him against my chest as I continued to slowly claim every inch of him.

He began undulating backwards in time with my deep thrusts. We fell naturally into perfect synchronization with each other; it was as if our bodies were communicating on a level that needed no words. He suddenly got very vocal, and I assumed I was hitting his prostate. The delightful new sounds he was making made shivers of lust run through me.

“Levi… Levi…” I whispered desperately into his ear. I knew the words I wanted to say. Words that I’ve said before, but never understood the weight they held until that moment. I loved him, I knew I did. And _God_ did I want to tell him. But I felt like it was too soon. Instead I settled on chanting his name like a prayer into his ear while our bodies writhed masterfully together.

We sped up, but only slightly. We didn't need speed. We were thriving on the passion in our movements, the meaning behind each deep thrust and the promise that came with each one. I was amorously kissing and sucking at his neck when I heard through his moans, “Look at me… Eren… Look at me…”

Happily obeying, I lifted my head and latched onto his gaze in the mirror. He looked positively ethereal; his snowy white skin seemed to glow under the sheen of sweat he’d gained. His misty eyes appeared altogether pleading, lustful, and affectionate as he stared back at me. His thin lips, parted and glistening as sinfully enticing moans slipped passed them.

My eyes trailed downwards for a moment, over the expanse of his lean body and down to his heavy erection which stood proudly between his spread thighs. The head was an angry shade of red from the blood surging through it. A long stream of pre-cum trailed from the tip down to the carpet below. I watched as his cock throbbed long and hard, and heard his moans increase a pitch. He was close.

Immediately, my eyes shot back up to meet his. “Eren… Ahh  _shit_ … Eren… Eren I’m-I-I…” His eyes rolled back and his hips pressed hard against me, taking me as deep as possible as he came. The nails digging into the back of my neck went almost unnoticed, thanks to how unbelievably tight his walls clenched around me in sporadic bursts, matching the jets of cum that shot from him. “Erennnn!”

Hearing him so openly moan my name, watching his perfect body pulse and twitch as he unloaded himself, it was too much and I quickly followed him after a couple more deep thrusts, lowly groaning his name while I filled him. I held him tight to my chest until I was completely finished, his quickened heartbeat pounding through his entire torso.

I shut my eyes and trailed lazy kisses down the side of his neck as I slowly slipped out of him. Gently, I laid him down on the carpet in an unsoiled area and curled up beside him. He turned towards me and clung to my front, his slowing breaths tickling my chest. I reached up and slid my fingers through his hair, pressing my nose to the top of his head.

“Thank you.” I heard him whisper, and I couldn’t help the huge grin that claimed my face. I knew he wasn’t just thanking me for the sex… I held him tighter and felt him squeeze me back.

We lay there, peacefully, for a couple minutes, but of course, nothing good can last forever. Loud banging on the bedroom door had us scrambling to sit up and fix our clothing. “You two about finished in there!?” Hanji shouted from the other side of the threshold.

After fixing his pants, Levi sprinted to the door and opened it. Hanji stood with their arms crossed, their knowing gaze already on me as I awkwardly stood up. “I hope you two didn’t soil my bed…” My face burned in embarrassment, there was no way they didn’t hear all of that through these paper-thin walls.

Levi scoffed, “As if there is any way for your bed to become filthier than it already is.” He brushed by the professor and made his way to the living room. Hanji’s gaze remained on me and I felt like I was about to be scolded like a child.

Instead, they approached me and laid a strong hand on my shoulder. I looked up to see them grinning down at me. “You better be good to him…”

I grinned back at them and my chest swelled with pride. “Of course!”

Their gaze dropped to the mess we’d made of the carpet; long wet streaks from Levi’s release, and a small pool where my own essence had leaked out of him. With an exasperated sigh and grimace they said, “And for goodness sake, spare my carpet next time?”

My face reddened further as they laughed and slapped me on the back. I felt like they had just given me their blessing, in their own, odd way. Feeling honored, I followed them out to the living room with a wide smile.

“Now!” Hanji announced when we reached the open area, clapping their hands together officially, “Let’s begin with the experiments, shall we?”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to find out what's going on in Levi's brain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a kinda short chapter :s

Out in the dining room, Hanji had set up some sort of station for the experiments. There was a regular dining chair draped in an array of cords that all connected to what looked like a black swimming cap, covered in small, white receptors. On the other end these cords were plugged into various machines, which were then plugged into a laptop.

Hanji eagerly bounced next to the chair with the cap and urged Levi to take a seat. The crazed professor began explaining the procedure, but spoke far too fast for me to understand anything. I did manage to catch that this was apparently an EEG machine that Hanji had rigged up to amplify and specifically display results based on the glands triggered in the brain.

I stood awkwardly to the side while the professor fuddled with the cords. Since they couldn’t look at Levi to put the cap on, he had to put it on himself. “This is fucking stupid looking…” he muttered.

Hanji guffawed, “Well it’s a good thing this isn’t a beauty pageant, isn’t it? Now hurry up and get that thing on so we can start!”

Through more grumbling, Levi finally got the cap on properly. After a few clicks of the mouse Hanji squealed. “Eren! Eren come and look at this!”

I stepped behind the over-excited professor to look at the screen. It was all white, with a multitude of wavelength lines going across horizontally. “Isn’t it _beautiful!?”_ Hanji mused, “The human brain, its inner workings laid flat on my screen... Like music notes drifting across a sheet of music…” Their voice was lilting and romantic, like they were describing a work of art.

One of the lines on screen increased in amplitude noticeably. “ _Oooooh!_ Levi your Limbic system is acting up! Tell me, what emotion are you feeling that caused that result!?” Hanji was practically buzzing with enthusiasm.

I heard Levi scoff as I continued staring at the screen, “Probably annoyance? Can we just get this shit over with? This fucking cap is giving me a headache.”

“Right, right.” Hanji said. They pushed their glassed up onto the top of their head, rendering their messy slop of hair even more wacked out. “Okay, Eren. Go stand in front of Levi and look directly at him.” They readied a notebook and pen in their hands and peered, unblinking at the screen before them, the white glow causing a ghostly pallor on their face.

I stepped around until I was in front of Levi. “Ready?” I asked. For some reason I felt incredibly nervous, even though I wasn’t the one in the spotlight. Hanji already had an idea of how Levi reacted from my sight, but that didn’t make what was about to happen any less awkward.

Levi sighed in exasperation, “As I’ll ever be…”

I flicked my gaze up and met Levi’s stare. For a moment, I wanted to laugh at how dorky he looked with his hair poking out in angry spikes from under the cap, but the moment I looked at him, his eyes rolled back and he arched off the chair, a low groan spilling from his lips. In my peripheral I could see Hanji madly scribbling in their notebook, eyes never leaving the screen all the while.

“F-fuck…” Levi moaned as his hands gripped the seat of his chair tightly. I bit my lip, desperately trying to ward off an erection as I watched how his hips started to slide back and forth, the front of his pants straining against his bulge. With each slide forward the fabric tightened over his groin, likely creating a pleasant friction that I was itching to replace with my own hands.

“God… Stop, e-enough…” he breathed out.

Obediently, I turned my gaze towards Hanji who was still looming over their notebook and scrawling across the pages. I felt incredibly embarrassed for what had just occurred, but Hanji didn’t seem phased in the least. A few moments later they slammed the notebook down and leaned back in their chair, running a finger across thin, frowning lips as they stared with a furrowed brow at the screen. “Absolutely fascinating…” they said at last, “Let’s try something else. Eren stand behind Levi and then look at him, please.”

Doing as I was told, I shuffled behind Levi’s chair. I gave no warning this time, as I raised my eyes to the back of his head. I could hear an intake of breath from him, and his head lolled to the side, hands once again gripping his seat.

“Okay that’s enough, Eren.” Hanji called from their place behind the machinery. I turned away and went to stand behind Hanji, peering over her shoulder as if I’d be able to glean anything from their illegible notes. They tapped a pen against their chin as they thought in silence.

“Damn it Hanji, would you fucking tell me what you saw already?”

The professor jolted in their seat, as if someone had woken them from a dream. “Oh! Yeah sorry it’s just so strange! When Eren was in front of you, your extrastriate cortex was stimulated, which is responsible for perception, because you were perceiving Eren's gaze on you... But I also saw that your somatosensory system is firing up, which is responsible for touch. So the pain you’re feeling is real. Your brain has conditioned itself to take perception stimulation and couple it with pain…”

There was a long beat of silence while Levi and I both digested this information. So all this time of doctors thinking he was just making it all up, he was in actual pain. I wondered why none of them had put Levi through this type of scan; it would have been obvious wouldn’t it? The thought angered me, but I tried to focus on the positive. Now that we knew what the problem was, we could work on some form of therapy.

“On top of that…” Hanji continued, “When he was behind you your extrastriate cortex was still firing off. Not as strongly, but… Damn Levi. Your non-conscious perception is _off the charts_!”

“Meaning…” he drawled.

“Non-conscious perception, it’s defined as our ability to sense when someone is looking at us. A lot of scientists don’t believe it’s an actual thing… But I’m pretty sure you just proved that it is…” they answered.

Something plopped onto the table in front of us. Levi had taken off the cap, and by the time I looked up he was already in the other room. I looked to Hanji, who gave a sympathetic shrug and went back to flipping through their notes.

I got up and went into the living room, glancing briefly to see Levi on the couch. He winced under my gaze, grating his jaw in an attempt to ignore the sensation. Without further causing him discomfort, I sat on the couch beside him.

He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his thighs and his head held in his hands. I laid a hand on his back, scooting closer to provide solace. He let out a long sigh, “I thought finding out that my condition was real would make me feel better about all this.”

I frowned, “It doesn’t?”

He tilted towards me, practically collapsing down until his head was in my lap. My eyes widened in surprise. Why was he suddenly so depressed? His claims that his condition was real were just confirmed… I thought this would be good news. My heart panged as I felt him clutch at my thigh while taking in a shaky breath.

“I…” he said, “…I wanted to know that it was real, that I wasn’t crazy. But… now it’s _real_ , you know? All this time I’ve spent just dealing with how things were, just dealing with what my life had become. But now it’s confirmed…” I felt a tear soak through my pants where his face laid against my thigh, “Just because of those  _bastards_ … I’m fucked up… ”

His ribcage contracted as he let out a silent sob. I hunched over so I could press a careful kiss to the side of his head. Wrapping my arms around him, I pulled him up as I lay down; adjusting so I was snugly spooned behind him. He was completely limp in my arms as I moved us until the position was comfortable. I held him firmly against my chest, our bodies joined like they were made to fit together.

“Hey.” I whispered, letting my hand trail up his chest until it was resting over his fluttering heart “You are not fucked up. You just need help, Hanji can figure out how to start making you better. And I’ll be here for you… I’ll _always_ be here for you…” I clamped my mouth shut on that last word. Christ, that was a line straight out of a crummy romance movie…

He was silent for a moment, before he said, “Always, huh? That’s a damn long time to be stuck with a brat like you…” I smiled and pressed my face into the back of his neck. 

We lay like that for several minutes, just enjoying each other’s body heat and touch. Eventually, in my peripheral, I saw Hanji poke their head through the archway. I looked up to see them smiling warmly back at me. “I know it’s a lot to take in Levi, but this is good news! I know exactly the next step we need to take.” They sauntered into the living room and plopped down in the recliner next to the couch.

“And what would that be?” Levi asked, warily.

“I’ve got the perfect therapist for you. He’s a student of mine, but he’s a damned _genius!_ He may not be licensed yet, but I promise you, he’s fully capable of helping you.”

Levi sighed, “Great, a student? Just what I need, another brat hanging around me…”

Hanji chuckled, and I sat up, Levi following suit. “Really though, I think you’ll like him. He’s always the top of his class and he shows considerable amount of interest in therapy for patients. I think pairing you two up will be beneficial for the both of you.”

“Sounds fantastic.” Levi muttered, unenthused. “So how is it going to work? I have to go back to the hospital tonight.”

“Oh that’s no problem; he’ll be visiting you probably once a week during visiting hours. I’ll speak with him about it tomorrow.”

“You haven’t asked him yet? How do you know he’ll want to?” I asked.

Hanji cocked their head towards me with a smirk. “Oh, he’ll want to. He sees things like this in the same light that I do. Like a puzzle that needs to be solved, a challenge. In all the cases he’s been given, he goes about it so strategically. It’s incredible, the conclusions he draws. Plus how often does a med student get to have a patient before they’re licensed!?”

“Lawfully? Never…” Levi said.

“Ohhh, don’t you go all ‘lawyer’ on me, Levi.”  Hanji replied in a playfully chiding tone.

Levi sniggered dryly, “I guess that’s one part of me that never died after all this time.”

Hanji leaned onto the armrest of the chair, keeping their eyes downcast. “Well, maybe after you’re cured you can get back into the field? Your law degree is still good…”

Next to me, Levi leaned back against the couch, when he spoke he sounded wistful, maybe even hopeful, “Yeah… Maybe I can…”

I smiled as I excitedly clasped my hands tightly together. Everything _needed_ to work out for him, after everything he’d been subjected to, he needed things to be okay. A normal life. Such a simple thing I wished for him.

I tried to imagine him as a lawyer, in a tailored suit instead of hospital garb. Imagined him confidently walking the streets, being able to enjoy dinner at a restaurant, shopping at a grocery store. All these things I do so regularly without a thought, things he’s been horribly deprived of for nearly two years.

I wondered if I would be a part of his life after this was all over… Or would he simply thank me and start anew? It would be understandable, I suppose; if he wanted to leave everything from this part of his life behind.

My heart felt like it had dropped into my stomach and my throat tightened with emotion. I didn’t want to be left behind… It was extremely clear to me now: he wasn’t just a patient or a casual fuck. I loved him, far more than what was probably appropriate, and I wanted to be with him even after all of this. _Especially_ after all of this.

I wanted to experience a real relationship with him. I wanted to take him out on dates, and listen to him complain about how shitty the service is. I wanted to spend evenings curled up on the couch with him, watching cheap movies and laughing at how bad the acting was. I wanted, more than anything, to be able to stare freely into those mercurial, blue-grey eyes and tell him just how much I cared about him.

A hand on my thigh broke me from my reverie. I looked down to see his slender, pale fingers, gently resting above my knee. The fingers tightened as he let out a breath beside me. Knowingly, I averted my gaze. “You alright there, kid?” he asked, quietly.

I forced a smile as I stared down at my own hands, still clutched together in my lap. “Yeah, yeah I just can’t wait for you to start feeling better.” I responded, lamely. He must have sensed my insecurity, because he shifted closer and leaned against me, moving his hand so that it covered my own. His cool skin sent a wave of comfort and relief through me.

I glanced over and noticed that Hanji had left the room while I was lost in my daydream. Levi’s lips touched lightly at my ear as I had my head turned. “I can’t wait either, Eren…” he whispered. The way he said my name made me shiver. It sounded like a promise. Maybe he felt the same way? Maybe he couldn’t wait to have a normal life… _with me._

The smile that graced my face this time was genuine, as I shifted my weight towards him and let my head rest on top of his. My eyes closed contentedly and visions of Levi’s face—not contorted in pain or pleasure—flitted through my mind. His beautiful, relaxed face, smiling at me.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if there are any brain specialists reading this, please forgive my ignorance. I don't know anything about the human brain lol, I just googled things so a lot of this is probably not very accurate :S 
> 
> But anywhale, I love you all, like a lot, like SO GODDAMN MUCH. Thank you to everyone who's stuck around and to anyone who's just joining. Comments and kudos make me a giddy little worm OuO ♥♥♥


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren has to take Levi back to the hospital

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the lovely comments ^_^ writing this is one of my favorite things to do just because of that. Even if your comment is short and sweet, it seriously makes my day seeing them. Love you guys ❤❤❤!!!

After a few hours of snuggling on the couch, it was nearing time for me to start my shift. I took a quick shower in Hanji’s bathroom, which was in just as much disarray as the rest of their apartment.

Empty bottles of shampoo and body wash littered the floor, though the trash bin was completely empty. Toothpaste stains practically covered the sink and countertop. The shower was no better, with an entire shelf lined with more empty bottles. I had wondered why Levi had declined the offer of a shower, and now I guess I knew why.

When I had finished, toweled off, and thrown on the scrubs I’d packed in my backpack, I left the bathroom to find Levi and Hanji chatting in the living room. The professor smiled at me, “Guess it’s about time you return our little pet to his cage, huh?” I heard Levi’s grunt of annoyance from the couch and I chuckled to myself, though the words stirred dread, and anxiety inside me.

 

During the drive to the hospital, Levi kept his hand firmly encased in mine. Luckily I can drive with one hand, because I sure as hell didn’t want to let go. We made small, idle talk during the 15 minute drive. There was a warm foreboding hanging over us, and I wondered if he could feel it too. I didn’t want to take him back to the hospital, I wanted to take him back to my apartment and sleep with him on my chest like we had the night before. I wanted that every night.

But I knew that things were going to start getting better, and if I wanted to have him in my arms permanently, that taking him back to the hospital was necessary. Hopefully his therapy could begin this week.

I vaguely wondered what the staff would think about an outside therapist coming in to help one of their patients. I’m sure it wouldn’t be allowed. Especially since whoever this student was, they weren’t licensed to be taking on patients. I mentioned this to Levi and he assured me he wouldn’t mention it to anyone. Not like he was very communicative with the other staff members anyway.

I pulled into an available parking spot, and with a heavy heart, leaned over to press a closed-eyed kiss to Levi’s forehead. As I began to lean back, he grabbed me by the collar and roughly pulled me forward, covering my lips with his own. I moaned against his mouth while he trailed his hand up my neck to grasp a handful of my hair, lightly tugging and giving me a tingling sensation from my scalp down the nape of my neck.

_God damn, I don’t want to take him back…_

We stumbled out of the car and our hands quickly found each other once again. We started heading towards the hospital and I abruptly stopped in my tracks, Levi lurching backwards at my sudden halt. “What’s the deal, brat?” he asked, annoyed.

“I didn’t think about how we were going to get you back inside…The morgue locks from the outside…” I trailed off, frantically searching my mind for a solution.

To my side, Levi let out a long sigh, “I guess we’re going in through the front like regular people?”

My lips tilted into a frown, “Is that okay, though? It’s evening so there probably won’t be many people, but…”

He tugged me forward by his hand, “It’s fine.” He sounded angry, but determined. I fell into step by his side, staring up at the dauntingly large, white building in front of us. When we entered the lobby through the sliding glass doors, I stepped in front of Levi so the receptionist at the desk couldn’t see him. There were only two people in the lobby, an old couple. The woman was engrossed in a thick novel, while the old man had nodded off in a doze beside her.

I gave a nod to the receptionist and they seemingly ignored me, looking back down to the computer screen in front of them. I shuffled quickly into the hallways pulling Levi along. Just like when I had practically smuggled him out of the hospital, we quickly darted from one corner to the next. Though, this time there were no giddy chuckling and giggling. In silence, we maneuvered the quiet halls.

We crossed paths with a several people, but they never made eye contact with either of us, thankfully. I never noticed how little attention people pay to strangers they pass. As we turned the corner to the hallway that contained our dreaded destination, I noticed a small group of people standing near Levi’s door… no, not near… they were _in front_ of his door.

As the distance began to close, I instinctively urged Levi to stand behind me with my hand. Even more so, when the tall figure standing at the front of the group of people came into focus. That familiar, long face, small rounded glasses shielding brown eyes so unlike mine, but pumping with the same blood that runs through me. The chief of medicine: Dr. Grisha Jaeger. My father.

His arms were crossed and he had fixed a disappointed stare on me as I approached. I noticed that Petra stood to his side, along with two male nurses. She didn’t look at me as I finally came to a stop in front of them, keeping her gaze fixed on the floor at her feet.

“Eren.” my father said between his teeth. I looked back to him and he did not look pleased. “Sir?” I asked, squeezing Levi’s hand behind my back. Luckily I was tall enough to shield him from my father’s cold, disdainful eye. “I hear you’ve taken quite an interest in this patient, Levi?” His words were tightly restraining his disapproval.

“Yes, sir.” I answered simply.

My father let out a long sigh, pushing his glasses up on the bridge of his nose. “Eren you are not studied in psychiatry. I can’t allow this to continue. Please hand the patient over, and give nurse Petra back the keycard she let you borrow.”

My eyes widened and a deathly cold chill ran down my spine. Behind me I heard Levi gasp quietly, tightening his grip on my hand with both of his. My eyes flicked over to Petra, who was still staring down at the ground, but I could see her eyes swimming with sadness and regret. The two male nurses stepped forward and I threw an arm out, a weak attempt in trying to further shield Levi.

“What? No, I’m helping him!” I attempted to reason.

“Eren, that’s not in your realm of abilities. Let those who are trained in the field deal with him.”

“Deal with him!?” I grated out, “He doesn’t need to be _dealt_ with. He needs help, and care.”

“Son, you aren’t doing the patient any good.”

“I’m doing more good than anyone here has _ever_ tried to do. You just want to lock him away and shove pills down his throat! That’s not treatment!” As I spoke the two male nurses tried to get their hands on the small man cowering behind me.

My father didn’t respond, just took a step forward and grabbed my outstretched arm. He pulled me away from Levi, our hands ripping apart. I heard a pained cry behind me as I was yanked forward. I tried desperately to pry my father’s fingers off me, the frenzied need to protect Levi taking over.

“Eren! Stop! This is ridiculous!” My father bellowed.

When I’d finally freed myself from his hold and spun around, the nurses already had Levi restrained. Their thick fingers digging into his thin arms while he kicked and screamed for them to stop. I readied to fly forward, but quickly found myself wrapped in my father’s arms.

I struggled in his vice-like grip while the nurses hauled Levi towards his room door. I made a brief second of eye contact with Levi as they passed. Tears wet his cheeks, and that terrified, anguished face I’d hoped I’d never see again was there in front of me for a second time. Only now, I could do nothing.

I watched, falling limp in my father’s arms as they threw Levi into his darkened room. When the door was closed, my dad finally released me. I stood defeated in the hallway, tears pricking behind my closed lids. I barely registered that my dad was speaking.

“I don’t know what kind of relationship you’ve developed, but I can plainly see that it is not acceptable. Nor is it healthy. I don’t want you coming into the Psych Ward anymore, Eren. There’s no reason for you to be here. Now hand over the keycard, and from now on when you begin your shift I want you reporting to Dr. Shadis for rounds. If I hear that you’ve been anywhere near this patient again I’ll have no choice but to fire you, and ban you from the hospital entirely.”

When he was finished speaking, I only heard the sound of multiple footsteps leaving the scene. The sound reverberated inside my skull and I suddenly felt sick.

I fought the burning temptation I felt in my limbs to collapse to the floor. Grief flooded my senses and I felt my feet carrying me towards his door. I raised a hand and pressed it against the familiar wooden grain. He was right there, so fucking close but I couldn’t see him, or touch him. Again, this damned door was between us. “I’ll figure something out, Levi.” I said quietly, hoping he heard.

I was considering just opening the door, despite my father’s threat when a timid voice spoke out from behind me, “I’m so sorry…” I turned slowly, to see Petra standing there, her eyes glistening. “I thought your father would be proud of you, to hear that you were taking special care of a patient… That you were getting through to one of our most difficult patients.” A single tear rolled down her cheek and she quickly wiped it away.

Digging in my pocket I pulled out the keycard and held it out to her. “It’s okay, Petra. You couldn’t have known how he’d react.” She stared at me, quizzically for a moment before she took the card. “Eren… Exactly what kind of relationship do you have with Levi?”

I felt a blush heat my cheeks, “I… I care about him… a lot.”

She smiled her trademark, cherry sweet smile as she responded, “I see. That’s very sweet, but…” her smile fell, “I can’t allow you to be in this ward anymore. I’m so sorry, this is all my fault…”

I shook my head, “I don’t blame you, Petra. Just look out for him in my stead, will you?” I offered her a reassuring smile and she perked back up and grinned up at me. “I will.”

 

Rounds were terrible. In order to attend them I had to wake up four hours earlier than I was used to. That, added with all the stress over what happened the previous night, I got maybe one or two hours of sleep. I was in absolutely no mood to deal with anyone.

 Jean must have sensed my annoyed disposition, and decided to push me further. “Well, well, well. Look who’s fallen off his high and mighty horse to join us lowly plebs…” his lilting tone grating on my nerves.

“Watch it, horse face.”

Jean’s brow furrowed and his lip curled while Connie burst out in laughter. “Oh my god, he _does_ have a horse’s face!” The other residents chuckled lightly while Connie doubled over in laughter gripping his stomach. Jean stomped over to him and gave him a firm smack to the back of his buzzed head. “Ow!”

“Oi!” Sasha screeched, jumping in front of Connie and adopting some strange flying crane pose. “You’ll have to deal with the two of us if you’re gonna start something, horse-face!” Jean wound up a fist, “ _Stop calling me that!”_ Connie jumped into a stance equally as ridiculous as Sasha’s, while Marco tried in vain to talk Jean down.

I couldn’t help the smirk that graced my face. Rounds were going to suck, and not being able to see Levi would be torture, but I did kind of miss these people. I hadn’t really hung around those four since med school, and they hadn’t changed at all.

They continued their loud squabbling, and I let my mind wander to how I was going to convince my father to allow me to see Levi again. Surely, telling him I loved Levi wouldn’t work. I had a feeling he already had an idea of what was going on, by my absolute freak out when they tore him away from me.  I was determined, however, to figure something out. There’s no way I’d give up that easily.

I was just considering switching my intended specialty from cardiology to psychiatry when a booming voice ripped through my thoughts. “What in the _hell_ is all that noise?” I turned to see Dr. Shadis, a tall man with a shiny, bald head. His severe, seemingly unblinking eyes boring into each and every one of us.

To my sides, the other residents immediately straightened up, forgetting the bickering they were doing just a moment ago. Apparently, Dr. Shadis had quite a hold over my colleagues. I’d never seen them behave so obediently.

We stood in a line, shoulder to shoulder. I looked to Jean who was standing to my right. His face was a mixture of intense concentration and fear. Seriously, what the hell is _with_ everyone? I felt like we were in the army or something and Dr. Shadis was our drill sergeant. The thought of Jean being in any sort of military made me chuckle, he’d probably wet his pants at the first sign of danger.

“Something you’d like to share with us, Jaeger?” A shadow shrouded me and I looked up to see Dr. Shadis standing right in front of me. Suddenly, the reactions of my peers made sense, this guy was freakishly intimidating. I felt like I was going to burst into angry flames just from his glare.

“Uh… No. No, Dr. Shadis.” I muttered.

He leaned in, his forehead almost touching mine while his eyes continued to drill into me. I wanted, so badly, to look away… but I felt like if I did I would get throttled. What the hell kind of doctor did they put in charge of rounds!? I thought it was going to be like daycare for residents, but this guy… this guy was _intense._

“Don’t expect any special treatment, scrub. I don’t care if your father is the god damn pope, you _will_ fall in line with your fellow residents.” his tone no longer a booming shout, instead he spoke lowly… _Darkly._

“U-u-understood Dr. Shadis.” My voice shook as I spoke.

He straightened up. “Good.” His eyes scanned down the line of trembling newbies, “Now let’s begin the day’s training.”

 

Hours later and I seriously felt like I’d undergone some sort of boot camp. Dr. Shadis had us nearly running around the hospital, obtaining various medical supplies and tools, making split second diagnoses and berating us if we got them wrong. My legs were actually _sore_ from how much quick walking we’d done. The guy’s pace was unnecessarily fast and unrelenting.

To be honest I was a little thankful for the draining work, it helped keep my mind off of Levi. We all gathered in the break room to take some much needed sitting-time during our lunch break. I let my head fall back while the obnoxious chattering of my colleagues faded from my attention. I felt a buzz in my pocket and jerked myself up, digging in my scrubs to grab my phone.

 **Hanji:** _Hey buttercup! How’s our lil midget today? ^_^_

I sighed sadly, and tapped out my response.

**Eren:** _I wouldnt know. My dad found out iv been seeing him and banned me from the psych ward… dad is chief of med. Btw_

**Hanji:** _Oh shit D: that’s awful… I’m sure you’ll figure out a way to see him. TRUE LOVE CONQUERS ALL (_ _╯_ __°Д°_ _ _）_ _╯❤_

I smiled, despite myself. They were right though, I would find a way. Just as I was about to tuck my phone away, another message came through.

**Hanji:** _I almost forgot! That student of mine was super excited about Levi’s case. He headed over there right after class, by now he’s probably finishing up their first session  :O_

**Eren:** _Thats great! Ill head over there right now. Id like to meet him_

I felt like if I couldn’t see Levi, I could at least learn how he’s doing via his therapist. Plus, even though Hanji was overly supportive of this person, I wanted to see what he was like. I needed my own opinion of him, to make sure he was good to be around Levi by my _own_ standards.

We still had about a half hour for our lunch break, so I walked briskly towards the Psych Ward. The moment I stepped through the door, Petra gave me a sympathetic frown. “Eren, I really am sorry, but I can’t let you be in here.”

“I’m not trying to see Levi, it’s okay if I just stand by your desk right?”

She bit worriedly at her lip, brow furrowed. “I suppose so…” she said at last.

I grinned as I thanked her, then turned to watch down the hallway that would lead towards Levi’s room. It was around the corner so I wouldn’t be able to see him as he came out from the room, but as a visitor he would have to check out at the nurse’s station, so he’d have to come this direction. Visiting hours were over soon; I figured I wouldn’t have to wait long.

I bid my time with idle thoughts as I leaned against the high counter behind me. I wondered what kind of person he was… If he was recommended by Hanji that was a good thing as well as bad. What if he’s just as batty as his professor? Then again, he isn’t a brain specialist like Hanji is. He was studying to be a psychiatrist, so I’m sure he’s taken classes on how to behave around a patient. Bedside manner, that sort of thing.

After about five minutes, someone turned the corner at the end of the long hallway. He was fairly short, maybe only an inch or two taller than Levi, with a crop of blond hair that fell to his jaw line, and bangs stopping just short of his eyebrows. His baby blue eyes met mine and widened comically.

“Eren!?”

“Armin!?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A round of applause for PandaKitties, who figured out who the therapist was XD
> 
> I'll be going to Anime Expo next week, so the next chapter may be a little late :s I apologize in advance, but I'll do my best.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and Armin reunite~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a terrible person, I know this is late T_T and it's so anticlimactic. Forgive me! D:
> 
>  
> 
> [Also here is that amazing fanart by Mewtalina ^^](http://www.deviantart.com/art/Room-105-I-Miss-You-503180656)

We embraced tightly for several moments, reveling in the presence of the other after so long of being apart. “Christ, Armin. It’s been _years_! Where the hell did you disappear to?”

I had met Armin in our freshman year of high school. I had the proclivity to keep to myself, so I didn’t have many friends. My sister, Mikasa would sit with me at lunch time, and she kept me out of fights most of the time. But that’s family, I didn’t have any real _friends._

One day, I happened to be walking down the right corridor at the right time, and saw a small blond boy being shoved against the lockers by a huge oaf that probably still needed his mother to tie his shoes for him.

The huge guy had the boy’s collar fisted in his fat hand and his other hand was wound up in a fist. Without even cognitively considering my actions, I flew forward. I grabbed the meaty fist, and with strength I didn’t know I had, I twisted his arm backwards at an awkward angle.

The guy screamed out in pain, quickly releasing the wide-eyed boy who slumped down on his ass. I further twisted the limb in my grasp. “Stop! Stop stop please that _hurts!_ ” he whined, rapidly. I stood on my tip-toes and growled in his ear, “You are going to leave. Now.”

I shoved his large body away from me and he scuttled off, not even looking back at us. I turned to look down at the boy, who was curled up in a ball, his hands covering his eyes and shoulders shaking.

“Hey…” I said softly, kneeling down in front of him, “…You okay?”

He sniffed loudly and looked up to me, huge watery eyes appraising me. “Y-yeah, thank you.” He smiled, and I smiled back. That was how our friendship began. His brains helped me pass my mundane classes, and my brawn helped protect him from bullies. Mikasa became one of his protectors as well. We were quite the trio in our four years of high school.

After graduation, Mikasa left for basic training, and I applied for medical universities. I always knew I’d become a doctor. After my mom died of cancer when I was young, I blamed my father for not being able to save her. Childish, sure, but that fed my drive to save people; to do better than he had.

To my great surprise, Armin followed me to medical school. He had never expressed an interest in medicine before; I figured he probably wasn’t ready to part ways just yet.

On our first day of dissection, when they rolled out a cadaver’s arm and the professor cut into the cold flesh, Armin’s face turned snow white and he promptly fainted. The professor had tried to assure him that he wasn’t the first, that with time he could overcome it.

Armin wouldn’t hear it. Maybe he was embarrassed, I wasn’t sure… But he dropped out the next day and I didn’t see him again. I’d text him, and he told me he was going on vacation for a while, not to worry. Months went by and I would get a small update from him now and then.

By the time I graduated med school, communication had dropped completely between us. I heard that tends to happen between friends from high school. After we receive our diplomas we go our separate ways, only to slowly forget how it feels to have that person be a part of your life every day. Until they become just a happy memory.

But here he was, standing in front of me, looking at me with excited blue eyes, and it was like he’d never left. That familiarity between us came flooding back.

“I’m _so_ sorry for not keeping up with you during my travels!” he groaned in shame, “I was just so constantly caught up in everything around me I kind of forgot about everything else. I went backpacking across Europe… I just… I needed to prove to myself that I could survive on my own. Without you or Mikasa to protect me, you know? And then it’d just been so long…”

His eyes had sunk down to stare at his feet. I grinned, “I understand Armin. I’m just so glad to see you again. Now, tell me you’re not the psychiatrist that Hanji sent…”

“Professor Zoe?” He laughed and then said, “Tell me you’re not the ‘tall, dark, and handsome boyfriend’.” I blushed hard at the use of the word “boyfriend,” and wondered who had described me like that, Hanji or Levi? …Probably Hanji.

He laughed harder at my abashment and I couldn’t help but smile. With less than 10 minutes left until I had to return to work, I ushered him towards some chairs that were against the wall in front of the front desk. A miniature waiting area of sorts.

“So I’m not going to question the fact that you’re a doctor and dating a patient…” he said skeptically.

“We’re not dating. Well, not _technically_ …” I shook my head and tried to focus, “I’m short on time, think you could give me a run down on his first session?”

Armin studied me for a moment, his brows furrowed, “I mean… I’m not licensed, but I still feel I should honor doctor patient confidentiality. I can ask him next time if he’s okay with me divulging information with you.”

I frowned. So much for getting to know how Levi was doing…

Armin spoke up again, “This wasn’t that interesting of a session, anyways. We were, more or less, just trying to get to know each other.”

I nodded solemnly. I’d been hoping that I could stay close to Levi through hearing how his therapy was going. Without being able to see him myself, I figured this would be the next best thing. However, now I really had nothing…

Armin sensed my darkened mood and patted me on the knee reassuringly. “Hey, even if he doesn’t want me telling you specifics, I can still let you know how he’s doing.”

I looked to him and gave him a weak smile. He grinned back and said, “We should hang out some time. Want to get coffee tomorrow?” My smile brightened and I agreed with him, quickly giving him a hug and exchanging our new cell numbers before I returned to work.

 

The next day I had off, thankfully. I woke to a text from Armin.

**Armin:** _Hey, is noon okay for coffee? That little place right next to the hospital_

I glanced at the clock next to my bed and groaned. It was already past 2p.m.

**Eren:** _Damn, sorry. I just wokeup. Body is used to the nightshift_

**Armin:** _That’s okay! No class today, are you free right now?_

**Eren:** _for sure. Same place? Ill head over now_

I leapt out of bed with vigor generally not reserved for the mornings. It had been so long since I’ve been able to _really_ talk with him, and I couldn’t wait. After sloppily getting dressed and ready, I hopped into my car and headed towards the coffee shop right next to the hospital.

It was a fairly small place, locally owned, but they thrived from their location. I’d been in there a few times; I wasn’t much of a coffee drinker. But in those few times, I noticed that the majority of the patrons were wearing scrubs.

When I walked in, my nose was pleasantly assaulted by the aroma of freshly ground coffee. I spotted Armin in the back corner, nursing a steaming cup. When he noticed me walking towards him he slammed his cup down and started frantically waving his arms, as if I didn’t see him.

Grinning, I plopped into the seat in front of him. “Man, it is so good to be able to see you again.” he said. “It really is…” I responded, “Now, tell me about Armin’s Grand Adventure!”

I ordered an overly sweet cup of coffee and sat back to hear Armin’s tale. He told me about each country he visited, and some of the many experiences he’d had. Apparently, after he finished his soul searching, he returned home and applied for Sina University to major in Psychiatry. He figured since he couldn’t be a medical doctor to help people, he could at the very least help people through psychological therapy.

By the time he finished, both of us had drained our small cups of coffee, but I was nowhere near done talking with him.

“So…” I began, “About Levi. I kind of… well. Yeah, I kind of might… love him…” I stared down at my empty cup as my face flushed probably as red as a tomato. He didn’t say anything in response, so I glanced up to survey his reaction.

He was looking back at me grinning with a raised brow. “I figured that already, Eren. Professor Zoe explained—in far too much detail, I might add—how you and Levi got along while he was at her apartment.”

My cheeks burned and I fought to keep eye-contact through my embarrassment. Armin shook his head and leaned in towards me. “Seriously though, Eren? You’re sleeping with a patient from Psychiatrics? You could get into serious trouble with that. As far as administration is concerned, those patients don’t have the ability to consent!” He was whispering, but I could still hear the panic in his words.

I ran a hand raggedly across my face and groaned. “I know, Armin. My dad’s the chief of medicine there. He found out that I have a closer-than-acceptable relationship with Levi, and banned me from the Psych Ward entirely.”

He gave me a sympathetic look and reached across the table to cover my hand with his own. “I’m sorry, Eren. But maybe it’s for the best? At least until Levi gets better. Once he can prove that he’s cured, they’ll have no right to keep him locked away there.”

My eyes widened. Why hadn’t that occurred to me until now? I was so lost in the drowning depression of not being able to see Levi that I completely forgot that once he’s better, he’ll be free to leave the hospital for good.

“How long?” I demanded.

Armin quirked the corner of his lip downward, “I can’t really say. I have to learn about his past, get to know him more. I have to earn his trust before I can begin administering treatment, and who knows how long that will take…” he trailed off, and all the excitement left my body, replaced with the familiar feeling of despair.

A light tapping on my hand brought my attention back to the present. Armin was looking at me with sad hopefulness. “I’ll do my very best, Eren. And I’m sure he will too.”

“Thanks… I just miss him…”

“I know you do… He misses you too, I can tell.”

I smiled at the thought of Levi missing me, and Armin smiled back. “Hey…” he said , his voice hushed, “I could sneak things into his room for you. If you wanted to, maybe, write him a note or something.”

Chuckling quietly, I responded, “Oh my god, Armin. I’m not in high school anymore. Adults don’t pass notes.”

He rolled his eyes before cocking his head and saying, “It’s better than nothing, isn’t it?”

I chewed the inside of my cheek while I considered this. He was right, of course. I couldn’t see Levi, or talk to him, or even know about his sessions. I needed _something_ or I felt like I was going to lose my damn mind. When did he become such a necessity to me?

Armin slid a small notepad across the table with a pen. I lifted the pen and let the tip touch the bare paper. Suddenly the plastic stick in my hand became incredibly heavy. What the hell was I supposed to write?

“Don’t over think it.” I heard Armin say, “Just write something short and simple.”

I wrote the first thing that came to mind:

[ ](http://imgur.com/syqvnZj)

_I miss you_

_-Eren_

When Armin read it he grinned and tucked the notepad back in his coat pocket. “I’ll give it to him when I see him again in two days.”

 

I never realized how slowly time moved when you were waiting for something. Every night I found myself unable to sleep, again. I thought of the times we spent together, the absolutely incredible sex we’d had before we left Hanji’s apartment. No, it wasn’t sex… It was making love. I had never felt such a strong connection with someone before.

I lay in bed, thinking of how his pale skin seemed to glow as he kneeled in front of me. I remembered how his cobalt blue eyes stared back at me, overcome with emotion and sensation. How his cool skin felt against my own burning flesh. But even those thoughts only made my heart weigh heavier in my chest.

I found it hard to pay attention in rounds, my eyes constantly checking my watch to see if the day was near its end. I got yelled at by Dr. Shadis more times than I cared to count. But it didn’t matter, my mind wasn’t in the work we were doing.

At the end of the second day, I briskly walked into the Psych Ward, raising a defensive hand to Petra when she opened her mouth to protest my presence. She shook her head, but I could see a faint smile on her face as she went back to her work.

I stood there idly while the minutes ticked by, waiting impatiently for visiting hours to end. Finally that familiar face of my high school friend appeared at the end of the hallway. I grinned madly and fought the urge to run down the hall to meet him. When he got closer, my smile dropped. He looked… _disturbed._

“Armin?” I asked hesitantly.

His head shook slightly as he blinked his gaze towards me. He smiled faintly, “Sorry, just… that was a pretty heavy session. My classes taught me not to get pulled into the emotions of our patients, but…” his eyes fell downcast again.

I grabbed him gently by the arm and pulled him to the same seats we used before. “What did you guys talk about… Or, can you still not tell me?”

Armin pressed his lips firmly together before he spoke, “No, he said I could tell you most of what we talked about. He said you already knew… about…” His voice died in his throat.

“His past?” I finished for him.

He nodded his head slowly. “I’m hoping…” His eyes darkened and his lip curled in disgust “…I’m hoping that with the therapy I have in mind, he may be able to recall more details. Maybe something that will help us to bring justice to those inhuman cretins.”

We sat silently for a few moments before I felt him stir next to me. He dug in his pocket and handed me his notepad with a slight smile. I snatched it from his extended hand and flipped through pages of notes. I vaguely registered that the note I’d left for Levi had been ripped out. Slowly, I turned the page, and there it was:

[ ](http://imgur.com/wFnxQs9)

_I miss you too, brat..._

_-Levi_

His delicate scrawl tattooed the lined paper, the varying pressure from his hand, branding those words as his own. I let my finger trace the words, _his_ words. He had held this notebook, his hand creating these fluid marks. I felt stinging in my eyes as tears began to gather. I managed to blink them away before they overflowed.

All I wanted was to be able to hold him again. I hated that piece of paper just as much as I loved it. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I asked Armin if I could keep the note. He put an arm around my shoulder and said, “Of course.”

After he’d left, and I sat alone in the waiting area of the Psych Ward, I pressed the paper to my nose. I inhaled, desperate for just a trace of Levi’s scent. All I got was the woody smell of the paper and the sharp metal smell from the ink.

_Nothing_.

I crumpled in on myself, clutching that forsaken piece of paper in my hands while I began to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ufffff. I'm gonna do my best to get the next chapter out soon. I owe y'all. On a positive note, Anime Expo was a BLAST :D


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Armin begins treatment for Levi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy cow, look at that, three days go by and I already got a new chapter. Hopefully this makes up for the lag that AX caused XD  
> Love you all, hope you enjoy ^_^

~Levi’s POV~

“Are you comfortable?” The boy’s overly-sweet voice carried softly through the room. I considered the stiffness of my mattress and rolled my eyes, “As I’ll ever be…”

“Good,” the blond kid responded. Honestly, the twerp was probably less than half my age, Hanji really thinks he’ll be able to cure me? “I want you to completely relax your entire body. Close your eyes, and visualize all of your muscles and allow them to relax. Your facial muscles, down to your neck, your shoulders as well as your arms…”

He continued to talk me through the complete unwinding of my body. His voice was surprisingly soothing. My eyelids slid shut and suddenly my mattress felt like the most comfortable surface I’ve ever laid on. After a couple minutes he spoke again.

“Now, explain to me the perfect place. Somewhere you would feel at peace.” his quiet voice, audible but not distracting from my relaxation.

_Somewhere I would feel at peace._

I thought briefly of the suffocating walls of my room, surrounding me; the darkened ceiling bearing down on me, day and night. I could hear my voice as it escaped me, but it sounded far away.

“Somewhere where I can see the entire sky…”

Armin responded, “Somewhere large and free, nothing to obstruct your view. A wide open plain, soft green grass under your bare feet and a wide blue sky above you. The sun warming your skin and soft sounds of a cool breeze. Peaceful, and quiet.”

As I listened to him gently describing this place, I felt my body relax further into the bed below me. My mind felt like it had subtly flipped a switch, and had entered me into a state of near sleep, but still conscious and aware. My body seemed leaden, yet I had the sensation of  weightlessness. And nothing in the world mattered. All my stress and problems, forgotten.

In my mind the world he described unfolded, and I was there. His voice became my thoughts, like his words were gently guiding me into this place. I could _feel_ the grass under my feet, the sun on my skin, and the breeze in my hair. I sat down on the warm grass beneath me, letting the blades of grass flick between my fingers as I gazed up at the impossibly large sky above.

A voice filtered through, soft and mild.

_There is someone there with you, someone to protect you._

In front of me, a vague outline of a person materialized. They were fuzzy and I couldn’t see their face.

_Think of them as your guardian angel, can you see them?_

Yes. Yes I could see him. The blurriness began to wane and the figure took shape. A familiar shape. Tall and lanky, scruffy brown hair. He was wearing his scrubs, and from his back, shining light shrouded him almost like wings.

_How do you feel when your guardian angel looks at you?_

He knelt before me and his dazzling blue-green eyes pierced into me, a warm grin playing at his lips. My nerves were suddenly alive with pleasant white fire.

Warm. Protected. Safe.

_Loved._

A tranquility like I’ve never experienced thrummed through my veins while we stared at each other. This person, this kind and amazingly caring person… I was okay here, with him. With him looking at me. It was okay.

I leaned forward to run my fingers over his cheekbones. He was warm, like he always was. It sent a refreshing chill through my cold skin as I traced his face with my fingertips. He leaned into my palm and let his eyelids droop, “Levi…”

 _“Eren…”_ I sighed.

_Okay Levi, it’s time to wake up._

What? No… I didn’t want to leave. Eren was here. Here was safe.

_It’s okay. Your guardian is always with you._

The Eren in front of me leaned in and gave me a chaste kiss to the forehead. As he pulled away he fixed me with a smile that made my heart soar. Right, of course, he wouldn’t leave me…

I smiled back as the world around me began to blur. It was okay though, because he’d be there for me, always. The sky above turned dark, and I soon realized I was staring up at the ceiling of my room. Beneath me was my firm, thin mattress; not soft blades of grass. Yet the peaceful and safe feeling remained inside me. Everything was going to be okay.

I turned my head to the side and saw Armin sitting in a chair, looking at me and smiling. I quirked a quick grin and sat up. I’d never noticed how blue the kid’s eyes were—wait. _Wait._ My grin immediately vanished the moment it dawned on me.

_HE WAS LOOKING AT ME._

And just like that, a devastating, sharp pain pulsed through my temples, like a bullet was slowly driving through my skull. The agony coursed down my neck and through my arms. I clenched my teeth and groaned, “Stop, for the love of god STOP!” I grit out.

Quickly, the boy turned his head away. I felt like strangling the damn kid. What the fuck was he thinking? He _knew_ how having someone look at me pained me…

“I’m sorry Levi. But that was an excellent first step towards recovery. I was looking at you from the moment you fell into hypnosis until just now. You should be proud of yourself.”

I crinkled my brow while I stared at the side of his head. That whole time? That whole time he was looking at me? Even when I first sat up, he was looking at me and I didn’t feel anything… It wasn’t until I _realized_ his gaze was on me that it began to hurt.

Damn… This kid was good.

I sighed and leaned back on my hands. “Hm… Not bad.” Armin smiled and nodded. “You’re progressing a lot faster than I expected, really. I’d say with a few more sessions, you’ll be able to control your reactions cognitively. Then after that it’s just a matter of exposure until you get to the point where you don’t have to think about it.”

To myself, I wondered why it was moving so smoothly. It had to be because of that infuriatingly attractive brat, Eren. As much as I loathe to admit it, he’d gotten under my skin. Farther under my skin than anyone before him managed to do. Maybe it was because I’d been locked away with no physical contact for so long, maybe I just missed having someone to care about me. Shaking my head I realized the reason doesn't matter.

 I closed my eyes and remembered how real he seemed just a few moments ago. That genuine smile, those deep eyes that I could feel myself happily drowning in.

 _Fuck,_ when did I become such a sap?

I let my hand slip under my pillow until my fingers brushed against a slightly wrinkled piece of paper. The note Eren had written for me. I fingered at the sharp edge, feeling my heart swoop lowly while I thought of how much longer I may need to go without seeing him. No… Fuck that.

“Hey, Armin. Mind if I write another note for Eren?”

 

 

~Eren’s POV~

It was the day of Levi’s third session. Armin had told me he would begin treatment today, so I was excited to hear how things had gone. During our lunch break I hoofed it to Psychiatrics to wait, once again.

As I sat in the chairs in front of the front desk, I noticed Petra eyeing me curiously. Finally, she walked out from behind the desk and slowly approached me. She took the seat next to me, “Eren… What exactly is going on? That blond guy has been in here three times now in less than two weeks for Levi, for the same amount of time consistently. And you, you’re always here waiting for him.”

I momentarily wondered if I could tell Petra that Armin was, in fact, a therapist working to cure Levi. It was definitely against policy to have an outside, _unlicensed_ therapist work with a patient, so I decided to tell partial truths to sate her curiosity.

“Well, I really miss Levi. You know, I care about him a lot. So I’m having a friend of mine visit with him to tell me how he’s doing. That’s all.” I gave her a winning smile and hoped she bought it.

She leaned back in her seat and raised a brow. She smiled complacently and crossed her arms as she said, “You love him, don’t you?” I nearly choked as I gasped, eyes going wide to stare at her in shock.

“Wh-what!?” I sputtered. “He’s a patient! I just…” I lowered my voice, only just realizing I had been shouting, “I just want to make sure he’s okay.”

Petra nudged me with her shoulder and chuckled, “It’s okay! I think it’s adorable!” I groaned and leaned over to run my hands through my hair. “Such a shame, though. That you two met under these conditions…” she continued, “But I’m a believer in true love, so don’t give up!”

With that she left me to wallow in my embarrassment until Armin came, half-skipping, down the hall. He daintily sat in the seat next to me and I couldn’t help but to match his wide grin. “So things went well, I’m guessing?” I asked

“ _Really_ well. I have a really good feeling that this treatment is going to work for him. He seems so motivated too.”

“What exactly is this treatment?”

Armin chewed his lip for a moment, “Okay, it’s going to sound crazy, but it’s a legitimate form of treatment that’s been used to help severe cases of psychological trauma. I’ve decided to use hypnosis to help his mind readjust to the way it used to be.”

I looked at him skeptically. Hypnosis? I thought that kind of stuff was completely bunk. “So you’re controlling his mind in order to change it?”

He shook his head and sighed, “It’s not like the stuff that street performers claim to do. This is real hypnotherapy. I can’t control anything his mind does. Right now I’m using suggestion therapy to help him to realize that people’s sight can’t and shouldn’t hurt him. Helping him create a safe place in his mind so he can let go. The hard part will come later, when I start analyzing. When he’s relaxed and in trance, I can try to uncover some memories that he’s stowed away. For right now, though, I’m focusing on curing him.”

I smiled at that, “Wow, so it’s working?”

Armin nodded excitedly, “It was incredible, Eren. I was able to look at him the entire time he was under and there was no effect! Even when he woke it took him a few moments before his brain reverted. With practice, this could be it. This could be his way out of this place.”

I was so overjoyed I didn’t know how to react. I grabbed Armin by the sides of his head and pulled him towards me in an awkward hug. “God, Armin. Thank you so much. Thank you _so_ _much_.” I mumbled. He pat me on the back and laughed.

When we parted he dug in his pocket and pulled out his notepad. He looked at me, suddenly solemn, tapping the notepad to his thigh. “He wrote you another note. I’ve already read it, and I was considering not giving it to you…”

I looked at him, hurt and slightly angry. He went on to explain, “I know how compulsive you tend to be… All I will say is to think about what he’s asking of you. Think of the repercussions, okay?”

I nodded slowly, eyes set on that notepad. With a reluctant sigh, he handed it over. I greedily snatched it and flipped through the pages until I saw the curving, elegant lines of Levi’s handwriting:

[ ](http://imgur.com/bJKqocY)

_Meet me in the showers at 10p.m._

_-Levi_

Oh… _Oh…_

My body pulsed with excited adrenaline. Now Armin’s apprehension made sense, because there was no way I was turning Levi down. No way in hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wooooooo!  
> So yeah, your guys' comments are what keep me going, honestly. I love every single one of them and every single one of you~  
> And totally feel free to hit me up on [tumblr :P](http://nelleri.tumblr.com/)


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> REUNITED AND IT FEEEEELS SO GOOOOOD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really this chapter is just smut :l oops

I was assisting Marco in changing the lines of a comatose patient when the clock read 9:55 pm. I bit my lip so hard in anticipation that it nearly bled. Marco was a nice enough guy, I was sure he’d be fine with me dipping out for a bit.

“Hey Marco, there’s something I just remembered I have to go take care of. Think you can handle this on your own?”

He smiled as he answered, “Sure thing! Everything okay?”

“Oh yeah, everything is fine. I should be back in less than an hour.” I smiled back at him.

Thank god I was paired with Marco for the night instead of someone like Jean, he would have never let me just walk out on our work. It was the hospital’s policy to pair off the new residents after rounds. I guess they hoped it would keep newbie fuck-ups to a minimum with two sets of inexperienced eyes instead of just one.

I thanked Marco profusely as I slipped out of the room and began heading towards Psychiatrics for the second time that night. I paused outside the door when I realized Petra was probably behind the front desk… _Shit._

I peeked through the window on one of the large doors and sure enough, there she was. She was sitting behind the desk rifling through a stack of papers as usual. I wanted to slam my head into the wall out of frustration. How was I supposed to get by her? Why hadn’t Levi thought of this?

I continued to watch her while I tried to think of a plan. Suddenly, her head snapped up and she seemed to be talking to someone I couldn’t see from where I was. She looked slightly worried as her lips moved. Eventually, the person she was talking to stepped into view, it was a male nurse. His hands waving and moving as he seemed to be trying to stress something to her. Petra rolled her eyes and stood before following the nurse down the hall towards patients’ rooms.

My eyes widened when I watched her leave, had Levi done something to ensure I could get pass the front desk? It wasn’t the time to think about it, I didn’t know how long she’d be gone so I slipped through the doors and quietly jogged in the direction of the bathrooms. To avoid Petra I’d have to go the long way around, but I wasn’t about to complain.

Finally I reached my destination. I pushed the shower-room door open and shut it quietly behind me. The lights were off, but moonlight was shining down from the high, thin windows; washing the room in a deep blue.

At the far end, I could hear a shower running. My heartbeat increased tenfold as I took tentative steps towards the furthest stall. It was him in there, had to be. We were in the same room and within moments he’d be right in front of me. All for me.

My muscles ached with the burning excitement that forced me forward until I was standing in front of the thin white curtain separating me and the occupant of the only running shower in the room. I could see the silhouette of him, just a vague shadow and I couldn’t hold back anymore.

I ripped the curtain open, and there he was. That delicious body, the full expanse of him, drenched and shimmering under the moonlight. His hair, slicked back so I could see his entire face. His brows furrowed with the sensation my gaze caused him, but he held control, letting a devilish smirk play at his lips, small puffs of breath escaping from between them. He had been waiting for me.

“Ahh… Eren…” he groaned, letting his head tilt while he stared back at me. No longer able to control myself, I surged forward. My arms wrapped tight around him while I slammed him against the tiled wall. My lips and hands were everywhere, trying so desperately to taste and touch every part of him at once.

“Levi… God, Levi… I need you… so badly.” I moaned between sucks and bites and kisses.

His hands slipped up into my dampening hair and he violently pulled me backwards. “Damn it, brat… Take your fucking clothes off first!” he snarled.

With my cheeks flaming with embarrassment, I sulked out of the shower stall to remove my half-wet clothing. I laid them out on the bench in the hopes they’d be fully dry before I left. When I turned back to look at him, he was leaning against the shower wall, stroking gently at his stiffening member. As I watched, in awe, he let out a quiet moan, his legs spreading further while thin fingers reached up to play at a nipple. Silver rivulets of water trickled down his thin chest and in mesmerizing lines down his thighs that were quaking with the effort it took to keep him standing.

“Levi…” I whispered as I approached him, stepping into the spray of the shower, “You’re so beautiful…” I saw his eyes widen in surprise right before I leaned down to capture his parted lips with mine. Slowly this time, I let my hands skim over his wet skin. Up his chest and over his shoulders to glide up and down his back.

I ducked my head lower to lick along his neck. The water tasted like him. I closed my mouth over the skin protecting his quickened pulse, sucking lightly as my hands trailed down his back to tease between his cheeks. He moaned and I could feel the vibration against my lips, the sensation driving me to push my hips forward in search of friction.

Due to my height, my arousal was met with his lower stomach, sliding wetly over his abdomen. In turn I felt him press his member against my thigh, groaning as his hips stuttered at the touch. His fingers gripped at my biceps while I ran my fingers between his cheeks to circle around his hole. He panted hotly and pleaded, “Ah… Eren… Please…”

I slipped one wet finger inside him, groaning along with him while I pushed it as deep as I could, pressing his body firmly against mine in the process. “M-more…” he whimpered, his hands clutching at me desperately. I added another finger and he let his head hang down, his forehead connecting with my chest. I could feel his harsh exhales against my skin as my fingers explored his insides.

I pressed my fingers forward and dragged them down his inner wall until they skimmed over a fleshy bump. “ _Fuck!”_ He moaned loudly and his knees buckled. I had to support him with my other arm to prevent him from crumpling to the ground.

He dazedly looked up at me; his face was a beautiful mess. “Eren… _more…_ ” he whined. My mind was fogged with a long-accumulated lust; I lifted him up easily and tapped his legs so he’d wrap them around my midsection. My cock slipped between his cheeks while we adjusted and I let out a huff of breath from the feel.

I pushed him against the wall and crashed my mouth into his again. Our lips and tongues, mindlessly slipping over each other. His hips rotated and pushed down tauntingly, that amazing ass of his just barely relieving the ache I felt below. I broke the kiss in order to pant into the crook of his neck while I lined myself up. I couldn’t tell if the wetness around my mouth was saliva or water. Probably both.

Before I pushed in, I looked up to him, “Levi, I missed you so much…” I could feel his entrance quivering against the head of my cock while I locked eyes with him. He let out a shaky sigh, bringing his hands up from my shoulders to cup my face. “I missed you too… Now, fuck me…”

Not missing a beat, I pushed my hips upwards while pulling his hips down, slowly, until he was fully seated, squirming against the tile wall while he tried not to let his voice out. I grabbed him from under his cheeks to hold him higher while I began pumping up into him.

He was so fucking warm and so fucking tight, so god damn good… I finally managed to hit his prostate and he couldn’t hold back his moans anymore. He let out a deliciously wrecked cry that drove me into a frenzy. With eyes raking over that glorious, shining wet body, I slammed up into him. The wet slapping of our skin, along with his desperate cries, practically echoing off the tile walls around us.

“Fuck, Levi… You look so good like this…” I panted. He only moaned deliriously in response.

I was sucking at his collar bone when I heard the door at far end of the shower-room open. I froze, eyes wide and scared. Time seemed to slow to an almost stop as I strained my ears to hear if there were any footsteps coming our direction. “Levi?” a gruff voice called out. I heard Levi sigh before he responded, “For fuck’s sake, can’t a guy jack off in peace?”

The person who’d interrupted us made a strange sort of coughing sound, “Ah... ah okay just uh—just making sure everything is alright.” The door clanged shut as the intruder left. My heart was slamming against my rib cage; we’d almost gotten caught…

Levi wiggled his hips and violently ripped me from my worries as his walls moved and pulled against my cock. “Come on…” he whispered, “I was so close…” I craned my head down so I could lick a trail up his chest and back to his neck, getting his addicting taste back in my mouth as my hips started to move again.

I quickly found my rapid pace again, the scare from moments ago forgotten as I lost myself in the feel of his body. He reached down to wrap his hand around his own member, his head thrown back against the wall while he started pumping himself in time with my thrusts. The watery, squishing sound adding to the myriad of lewd noises we made.

“Ah! Eren… R-right there… Fuck… _Fuck!_ ” His voice cracked as pleasure broke him. I watched in fascination as his slick head popped in and out of the tight ring of his hand. His body convulsed once and then went entirely stiff, his walls clamping incredibly tight around me as long, white streams of cum shot up between us, landing on both our chests.

His walls were pulsing around me as I slammed up into him two more times before unloading inside him. He let out a whimpering moan while I rode out my orgasm into his sensitive body. I stood, still holding him up while we both panted tiredly in the aftermath.

Eventually, I pulled my hips back and slipped out of him with a sticky wet pop that made his body shiver. His feet were back on the floor and his arms were thrown around my neck, so I let mine hang around his waist. He was peppering light kisses across my neck when I reached my hand lower, between his crack to finger at the thick substance spilling from between them.

 _Mine_.

“What the hell are you doing?” he questioned, ceasing the attention he was giving my skin.

I hung my head to let my forehead rest on his shoulder, “N-nothing… Just… feeling you.”

He grunted, “Well it’s disgusting.” He pushed my hand away and leaned pas me to pump a few squirts of soap from the dispenser into his hand. He rubbed his hands together, working the soap into a frothy lather before pressing his hands to my chest.

I smiled faintly and let my eyes close while he worked the soap over my skin, washing away his essence with gentle caresses of his hands. The scent of the soap filled my nostrils and I relaxed into his touch. It felt so right to be there with him, to have his hands on me and his body so close.

I felt his hands leave me and I blinked my eyes open in time to see him quickly step behind me. “You can wash your own prick.” he murmured over the spray of the shower.

 We remained in silence while I finished washing myself, and I could hear the splashing of water behind me from him cleaning his own body. I wanted so badly to turn around and watch as his soapy hands trailed over his drenched skin. More than anything I just wanted to be able to _look_ at him.

Being away from him for two weeks had furthered my desires for any form of normalcy with him. Not that I hadn’t appreciated the sex we’d just had, it’s just that something was missing. To be able to look into his eyes after we reach our apex; to be able to see his fucked out body, still panting and covered in sweat.

Even though we were so close in that moment, it felt like we were leagues away. Standing back to back, not looking at each other. I felt a harsh pang in my chest with the thought, but the arms wrapping around me quelled the anxiety before it could get worse.

I breathed out a satisfied sigh as I felt his small body press against me, so tightly that not even a trickle of water could fit between us. “Thanks… For coming.” he muttered, and I could almost see the shy embarrassment that was likely on his face as he said it.

I smiled and turned around in his tight grasp to wrap my arms around him. “Of course, Levi.” I kissed the top of his head, and then ran my fingers through the saturated locks of his hair. I was more than content to stay like that for the rest of the night; surrounded by the warm steam of the shower and the two of us engulfed in each other’s presence.

However, he shortly wrenched away from me and shut off the water. “Come on,” he said. “I can’t stay in here much longer or they’ll get suspicious.”

I nodded solemnly as we stepped toward the bench that held our clothing. “I’ve only got one towel, you can use it after me.” he explained.

As he was toweling off, I was struck with realization. “How am I supposed to get passed the front desk? I got lucky on my way in and Petra had to leave her post for some reason.”

He scoffed noisily, “Lucky, huh?” He tossed the towel at my face before he began to dress. “Unlike you,” he continued, “I actually think ahead and _plan_. Don’t worry about Petra. Just go back the way you came, I’ll make sure she’s not there.”

I ran the damp towel over my skin and crinkled my brow in thought. “How’d you do it?” I asked.

“I may have opened a few patients’ doors on my way to the showers.” I could hear the smirk in his voice. “And I think I want to have a word with Petra about my prescription before I go to bed. Personally.”

“Just… don’t get in trouble…” I said cautiously.

He made an affirmative noise, right as I began dressing. My hair was still damp, but I figured I could make it to the bathrooms once I made it out of Psychiatrics and dry it under the hand dryer. When I was fully dressed, I took a slow breath and felt my heart hang low in my chest. Who knew when the next time we’d see each other?

Before I could further drown in my depressing thoughts, Levi stepped in front of me and I instinctively averted my eyes. His hands slid up my chest and up my neck to cup my face. His hands urged my face downward to press his lips to mine. The kiss was slow and languid, communicating the dread that came with our impending parting.

I gripped him tightly and he grunted in annoyance. Breaking our kiss, he said, “I have to go, brat. That guy that came in here earlier, Auruo, he’s going to be checking my room soon to make sure I went back. He’s irritatingly attentive.” he said, sounding annoyed. I let him go reluctantly and he continued, “Wait a few minutes before you leave.”

I shut my eyes to the sound of his footsteps, receding towards the exit. With each _pat_ of the soft hospital slippers my chest tightened all the more. It felt as though a part of me was walking out that door with him.

When the door clicked shut I plopped down onto the bench, feeling completely lost. I tilted my head back to rest on the tile wall behind me. No, things were well on their way to getting better. I reminded myself of how excited Armin was to tell me how well Levi took to the treatment.

Yes. Things were improving. _That’s_ what I needed to focus on. Not the distance between us now, but how things could possibly be in the future. I still wasn’t sure if Levi wanted to continue what we had going on after he was released, but I wasn’t going to dwell on it. I figured I would find out soon enough. And until I could be at his side freely; I’d take solace in the fact that he missed me.

 I slipped my hand into my pocket and smiled as I clutched the folded piece of paper that I’d carried with me for the past week, the first note he’d written me.

 That's right… He _missed me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo pretty much I love you guyss and all of your lovely comments, no matter how short or long I read them all and just... thank you TuT Also, if you've commented and you follow me on [tumblr](http://nelleri.tumblr.com/), (if you wouldn't mind) sending me an ask with your username on here? I would love to know you guys better ^_^


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi takes a step towards recovery

~Levi’s POV~

Two more sessions with Armin gone by. Another week without seeing that ocean-eyed brat that haunted my dreams. Another seven nights spent alone with my right hand as comfort. At least our most previous rendezvous had provided me with plenty to think about on those lonesome nights.

On an even more positive note, thanks to Armin I could finally control myself under someone’s stare. In our last two sessions, he worked with me on how to create that calmness I needed. He explained to me that my brain was constantly wound up and on alert, and that when I was under hypnosis it was finally allowed to relax.

He first taught me how to achieve “self-hypnosis,” in which I reached that half-sleep state on my own, without his assistance. Then he helped me in transferring that mental relaxation into my idle state. With this, I was able to sit there with Armin looking at me, and meet his stare with no effect so long as I remained calm. It took a lot of concentration at first, but he assured me that it would become second-nature to me soon enough with practice.

My homework was to attend the infamous game night in the Psych Ward; a gathering of the mentally unstable under the watchful eye of nurses. Sounds like a grand time, right? I’d never attended game night, and not just because of my damned condition.

Nevertheless, when a knock came at my door at dinner time, instead of sitting curled under my blanket while they left the tray on the floor, I stood and waited for them to open the door. The bright light from the hallway fell through the crack as they eased the tray inside.

I took a deep breath and searched for that calming sensation I’d become familiar with the past several days. Steeling myself for their reaction, I grabbed the door right before it closed and yanked it open. Auruo stood there, still half-crouched and staring up at me in shock.

I felt a small prickling sensation, between my ribs. Almost pain, but not quite. It was far duller, and it almost tickled. I continued to breathe deeply through my nose, and stared down at him.

He clumsily stood and whipped his head to the side. “Ah! Levi, I’m sorry for looking at you! Enjoy your dinner!” he choked out as he shielded his eyes with one hand and stumbled backwards towards his cart of dinner plates.

Honestly, this guy had the grace of a crippled elephant. I sighed before grabbing the hand he held over his eyes and wrenching it away. “Oi, I… I want to go to game night tonight.” Just saying the words made my skin crawl.

Auruo’s eyelids cautiously slid apart before he fixed me with a stupidly questioning stare. “You… You’re okay?”

I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms. I knew I’d been a bit of a nightmare-patient, but seriously did I need to write it out for him? “Yeah. I’m fuckin’ dandy. Now will you do me the favor of opening my door after dinner so I can join the rest of the assholes in the Commons room?”

My question was punctuated by the slamming of my door. I was never very good at dealing with people…

I slumped down against the door to sit on the cold floor. I eyed the tray of hospital food with disdain. That was another thing I had to look forward to once I got out of this shit-hole: _real food._ That one night that Petra had signed me out for a day, I was treated to crappy fast food thanks to Hanji. To have a home cooked meal again, that in itself renewed my determination in surviving game night.

Armin told me that this would be my big reveal. If I could get through the entirety of the night, and keep myself in control, it would serve as my first _huge_ step in getting released.

By the time I finished forcing down the pathetic excuse of a meal I’d been given, I could hear shuffling and talking out in the hall. I stood, anticipating my door opening, hoping Auruo hadn’t forgotten. Finally, the handle jiggled and his ugly mug forced its way through the crack.

“You still sure about this, Levi?” he asked quietly. I supposed he was giving me a chance to back out, but there was no going back at this point.

I simply grabbed the handle on my side and pulled the door wide open. A few patients that were passing by on their way to the Commons room stopped to give me a quick once over, but then continued on their way. It was just a brief moment of eye contact with them, but I felt a quick rush of tingling run through my body.

I shook it off and took a huge breath before stepping into the blinding hallway. I stood there for a moment, my senses reeling. There were groups of twos or threes, some people shuffling along by themselves. I was surrounded by people, people who could see me. For the first time in years, I was in a _crowd._

It was hot, way too hot. The air seemed thick in my lungs as I let my eyes scan over the bodies moving past me. So many bodies…

The corners of my vision began to blur. My heartbeat became frantic and I felt increasingly lightheaded as I struggled to fill my lungs.

My stomach lurched and I was suddenly overcome by nausea. This was a bad idea, such a fucking bad idea. I felt my balance shift forward, then back, as if I were on a raft adrift on a sea of harsh currents. I considered fleeing back into the safety of my room but I couldn’t move. I stood there, rooted to the spot while anxiety gripped my entire being.

Someone bumped me slightly with their shoulder and I stumbled backwards into my closed door. I was hyperventilating, and covered in cold sweat. I lifted my fingers to my face, trying to give myself something to focus on. They were trembling and slick with perspiration.

“Levi? You alright?” The voice sounded hollow, and I wasn’t sure if I had just imagined it or not.

I looked up to see Auruo staring at me in concern, his brow heavy with wrinkles. That tingling in my ribs increased to a dull ache, like a tremendous pressure was slowly beginning to crush my midsection. I was losing it…

“Levi!” A high pitch voice echoed through my cranium. I turned in time to see Armin trying to elbow his way past a group of patients. His eyes were wide when he finally reached me. “Levi I’m so sorry, I got held over in class, I got here as soon as I could.”

“A-Armin?” I muttered, still swaying from the sensory overload. He gripped my clammy hands in his own. They were warm, and it reminded me of Eren. I let my eyes close as Armin began to speak to me in his familiar hushed tone.

“You’re safe, Levi. Think of your guardian, picture him in your mind. _Breathe._ You are _safe._ ”

I had, long ago, told Armin who exactly my guardian was, so he was unsurprised as a soft whisper of “Eren.” left my lips.

“That’s right,” He encouraged me, “Think of Eren. Once you’re out of here, he’ll be waiting for you.” Calm washed over me and through me, as though a tranquilizing force erupted in my core and was now thrumming through my veins. My lungs filled with refreshing cool air as I breathed deeply.

_Okay. I’m okay._

I repeated this in my mind until I felt steady enough to open my eyes again. Auruo was standing beside us, staring blatantly at me in wonder. His gaze then shifted slowly to Armin, who released my hands and held one out to the buffoon next to us.

“Hi! I’m Armin, a friend of Levi’s. I’ll be accompanying him to game night, if that’s alright?” he said with his too-sweet voice.

Auruo raised a skeptical brow as he glanced at Armin’s outstretched hand. He huffed a sigh and shook his hand, stiffly. “I don’t see the harm in it.” His gruff voice carried arrogance, as though he had any say in whether Armin could stay or not.

I rolled my eyes at his display before falling into the crowd that was still making its way towards the Commons room at the end of the hall. Armin was beside me and as much as it comforted me, I sincerely wished it could be Eren facing this with me.

We stepped into the Commons area and I found an empty table in the corner to sit. Armin sat next to me and I surveyed our surroundings. Orderlies leaned against the white walls, watching the patients with bored attention. Said patients ranged from all sorts of mental stability. Some sat together and chatted like old friends, perfectly normal; while a few sat alone and battled with their inner demons.

 I watched as one patient in particular sat hunched in her seat. Her head jerked from side to side as she peered from under her long hair at the people walking past, flashes of her tanned, freckled face occasionally showed through her mangy locks. Her fingers were tangled in their own hair and were wildly pulling and tugging. It seemed painful.

I averted my eyes from the uncomfortable view. Each table had different options for games; checkers, Monoploly, Candyland. To my surprise there was a chessboard at our table. I eyed the pieces with interest, I’d always enjoyed chess. I recalled all the times I had played against Erwin. I’d never been able to best him, the strategic bastard.

I reached out to pick up one of the pieces, about to set up the game, when my hand froze, hovering over a bishop. There were fucking _teeth marks on it._ I retracted my hand, hissing in disgust. I prayed silently that this night would work in my favor; I needed to get the hell out of there.

“Okay everyone! Settle down!” A familiar voice rang out above the chatter around me. Looking up I saw Petra’s cheery face at the doorway.

“Remember the rules! No touching, no shouting, and no throwing. Let’s all have a good Game Night before bedtime!” She squinted as she smiled and let her gaze sweep over the room. Her eyes reached mine and her smile vanished, squinted eyes turning to huge circles.

I saw her mouth move in what I assumed was a murmur of my name before she quickly cut across the room to sit in front of me. She continued to stare and I shifted uncomfortably. “Can I help you?” I asked.

“Levi… Levi what is going on!? Why are you—why… and _how_?” Her words tumbled from her mouth in a confused stream.

I nodded towards Armin, “This kid has been working with me. I’m kind of cured now, I guess.”

Petra pressed her hands to her face to cover her gaping mouth. “Oh my God…” I heard her muffled voice from between her fingers. Her stare bore into me, and I was surprised that it just annoyed me. Usually with Petra it was my spine that felt the damage, like my vertebrae had turned to lead and the tender cartilage between them screamed in agony. But that night as she gaped at me, no sensation was tied to it… I just wished she’d stop staring at me like I was some kind of freak-show.

I looked to Armin for help and he smiled with a small nod. He turned towards Petra and held his hand out, “Hello, I’m Armin. It’s nice to meet you.”

She sat stock still for a moment more before she shook her head slightly, finally breaking her gaze. “Oh I am _so_ sorry! I’ve just never been able to get a good look at you before, Levi…” She took Armin’s hand and shook it gently, her soft grin matching his. “And hello, Armin. I’m Petra, head nurse of Psychiatrics.”

The rest of the night was rather dull. The high point being when a skyscraper of a patient flipped over the table he was seated at and started shouting something along the lines of “They had to die.” He was quickly medicated and escorted back to his room.

Then there was the blond girl who was walking across the room and suddenly froze in her tracks. Like, seriously just froze and fell like a statue to the floor as though she’d suddenly become stone. A couple of orderlies lifted her and carried her out as if it was nothing new.

I continued staring off as Armin and Petra played a game of chess— _gross._

“So…” Armin’s voice filtered through my haze of disinterest. “As you can see, Levi is in full control of himself now. He’s spent the entire night surrounded by people and has remained calm. When do you think he’ll be released?”

I looked to Petra, who bit her lip as she stared down at her lap. “Well, before he can be discharged he needs to be evaluated by one of our specialists. They will decide whether or not Levi is cured.”

My heart sank to my gut. How many fucking hoops did I have to jump through? I’d been working my _ass_ off with this treatment, and it was obvious that I was better now. “However…” Petra continued cautiously, “I can sign you out for another 24 hours if you’d like that?” She offered me a shy smile as she said this.

I raised an eyebrow to show my interest and Armin answered for me. “That would be fantastic, Petra!”

Eren had been banned from Psychiatrics to keep him away from me, but who could say where he goes and who he sees outside of the hospital? Maybe for once we could spend some real time together. No Hanji and no experiments this time; no interruptions.

I had to fight back a smile to keep my air of indifference, lest they realize how ridiculously happy I was inside. “Can you do it tonight?” I asked, trying and most likely failing in keeping my tone level and bored. Petra shot me a knowing grin and nodded, “I sure can, and I’ll start the paperwork to get your examination for release underway.”

She bid us goodbyes before standing to go get the paperwork in order. When she was gone, Armin leaned towards me and whispered, “I’ll talk to Eren and have him pick you up when his shift is over.”

Butterflies. Fucking _butterflies._ God, I really was turning into a sap. I felt like I belonged in a damn romance novel with the way my stomach shifted and fluttered in excitement as I thought about Eren. I wondered if he’d be surprised when I show him that he can look at me freely without me losing my shit.

_Wait… What if he’s disappointed._

Our whole fling began when I couldn’t keep myself together that first night. I blushed as I thought about how I’d pretty much jumped him and begged him to fuck me. The overwhelming pleasure he brought me had me lose my cool in an instant. Maybe my condition is what kept him interested all this time…

A heat began to swell in my temples, slowly throbbing as a small sting started in with it. That was the feel of Armin’s gaze. My doubts were making me lose it again. I turned to face his stare with wide, pleading eyes. I couldn’t falter, not now.

Armin seemed to understand what I was silently asking for, because he took my hands and recited his calming words to me. I slid my eyes shut and forced the doubts away, taking calculated breaths as the calm took over.

For better or worse, I’d be finding out later tonight exactly how Eren felt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOOP. I know I say this with nearly each chapter, but thank you all for your comments and kudos and anonymous messages on tumblr. Any time I start to doubt my writing I look to you all for inspiration to keep going. So thank you, immensely.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren takes Levi home for the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ::Edit::  
> This chapter now has fanart!! [Thank you under-my-umbrivaille!! ](http://under-my-umbrivaille.tumblr.com/post/97209846622/turns-out-i-cant-draw-official-art-style-and-i)

~Eren’s POV~

 

The moment my shift ended, I bounded towards Psychiatrics. Armin had explained that he’d convinced Petra to sign Levi out for another 24 hours. And this time, he was all mine.

I clumsily burst through the double doors, only to see Levi already standing by the front desk. I made eye contact for a split second before I ripped my gaze away and to my feet. “Sorry! I wasn’t expecting you to be out here.”

I heard him scoff before his small shadow appeared on the floor in front of me. He stepped in closely, probably closer than what I’d prefer for Petra to see; who was standing at her desk watching. His finger tapped the underside of my chin, “Look at me, you shit.”

My brow furrowed as I tried to make sense of what he’d demanded. Where we were was definitely _not_ the place for that. Petra might have had an understanding of what kind of relationship Levi and I had developed, but I didn’t think she needed to know the secret as to how that relationship had _started._

“Look. At. Me” His words were clipped, but light.

Hesitantly, I raised my head and fixed him with my stare. And…

… _He smiled._

No crippling waves of pleasure seemed to take him over, no lightness of breath or moans…

Just his beautiful, delicate, smiling face looking back at me.

“Levi…” Was all I could form with my trembling lips.

“Hey, brat.”

And the thought of Petra watching us became the least important thing in the world as I grabbed the sides of his face and pressed him to me with a desperate kiss. For the first time, I left my eyes open as I breathed him in.

I could feel the stinging in my eyes as tears clouded the already blurred view of a too-close-Levi face. My chest constricted, or maybe my heart enlarged, I’m not sure… But the feeling made me breath out harshly as our lips disconnected.

I watched as he grimaced and muttered, “You need to brush your fucking teeth, jesus…”

An awkwardly loud laugh tumbled out of me as a tear finally became too heavy and dropped down my cheek. He smiled again at me, and I swear I could stare at him forever. Seeing him torn to pieces by pleasure was one thing, but his smile made my heart leap out of my chest.

I kept my hands on the sides of his face, letting my thumbs caress his cheeks. And I was _looking at him_. Really looking at him, and he was okay.

_My god he’s okay…_

“Uhm… I hate to interrupt…” Petra finally spoke up, “But you guys should probably get out of here before someone else sees you.”

I nodded, still staring at Levi. I knew my dad wouldn’t be an issue, he was rarely seen around here as he was either locked away in his office or at a conference in a different city.

We got to my car with no issues, and I fumbled with the keys to open the passenger door. It was really happening, I was going to have him all to myself, _in my own apartment,_ for the next 24 hours. In my attempt to be quick, the keys slipped from my grasp to clatter on the asphalt.

Levi clicked his tongue as he reached down to grab them. “You’re a mess.” He unlocked the door with deft hands before nonchalantly tossing the keys my way. I very nearly dropped them again, but managed to clutch them to my chest while he made himself comfortable in the passenger seat.

The door clanged shut and I forced myself to take a calming breath as I made my way to the driver’s side. I needed to calm down; otherwise I’d be sure to embarrass the hell out of myself all damn night.

I hadn’t had a chance to clean my car, so my empty Styrofoam cup and a wrapper from a bagel sandwich were at the floor of Levi’s feet. I watched him eye the small mess with disdain as he toed them away from himself.

My eyes widened as I realized what state my apartment was probably in. I’d never been much of a tidy person, and there was sure to be messes everywhere. He looked over to me with a raised brow, “Are we just going to sit in this parking lot all night?”

I gulped loudly before responding, “No, no sorry…” I turned the ignition and pulled out of the parking lot. Throughout the drive I kept stealing glances at him. It was like I had to make sure he was really still there, that I could still look at him freely.

One of the times I had glanced over at him, I saw his eyes go wide, “Red light, _red light._ ”

I turned back to the road just in time to slam on my breaks before the white line of the intersection. “Fucking _hell_ kid, think you could watch the damn road instead of me the rest of the way?” My face burned and I just wanted to disintegrate into my seat. The night was off to a great start...

“S-sorry…” I muttered.

When the light turned green and I stepped on the gas, I felt his hand slide over my thigh to rest above my knee. I smiled, embarrassment forgotten, as I covered his hand with my own for the remainder of the drive.

He told me about Armin’s treatment and how he’d gotten to the point he'd reached. He said he still had to concentrate sometimes to keep himself relaxed, but that in time it would become his natural state. Leave it to Armin to know exactly what to do; he’d always been really good at figuring out the best course of action. I’d have to take him out for lunch sometime to tell him how much I appreciated everything he’d done.

Before I knew it, the moment had come and we were standing in the doorway of my apartment. He was removing his shoes, mentioning that he was hungry, but I could hardly hear him over the thudding of my heart. I leaned over and held my breath as I flipped the lights on.

My eyes hurriedly scanned the living room in front of us. Food wrappers on the coffee table, dirty clothes hanging off the back of the couch, empty beer bottles lining the couch on the floor.

I quickly crossed the room to begin pulling all the trash from the coffee table into my arms. “I’m so sorry, I wasn’t expecting anyone. I would have cleaned…”

There was movement to my side, and I turned to see Levi gathering the bottles of beer from the floor. Mortified, I said “No no no! You don’t have to-”

The glare he shot me made the words freeze in my throat. “You’re nearly as bad as that shitty four-eyes…” he muttered, and went back to grabbing bottles. I decided not to press the issue, and instead showed him the way to the kitchen trash can.

The kitchen was in far better shape, seeing as I rarely cooked anything. If my sister were there, she’d probably berate me for my poor diet choices. It was just too easy to stop at a donut shop or a drive through.

After we’d thrown away our armfuls of trash he surveyed the kitchen. He gave a small nod of approval and then turned to me. “You have any more of those beers?”

 

 

I sat on the counter, sipping at my own beer while watching Levi as he pretty much raided my kitchen. I’d never had the hospital food myself, but according to him, it was atrocious. He managed to find a vacuum sealed fish in my freezer, and various other ingredients.

I’d offered to help but he just slapped me on the thigh and told me to get my “dirty ass off the counter.” I leaned against the wall instead and watched as he buzzed around the kitchen. His hands flew across my pitiful spice rack like he was a culinary mastermind, pausing occasionally to bring his beer to his lips. Every time he took a sip his eyes would close in euphoria. I could only imagine how long it’d been since he’d had a drink.

The smell of his cooking filled my nostrils, and it was very… _fragrant_ , to say the least. The smell of the fish had been overcome by the spices he added to the dish. I wasn’t sure yet if I liked the aroma or not, but I was determined to eat whatever he procured no matter what. He seemed to look like he knew what he was doing, so I assured myself it would be great.

However, while we were seated at my barely-used kitchen table, and I took my first bite; I had to fight the puckered look of disgust as the over-cooked, over-salted fish hit my tongue. I felt my salivary glands tingling as they forced more saliva into my mouth at the sour-sweet flavor. It was _bad._

I managed to swallow with a straight face before looking up to see how Levi was doing. He was staring down at his plate and chewing slowly. His brow furrowed as he swallowed. There was a moment of silence before he finally said it: “This tastes like _shit._ ”

I managed to catch the laugh that tried to bubble up out of my throat as he pushed his plate away with a low groan. He slumped over and put his forehead on the table in utter defeat.

_Adorable._

I chuckled and stood to go press a kiss to the back of his head. “I’ll make us something, don’t worry about it.” I whispered.

While I cooked, he stayed at the table, his head still down. By the time I had finished and set a bowl and glass of water in front of him, it seemed he hadn't moved the entire time. He finally lifted his head to see what I’d brought him when I sat down next to him with my own bowl.

He stared at the bowl for a moment, “…SpaghettiOs?” His eyes flicked up to me, accusingly; and I couldn't help but laugh at his are-you-shitting-me face.

“Bon appétit!” 

We ate silently for a few moments before I spoke up, “So… When will you be released, seeing as you’re all better now?”

He leaned back in his chair and sighed, “Petra says I need to get checked by one of their specialists before I get the ‘O.K.’ Should be soon, though.”

I bit my lip as I watched him go back to spooning the food into his mouth. Now was as good a time as any… “Where—uhm… Where will you go when you’re released?”

His spoon halted halfway to his mouth and his eyes blinked slowly twice before he tilted his head to look at me. I couldn’t read his expression and it made me nervous.

He set his spoon down and gently pushed the bowl away as he looked down, “Haven't thought about it.” But there was something in the way he said that… Something that led me to believe that he _had_ thought about it, a lot.

I tried to casually scoot my chair closer to his, but the loud screech on the linoleum broke the effect. I grimaced at the sound, but leaned in towards him anyway. He eyed me out of his peripheral and I brought a hand up to set on his thigh. My heart was going a mile a minute and a thousand voices were screaming in my head that this was a bad idea, but still the words left my mouth.

“I’m sure Hanji would let you stay with them, but you’re welcome to stay with me. I’d actually—I’d actually really like that.”

He stayed silent for a moment, seeming to consider what I said. “You hardly know me”

“But, I’d like to… I want to know you, Levi.” My throat felt like it was closing up from anxiety. He turned his head to stare at me more directly. His face was blank.

“Why?”

I was taken aback, not really sure how to answer as I hadn’t figured out exactly _what_ it was about him that made me want him in my life so badly. I stared down at my hand on his thigh as I attempted to answer.

“I’m not really sure…” I said slowly, “I just want to be with you. You kind of drive me crazy, but… in a good way. I can never stop thinking about you, and it isn’t just the… sex. I want to try and have something normal with you, like going on dates and stuff. I—I don’t know…” I finished lamely, face aflame with embarrassment.

“Eren…” Something in his tone made me look up. His eyes were half-lidded and glossy, and he had a faint, affectionate smile on his lips. He turned more fully towards me and cupped my chin in his hand, bringing my head forward for a soft kiss. “You really don’t know what you’re getting into. You really want to date someone with the issues I have?”

I stared at him pleadingly, “But you’re better!”

He shook his head with a sad smile, “No… I’m still fucked up. I still have nightmares. I still wake up sometimes scratching at my own skin until it bleeds. Right now, I can’t even think about going to an outdoor place. I’ll always have the fear that those people will find me again.”

I leaned closer to him, almost off of my own chair. One hand clutching his thigh, and the other went up to hold the nape of his neck. “Levi, I can be there for you, for all of that! I’ve wanted, so badly, to be able to help you with your therapy. I _want_ to help you.”

For a moment I thought I was being too forward, but then a secretive smile took over his face. “You’ve been a bigger part of my therapy than you think.” he said quietly. His eyes locked with mine, and in that moment he looked so serene it took my breath away. “I suppose there’s no helping it… Stubborn brat…”

I gasped and my fingers tightened into his pants, “So...?”

He sighed in feigned annoyance, “So I _suppose_ you can look forward to a new, mentally disturbed roommate in your future.”

Relief and overwhelming giddiness washed over me and I quickly wrapped my arms around him before he could think to change his mind, pulling him into an awkward position on my lap.

“Oi!” he shouted, “Mind if I finish my dinner before you get all handsy?”

I covered his face with kisses between my laughs, all the while ignoring his hands pushing at my chest. Finally, I set him back down on his seat and he roughly wiped at his face. He was frowning, but his eyes were sparkling with amusement.

“You’d better take me on one _hell_ of a date one of these days.”

“Of course!” I responded, smiling widely.

We finished our meal and proceeded to clean up the mess we’d both made of the kitchen. With that taken care of I showed him the way to the bathroom so he could shower. While I waited for him, I changed into pajamas, trying my best to calm my racing heart.

My cheeks were beginning to ache from the smile I seemed unable to get rid of. All my hopes for us seemed to have an actual chance. And there I was, lying in my bed, waiting for him to join me. It had been a long time since I’d felt so happy and optimistic about anything.

Eventually, the bedroom door creaked open and I looked to see him walking towards the bed, hair dripping and his towel hanging from his hips. His chest was still glistening and I was thankful for the fact that I didn’t have to look away.

As though he’d read my mind, he cleared his throat noisily before saying, “Just because you can look at me, doesn’t mean you can flat out _stare._ Have some tact, would you?”

I bit my lip and raised my gaze to look at his face, smiling a sheepish apology. He sighed in resignation and continued, “You have some clothes for me to wear?”

Oops… I guess the thought had slipped my mind, that or I was just hoping he’d crawl into bed in the nude. “Yeah, gimme a sec. I’ll try and find something to fit you.”

I gave him a plain black t-shirt and a pair of boxers, pretty much the same thing I was wearing. They were a little big on him but they’d have to do. We both crawled into bed and I flipped the switch on lamp on my nightstand. I felt his weight shifting around until he was sidled up right next to me.

With the same smile I’d had almost all night, I flung my arm around him so he could use my shoulder as a pillow. We fit together perfectly, and he seemed to agree if his contented sigh was anything to go by. I reached over with my other hand to stroke at his soft hair, still damp from the shower.

“When I move in here, you’d better have a better selection of foods…”

I chuckled and agreed, “Yeah, I know. I was just thinking earlier that my sister would probably kick my ass if she knew how I’ve been eating.”

He nestled into my shoulder a little more before asking, “Sister?”

I nodded, but then realized he probably couldn’t see me. “Yeah. I have an adopted sister: Mikasa. She’s in the military, stationed in Germany right now. She was always really protective of me. Especially after mom died when we were young, I guess she felt like she had to fill her shoes or something.”

I expected some kind of condolence about the death of my mother; it’s usually what people say when they find out. But he surprised me with his response, “I’d like to meet your sister some day. She sounds like a good person.”

For some reason that made me grin even more. He was really going to be a part of my life once he was released. Someone my family would get to know and accept as a person very significant to me. That’s when the thought struck me. “Oh man… I wonder what my dad’s going to think…”

He grunted in annoyance, “Who the hell cares?”

I chewed the inside of my cheek for a second before trying to explain, “I know you probably see him as a huge asshole, but he is still my dad. I think—I think he was honestly just trying to do what was best for me when he took you from me. I don’t like what he did, but I understand why he did it. And I forgive him for it, he and Mikasa are the only family I have…”

I felt his sigh against the skin of my neck, “Hmm. I guess I don’t really know what that’s like, having someone to look after you like that.”

I made a questioning noise and he explained further, “I never knew any family. I was raised in foster care, where you pretty much had to look out for yourself. Other kids can be assholes. Got out as soon as I could and tried my best at making my own life. I met Hanji somewhere along the way, and they helped me to make some sort of ‘life plan.’ It was their idea for me to go to law school, they said I was really good at arguing and being blunt.”

My chest warmed at how open he was being with me. I loved learning about him, and his past. I wanted to know as much about him as possible, and with each bit of information I gleaned, I felt myself falling harder.

I turned on my side and scooted down until I was facing him, raising a hand to rest on the side of his head. His face was illuminated by the streetlight outside my bedroom window, and as his eyes flicked up to look at me I felt a numbing bolt of thrill run through my limbs. He was here, and he was most definitely mine.

I smiled as I took in his features, never wanting to look away from his strikingly beautiful face. He furrowed his brow, seemingly becoming uncomfortable with my blatant staring. I leaned in and let my lips run over his, keeping my eyes open all the while, watching as his lids drooped.

It felt right, now. Those words that have been weighing on my tongue for so long, that have grown heavier with each passing day… Finally, the weight was too much to shoulder and they came cascading out of my mouth, my lips still faintly touching his as they formed the syllables I’d been longing to share with him.

“I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy, Eren used the "L" word XD 
> 
> So yes, I think that the end of this fic is approaching, maybe... Not the next chapter, but maybe a few after...
> 
> Also, if you'd like, hit me up on tumblr! I'm a lonely sack of crap and human interaction makes my day. (As well as comments and kudos--I'm needy, I know).
> 
> Love you all~ ❤


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren dropped the "L" word. How will Levi react?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :: Warning ::  
> This chapter hasn't been edited yet, so there'll probably be some derps. :S  
> I've been lucky enough to have a very lovely and gracious human being go over all my previous chapters as well, so once I get the corrected version of this chapter, I'll be updating all the old ones as well.
> 
> Anywhooooo Enjoy~

“I love you.”

The words seem to echo in the deafening silence that followed. My breath stilled as I watched his eyes go wide. When I said it, I felt so confident and so sure; but the thick tension that blanketed the room was all I could focus on as my pulse quickened.

_Fuck._

He looked scared, apprehensive, all the things you _don’t_ want to see in someone’s expression when you confess your feelings. It was too soon, I should have known… I managed to swallow the lump in my throat before I spoke.

“Levi?”

He leaned away from me, eyes darting around the dark room as he sat up. “I can’t…” was all he said.

“Hey,” I started, sitting up beside him “It’s okay. You don’t have to say it back.”

He brought his knees up and looped his arms around them, tucking his head down. “You don’t understand… The last person that said those words to me…” he trailed off.

I felt my gut dip when I realized it. That day at Hanji’s, several weeks ago when I woke up to hear Levi arguing with that man, Erwin.

_“You just… left me to those doctors, and fucking disappeared without a god damn word.”_

Did he think I was going to abandon him? The thought made my heart feel leaden in my chest. I couldn’t let him think that. I scooted towards him and put my arm over his shoulder, letting my fingers caress his arm.

“Levi, I won’t leave you. I mean it, I love you.” I did my best in keeping my voice hushed and soothing.

I felt him beginning to quiver under my arm. “I _know…_ ” he whispered, “Deep down I know… and that’s what fucking scares the shit out of me.”

I tightened my hold on him and tried to calm him, “Levi, there’s nothing to be scared about. I won’t hurt you; I never want to hurt you.”

Apparently, that wasn’t the right thing to say because he groaned lowly before turning violently away from me. He swung his legs to hang off the side of the bed and hunched in on himself. “Don’t look at me right now…” his voice wavered as though he were fighting back tears.

I didn’t know how to help him… I didn’t even know what was _wrong_. But I couldn’t let him deal with it on his own. I needed to show him that I was there for him. Sliding up behind him, I let my legs dangle on either side of his and wrapped my arms around his middle.

I felt along his arms and found his hands. His fingers were rigid; blunt nails digging into his forearms. He may have been trying to hurt himself, but the throbbing pain that shot through my chest had me exhaling harshly against the nape of his neck. “Levi…”

I pried his fingers away from his arms, quickly lacing them with my own fingers so he couldn’t do any more harm. The back of his neck felt cool against my forehead when I leaned into him. His body shook as a silent sob ripped through him.

“Shhh… You’re okay…”

He sniffed and shook in my arms when he responded, “I don’t deserve you.”

The world seemed to shift around me as those words ripped into me. This poor, beautiful man… he deserved so much _more_ than me; but he couldn’t even see that. He couldn’t see how perfect he really was, flaws and all.

I kissed the soft skin of his neck and closed my eyes against the tears that threatened to spill, tightening my hold around him. “Levi… please don’t think like that. You’ve been through so much in your lifetime, way more than any one person should ever suffer. And you’ve come out of it all, _so_ damn strong. And I think it’s beautiful, your strength and everything about you. You’re _beautiful_.”

His stomach muscles constricted under my arms as he fought back another sob. The only sound that escaped was a small, pained whimper.

“I’m filthy.” he said so quietly, I almost didn’t hear.

I shifted to the side and released one of his trembling hands to turn his head towards me. His eyes were puffy, and likely bloodshot. His cheeks were a mess of wet tears; his expression, so broken and vulnerable. My eyes trailed down to the light scar on his neck, the only visible evidence of what he’d survived through, just barely visible in the dim lighting.

“No…” was all I said before I pulled us together in a soft kiss. I brushed away the wetness on his face with my thumbs and continued to claim his lips. I pulled away for a brief moment, “Levi, you’re beautiful.”

He half-sighed, half-whimpered and tucked his head under my jaw. Wrapping my arms around him, I lifted him to lay him gently back down on the bed. I was hovering over him, about to move to lie next to him, when he flipped onto his back and clutched onto my shirt. He pulled me down until I was lying solidly against him, chest to chest.

I lifted up onto my elbows and looked down at him. His eyes were closed tightly and his brow crinkled with worry. “Kiss me…” he said quietly. Of course, I obliged, leaning down to softly press my lips to his. It was chaste for only a few seconds, before he traced my bottom lip with his tongue.

I cocked my head to the side and opened my mouth slightly. Instantly, his tongue invaded my mouth, desperately licking every inch he could. I felt his sigh leave his nostrils and hit my cheek. His tongue was moving so frantically, it was as if he were trying to prove to himself that I was real, that _we_ were real. We parted, briefly.

“I need you so badly right now…” he whispered, but I could still hear the vulnerability in the statement. I drove forward to connect our lips again. Below, his hips canted upwards against mine and I had to bite back a groan. I was half-hard from the movement of his tongue in my mouth, and he was very _prominently_ erect.

One of my hands trailed up, under his shirt to trace along the sides of his body, feeling the goose bumps forming on his cool skin at the touch. His legs had wrapped around my torso and he was grinding up into me more attentively, small moans leaving his mouth as we continued our languid kiss.

I leaned away for a moment to look at him. His lips were glistening with our combined saliva, and swollen from the intense kissing; his eyes looking at me so damn passionately and pleadingly. His anxiety was slipping away, melting into passion. He needed this, and I was struck with the sudden urge to taste him more, to _please_ him more.

I pulled his shirt off, then scooted back to settle between his legs. He attempted to sit up to follow, but I pressed a hand against his chest, pushing him back down on the mattress. I moved lower until my face was at crotch level. Looking up at him, I had to hold back a laugh at how confused he looked, up on his elbows and staring down at me.

I kept my eyes on him as I lowered down and started mouthing at his hardness through the boxers. “Oh _shit…”_ he moaned as he flopped back down on the bed. His knees bent and he started thrusting upwards against my mouth. I chuckled as I held his hips still long enough to slip off the boxers, which were already riding low considering they were a few sizes too big for him.

His hard cock curved lightly towards his stomach, smearing the droplets of pre-cum against his abdomen. I eyed the veins on his shaft, wanting to trace them with my tongue. Just as I was about to begin, a hand in my hair halted me. I looked up to see him looking back down at me, biting his lip.

“Eren… you don’t have to...” he muttered, even as his eyes were clouding with want.

I moved a hand to caress his inner thigh, trailing over to grip the base of his pulsing cock before stroking it all the way to the tip. His eyes fluttered shut and his mouth hung open as he sighed. “I want to.” I said with my mouth so close to his hardened flesh that I was sure he felt my breath on the sensitive skin.

I let my hands rest on his hip bones, thumbing over them encouragingly while I licked a hot trail up and down the underside of his cock. I could tell he wanted more by the small thrusts he made and the way his dick throbbed.

Applying more pressure to his hips, I licked lazy circles around the tip, letting his unique flavor spread on my tongue before I finally wrapped my lips around the head. I took him in as far as I could, and gripped the rest with my hand. I could hear him breathing heavily above me as his hand went lax in my hair.

My tongue made slow zigzagging patterns as I pulled back up until just the head was in my mouth. I sucked hard while my hand worked up a rhythm before I pulled back, letting him slip from my mouth with a wet _pop_.

“Holy shit…” he said breathily, “I should have asked you for this a long time ago…”

I smiled, pleased with how affected he sounded, before going back to work. I ran my lips and tongue from the base to the tip, spreading more saliva over him. Once I got him back in my mouth, I went at it with fervor. Sliding my lips up and down while sucking at all the right moments, letting my tongue apply pressure as my mouth moved.

I was drowning in the sound of his cock slipping wetly in and out of my mouth, accompanied by the increasing moans from him. His hand tightened in my hair, and I could tell he was close. I eased off of his hip, letting him thrust upwards, but using my hand on the base of his cock to keep him from gagging me.

While he continued to frantically fuck my face, I pressed the pad of my thumb of my free hand against his entrance. Just light pressure, not enough to penetrate, but he seemed to thoroughly enjoy the new stimuli.

“Oh fuck… I— _fuck—_ Eren I’m—ah!” he stammered.

I pulled back until the head was all that was in my mouth, sucking hard and rapidly flicking my tongue against his frenulum while my hand jacked him firmly and quickly; my thumb moving in quick circular motions over the sensitive skin around his hole.

“Ah _god!_ ” he groaned right before his cock pulsed hard in my hand, his hot seed filling my mouth in strong spurts. It had been a while, but I managed to swallow it down with little discomfort. As I pulled back, I made sure to lick at his slit to gather any leftover cum. His entire body shivered at the overstimulation.

I crawled back up to look at him face to face, a satisfied smirk playing on my lips. His entire body was relaxed and his eyes remained shut as he tried to catch his breath. “I don’t…” he said between breaths, “I don’t think I’ve ever been sucked like that…”

A huge grin broke out over my face as he finally cracked his eyes open to look at me. I was about to lean in to kiss him, when his hand snapped up to cover my lips. “Hold on, Romeo. My jizz was just in your mouth.”

My eyebrows lowered in a silent, “Are you serious?” He simply stared back at me, keeping my mouth covered. I sent him a mischievous squint before I opened my mouth to lick at his fingers. He quickly pulled his hand away to look at the wetness I’d left behind, before fixing me with his look of disgust.

“ _Really!?”_

I smiled playfully before pressing my lips to his. He growled but didn’t push me away, his only retaliation being how harshly he wiped his lips afterwards. I relaxed against him, and he must have felt my still-prominent erection because he shifted slightly before asking, “What about you?”

“It’s fine, it’ll go away.” Not that I didn’t _want_ to get off, but I wasn’t about to make him do anything he didn’t feel like doing.

He rocked his body to the side before rolling us over with a surprising amount of strength. Now under him, I looked up to see him smirking at me, and damn; how did I ever get by without being able to see that sinful look of his. “Let me help make it go away…”

He pushed my shirt up to my chin and set his mouth to work on one of my nipples. I sucked in a breath, fighting the urge to buck my hips. He pushed the shirt higher, and I took it as a signal to remove it completely. Once it was tossed aside, he sat on my lap and spread his fingers over my chest while he grinded his ass down into my crotch.

“Mmm…” I tried containing my moan, eyes fluttering shut.

I felt a flurry of kisses going down my neck to my chest, continuing down to the waistband of my boxers. His fingers hooked into them and shucked them down past my knees so I could kick them off. My hardened dick sprang free to lie rigidly against my stomach.

I watched as he leaned down, his heated stare focused on my face as his tongue lolled out to lap at the head of my cock. He started to kiss under the head, when I had a brilliant idea. I sat up to grab him from around his hips and turned his body so his ass was in front of my face, and his head still hovering over my crotch.

He turned to look at me over his shoulder with a raised brow. I merely smiled before spreading his cheeks and letting a finger run over his hole. I heard him sigh, before he returned his attention back to my cock. His lips slowly slid over the head of my dick, and I lightly palmed at one of his ass cheeks in gratitude, letting a low grown build at the back of my throat.

Using both hands to keep his cheeks spread, I licked a wet stripe from his balls up to circle around his hole. The moan that attempted to leave his mouth vibrated around my cock instead, sending pleasurable bolts through to my lower stomach.

When I finally breached his tight, puckered ring with my tongue, my cock popped out of his mouth so he could moan freely. He gripped my dick with one of his hands and started jacking me off while he pressed back into my face, trying to get my tongue as deep as possible.

Realizing he needed more, I tapped him on the thigh and leaned back so I could speak. “Levi, bedside drawer. There should be some lube.” He turned and stretched over to reach said drawer. After rummaging around for a bit, he tossed the bottle next to my head before leaning back over to kiss up and down my cock.

With his back arched the way it was, he was fully on display for me. I could see everything; his supple, white cheeks spread to reveal his entrance; his balls hanging snugly behind his cock, which appeared to be hardening rapidly, despite his recent orgasm.

I licked my lips at the site as I coated my fingers with lube. Silently, I thanked the fact that I’d never thrown it out considering how little use it got. With my dry hand, I caressed one of his ass cheeks before gripping it more commandingly. I felt him groan as he continued licking and sucking away at my cock.

I ran my finger across his hole, watching as it clenched at the wet sensation. When I finally slipped a single digit inside, he pushed back, trying to ride my finger. I felt around before I found his sweet spot, which was punctuated by the wrecked moan he let out while tonguing at the base of my dick.

By the time I had gotten to three fingers, he’d completely abandoned any attempt of sucking me off. His hand still gripped me tightly and would move over my cock occasionally, but mostly he had dissolved into the pleasure my fingers were giving him; moaning wantonly as he pressed his hips back onto my hand.

Eventually, he leaned forward, urging my fingers to leave him. He turned around clumsily and grabbed the bottle of lube that I’d tossed aside. I was about to ask what he was doing when he flipped the lid open and let a cool stream of lube drizzle over my cock.

_Oh fuck, he’s going to ride me._

After spreading the lube over my member with his hand, he positioned himself over me. I gazed up in appreciation; the dim light from my window creating stark shadows from his lean muscles. Truly, gorgeous.

He reached back and placed the tip of my dick at his entrance. Slowly, he lowered down until the head was inside, then he leaned back; putting his hands on my thighs for support as he continued his gradual decent. His head fell back as he moaned up at the ceiling. I let out my own groan of pleasure as his wet heat enveloped me.

When he was fully seated, his cock throbbed and a small dribble of pre-cum glistened at the tip. He sighed and his head rolled forward to look down at me.

“Holy fuck… I forgot how much better it is with lube…” he groaned.

I nodded my head in agreement, words failing me. I bit my lip as I reached a tentative hand out to finger at the pre-cum sitting at his slit. He let out a lewd whine and rolled his hips, making my breath catch as his warmth moved against me.

He lifted up slowly, until just the tip was inside him, before dropping back down. His cock bounced from the force and he let out an appreciative moan at being filled again. He continued this, building up a sure rhythm that had me panting and groaning beneath him. The site alone, of him riding me with such a shameless expression, had heat pooling in my gut; never mind the glorious sensations of his movements.

I trailed my hands up his thighs, which were beginning to tremor from the effort of keeping his tempo. He leaned over me, putting his hands on either side of my head and resting his forehead against mine. Staring down at me and breathing heavily, he slowly raised his hips once more and gave a teasing wiggle when he got to the tip.

Understanding what he was asking for, I moved my hands to grip his hips before slamming up into him, settling on a brutal pace as his head flew back, crying out in pleasure. The slapping sound of our skin connecting was more wet and sloppy thanks to the lubrication, and I loved it.

His head fell forward at one point and he fixed me with his lust-blown stare. His words were punctuated by the pounding he was receiving as he spoke, “ _Ah fuck!..._ Er-en… cum… with me _... now_ …” As he finished his sentence he let out a high pitch whine while below, I felt his walls beginning to constrict around me.

I had been on the verge for a while, and when he slammed himself down on one of my thrusts, the dam finally broke. I squeezed his hips tightly while I unloaded into him, craning my head back while my orgasm took over my body.

“Ah god… _yes!_ ” I heard him cry out, his hips gyrating against me, and I felt hot wetness streak across my chest. He slumped over to lay against me, both of us panting in unison. I reveled in the feeling of his insides pulsing around my sensitive member.

After he’d caught his breath, he rolled over and tried to stand, only to crumple down with an unseemly yelp. I burst out laughing and peeked over the side of the bed to see him hunched over on his knees.

“You alright there?” I asked, trying to bite back any further laughter.

He groaned before rolling his head back to glare at me, “It’s been a damn while since I’ve been on top, gimme a break…”

I watched with amusement as he awkwardly crawled on shaky legs towards the towel he’d used earlier from his shower. When he made it back to the bedside, being the gentleman I was, I hoisted him back onto the mattress by his arms.

He collapsed onto his back, and flung the towel in my direction. “Clean me.” he commanded, and who was I to refuse? I set to wiping his stomach, smiling at how fucked out he seemed.

I moved downwards, to clean between his thighs when my curiosity peaked. “So uhm… How was it? That was the first time we’ve done it without your condition interfering.”

He hummed contentedly before answering, “Better.”

I quirked a brow in surprise, “Really?”

He nodded, “Absolutely. I could really _feel_ you this time. It’s kind of hard to explain… but before it was too much; I felt pleasure everywhere you looked at me, almost like being on ecstasy. This time the pleasure was… tangible.”

I tried processing what he meant. It sort of made sense, but I supposed there was no way I could ever truly understand it without experiencing it myself. However, I let what he said reassure me about our relationship. Even without the spark of what had started our affair, we’d do just fine. Hell, we’d do great.

I finished wiping him clean before using the towel on myself and then tossing it to some random corner in the dark. Bending over him for a moment, I contemplated if I should try pressing my luck. Just as I was leaning in for a kiss, his hand snaked its way into my hair to roughly pull me back. “Fuck. No. You were eating my ass. No fucking way are your lips touching mine.”

I hadn’t expected any less. Chuckling I retreated, “Fine, fine!”

The sheets were pleasantly cool as I slid down to lie beside him. As soon as I was settled, he snuggled up beside me, taking his rightful place in the crook of my arm. I let my fingers thread through his silken hair and whispered, “I really love you, Levi.”

He didn’t answer. Instead, he slid his hand across my torso to rest over my heart. And it was okay… He didn’t need to say it back. I knew it was there, and I didn’t mind waiting; soon enough we’d have all the time in the world together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear, this fic is like 99% smut. What is wrong with me x_x Hope you still enjoyed it though.
> 
> Also [here's this if you want to yell at me anonymously or whatever :l ](http://nelleri.tumblr.com/)


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for Levi to return to the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an incredibly short chapter and I'm so sorry for that =s But! To make up for it, I should be updating again in the next few days. You may notice that I've finally put a cap on this fic, so the end is near o_o !!
> 
> I'd also like to let the world know that I have been blessed with a GLORIOUS beta reader: [OtakuTrash_of_England.](http://archiveofourown.org/users/OtakuTrash_of_England/pseuds/OtakuTrash_of_England) Sweet-one, you are an absolute angel and I can't thank you enough for all your hard work. [and to my readers, if you would like to follow him on tumblr you can do so right hurrrr](http://otakutrash-of-england.tumblr.com/)

~Levi’s POV~

In a state of half-sleep, I felt the edges of panic start to prick at me. The bed under me was softer than my normal bed, and even with closed eyes I could tell that it was far brighter than my usual room, and there was some tremendous weight on top of me. When I was finally conscious enough to open my eyelids, relief washed over me, and I remembered all that had transpired the night before.

I was in Eren’s apartment, in his soft bed, in his bright room, and _under his heavy ass body._ Apparently, while he was asleep, he had sprawled out on top of me. My bladder was full to bursting, so I managed to wiggle out from under his sleeping form without waking him.

I tiptoed to the restroom to relieve myself, dressing in the hospital clothes I had left on the counter the night before. I didn’t exactly enjoy putting on day old clothes, but I didn’t have much of a choice. When I came back, I had intended to wake him up to so we could get something to eat, but stopped in my tracks when I saw exactly how he’d fallen asleep.

The sheet was wrapped around him like he’d rolled around all night and wound it around his nude body with strips of skin showing here and there. One strip of skin in particular, though, caught my eye. His ass was completely on display and his legs spread.

Biting my lip with anticipation, I crept forward and gently sat on the bed beside his waist, eyeing that smooth, tanned butt. I trailed a hand over one of his plump cheeks and planted a soft kiss to the other. I heard a groggy moan from him, and smirked. I tightened my grip and gave an open mouth kiss to that soft skin, sucking hard enough to leave a mark.

“Mmmm…” he moaned, still half-asleep. His hips pressed forward in a slow hump to the mattress under him. I leaned back to admire the view before giving him a firm smack to that bouncy rump.

“Wah!” he yelped, clumsily flopping over and trying to scoot away from the source of pain. He sat up and rubbed at one of his eyes, trying to focus his vision on me. “Levi?”

I lifted an eyebrow and gave him a mischievous grin. “Morning, brat.” I said, flicking my gaze down to his half hard member. He followed my gaze and promptly pulled at the sheet to cover himself, cheeks glowing an adorable shade of red. Amazing how he could still be so modest after he’s seen me stripped to my core and open bare for him.

His eyes glanced over to the digital alarm clock on his nightstand which displayed in bright green, 3:17 P.M. We’d slept for about 7 hours. He yawned loudly and looked back over to me, eyeing the clothes I’d put on. “I guess I should get you back to the hospital, huh?”

The words made my heart sink, but he was right. After he was dressed he led the way to the front door. With one hand on the door knob, he turned around and slipped a hand up to cup my cheek. I looked up at him, and the way he was staring at me; with his eyes so relaxed but so full of emotion, and the faint smile at his lips, I was reminded of his heartfelt confession the night before, and my heart started hammering in my chest.

I had felt bad, not saying those words back to him. I knew I felt the same about him, if not more so. Even when I was with Erwin I’d never felt so happy with someone; so relaxed and cared for. There was something very significant, something _visceral_ between Eren and me. There was some subconscious connection between us that only proved to grow stronger with the more time we were together.

I often wondered why his gaze—out of all the people I’d been in contact with over the past couple years—was the only one that didn’t cause me harm. Instead, it wrapped me in warmth and pleasure so intense; it could bring me to orgasm. I thought that after I was cured, things would die out between us. He’d not only proved me wrong the previous night, he showed me that things would be so much _better_ now. So why couldn’t I tell him that I loved him?

My breath caught in my throat at seeing so much care, and so much _love_ directed at me. Did I really deserve to be looked at that way? Did I deserve to be looked at like I was _cherished?_ Before my insecurities could completely take over, he leaned in and pressed his lips to mine in a soft, chaste kiss. When he pulled away he came back in to give a quick peck to my forehead, letting a thumb brush over my cheek before he turned back to open the door and head outside. I let out a breath I didn’t realize I’d been holding. Damn brat, getting my heartbeat up from just a kiss…

On the way to the hospital, we went through a donut shop drive-through, much to my disappointment. Eren cheerily tried to sell me on how great their coffee supposedly was. When I took a sip, he looked at me with eager eyes for my reaction.

“Tch… Not bad.” I muttered, which was enough to have him grinning from ear to ear. By the time we arrived at the hospital I’d polished off two donuts and downed my coffee. I was sort of looking forward to going back, in a strange way. I wanted to know if Petra had gotten the paperwork through for my examination for release.

However, any anticipation that I felt immediately vanished when we stepped through the doors to Psychiatrics. I felt like my feet had turned to lead, and my heart to ice. There, standing by the front desk next to Petra, was Dr. Jaeger; Eren’s father. The man I most loathe in the entire building. At his side, Petra stood with a nervous smile that did nothing to ease my panic.

Beside me I heard Eren gasp, while his hand gripped mine in an almost crushing force. Dr. Jaeger eyed me for a moment, and I felt the faintest prickling sensation flutter over my skin. In the past, his had gaze felt like needles ripping through my flesh. I knew I shouldn’t be feeling his gaze at all, but his presence had thrown me. I shut my eyes and tried to focus on relaxing and not being tense or worried.

As the sensation faded, I heard Eren speak up, “Father… What brings you to Psychiatrics?” His tone was level, but I could hear a wave of unease folded into the words. I opened my eyes to stare at the tall, be-speckled man. He wore a tight-lipped smile as he responded.

“I should be asking _you_ that, son. But fortunately, Petra here has already filled me in. Now, if you wouldn’t mind signing the patient back in, I’d like to have a word with you in my office.”

Everything happened in such a blur after that. I wanted to protest, I wanted to scream at Dr. Jaeger, or at Eren. I felt the scream lodged in my throat but I couldn’t react. It was like I was walking comatose as a nurse led me away and to my room.

The sound of the door shutting me in that darkened space broke me from my daze, and I fell to my knees. I wanted to be angry at Eren’s father, I wanted to hate him. But I realized this is where I was destined to be, in this small room in the dark. I looked down at my hands; hands that had done unspeakable things, hands that had _murdered._ I didn’t deserve to be loved. Being locked away… This is what such filth as myself _deserved._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hate me T_T I promise the next update will be soon to make up for how short this chapter is. Next chapter will be pretty much the last, but I'm going to do a lil epilogue to tie some things up. I love you guys!
> 
>  
> 
> [tumblr ❤](http://nelleri.tumblr.com/)


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi's fate is in Dr. Jaeger's hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright my lovelies, this is the last regular chapter. The epilogue after this will tie up loose ends and hopefully close things up proper. Sooooooooooooo, enjoy~

~Eren’s POV~

I followed my father down the halls to his personal office. My heart was thudding away in my chest and it was hard to keep a normal gait. When we entered his office, he shut the door behind us and walked around to sit as his desk chair.

With his fingers steepled under his chin, he said grimly, “Have a seat, Eren.” I obeyed, trying to keep an air of confidence, but likely looking as terrified as I actually felt. He was going to take him away, and he was going to _keep_ him here. After all the hard work we’d done, myself, Hanji, Armin, and especially Levi. All we’ve accomplished, for nothing.

My heart beat painfully when I thought of how much effort Levi had put into his recovery. How I had gotten his hopes up and told him that everything would work out. He probably hated me… I’d fucked it all up. If I hadn’t jumped at the chance to have Levi signed out the previous night, my father wouldn’t have known I was still in contact with him.

My father let out a long sigh, wrenching me from my destructive thoughts. He was staring at me with furrowed brows, looking completely frustrated. “Eren…” he spoke, “You really care about this patient, don’t you?”

My eyes widened. He was acknowledging my feelings. I straightened up and replied eagerly, “Yes, sir. I really do.”

He reclined back in his seat with another sigh. “You know, when you were growing up, I hoped that someday you’d find a nice girl to start a family with. Then when you came out, I hoped that you’d find a man who would make you happy…”

I blushed as he said this, hoping he would understand that Levi was that man for me. “But,” he continued, “You’ve fallen for a Psychiatric patient? You must understand why this concerns me. If I were to have this investigated, and it were found out that you’d been _inappropriate_ with this patient, you would lose your job.”

I gulped, nervously, and attempted to respond, “Yes, I understand. But, Dad… I really do care about him. I-I love him.” As I said this he pressed a hand to his forehead in despair, but I pressed on. “And I’ve helped him, Armin’s been helping him. He’s better now: cured. Even if you don’t approve of our relationship, you have no right to keep him in this hospital.” I finished boldly.

He stared at me for a moment. “Yes, Petra informed me that an outside source had been working with the patient. I should be angry at that, but it seems he was able to do what we couldn’t. Armin always was a sharp one, wasn’t he?” He offered me a small smile which I returned tenfold. Maybe things weren’t as desolate as I thought?

We sat quietly while he thought everything over. I gripped the edge of my seat waiting for him to come to some sort of conclusion. Finally he spoke, “Well, Petra has already turned in the paperwork requesting an examination for release. After seeing the patient today, I can tell that he’s improved by leagues. However, I would still like to examine him myself to ensure it’s safe for him to be released. I’ll schedule it for tomorrow, and if all goes well he will be signed out for good by tomorrow evening.”

I fell back into my chair as waves of relief and blinding happiness shook me. Tears of glee burned my eyes as uncontrollable laughter bubbled up. He was going to be free tomorrow… Everything would finally pay off. It was almost too amazing to believe.

I blinked past the tears and looked to my father who was smiling at me, with warmth in his eyes I hadn’t seen in years. “Th-thank you! Thank you so much!”

“Of course, Eren. I’m merely fulfilling my duty as a doctor, and a father, I suppose.”

We both stood and I practically ran to his side of the desk to hug him tightly. As I did so, I thought about how long it’d been since I’d hugged my father. He gave me a pat to the back and said, “I still want a word with him, I need to know what his intentions are with my precious son.”

I barked out a laugh through the sobs of elation and I could hear him chuckling. When we broke away I asked, “Can I go tell Levi? You kind of scared the shit out of both of us.” He smiled and nodded, and I was out the door in a flash to head back to Psychiatrics.

I stopped at Petra’s desk. She looked up at me with eyes full of worry, but on seeing my gleeful disposition her eyes softened and her posture relaxed as she breathed a sigh of relief. “Judging by your manic grin, I’m guessing it went well?” Her smile was bright, as usual.

I nodded, “Can I borrow a key card? I’ve got permission to see Levi and let him know.”

With the key card in my pocket, I half-ran to Levi’s door, probably one of the last times I’d see this forsaken piece of wood. I doled out a quick knock before turning the handle and rushing inside. It was dark, which usually would be normal, but considering he was cured now, there would be no reason for him to hide in the dark.

“Levi?” I called out, waiting for my eyes to adjust. “Levi can I turn on the lights?”

Silence.

Something wasn’t right… I felt along the wall for the light switch and flipped it on.

All the air left my lungs at what I saw. He was crumpled up on the floor, arms covered in deep, ragged scratches, fingernails dripping blood and small flakes of skin. “Oh God… Oh God oh God oh God.” It was all I could manage to say as I flew to his side and wrapped him up in my arms.

His head turned up to look at me but his eyes were vacant. “Levi, why!?” I screamed as tears blurred my vision. He hadn’t lost much blood, the cuts weren’t deep enough. But seeing him that way, to see him completely without hope, it absolutely wrecked me. He’d given up.

I stood with him in my arms and managed to open the door before barreling towards the nearest medical supply closet. With both of us inside, I set him in the corner and shut the door. He still hadn’t said a word, and though his face was covered in tears, I hadn’t seen any fresh ones fall; it was like he was emotionally dead. I had to snap him out of it before one of the nurses saw. It would be damning for his case; he may not get released the next day if anyone were to see him in this state.

I knelt in front of him and set to cleaning his wounds and fingertips. Considering how shallow the cuts were, I could only assume he was trying to inflict pain, not end his life. After he was all bandaged up, I grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him close to me. “Levi, don’t ever do this again.”

I felt him starting to shake with new tears. He let out a long breath before responding, “Why the fuck shouldn’t I? I’ll be stuck in this hell for the rest of my god damn life. It’s what I deserve.” His voice was scratchy and quiet, like he’d been screaming.

“You’re wrong… God you’re so wrong, Levi. You deserve to be free, to be outside these hospital walls. And you _will_ be, but you’ve got to pull it together, okay?” As I spoke, I ran my hand through his hair.

He leaned back and looked up at me with furrowed brows. “What are you talking about? Isn’t your dad going to fire you or some shit?”

I smiled sweetly and kissed his forehead while I wiped away some of his tears. “My dad said he’ll examine you tomorrow, and that you should be released by tomorrow evening. You’re getting out of here, Levi.”

He stared at me, perplexed, but at least the tears had stopped. His gaze dropped to his bandaged arms and a multitude of emotions warred on his face. His eyelids slid shut and he breathed out heavily. “Damn, I guess I fucked up…”

I bit my lip and tried to think. If he went to the examination tomorrow with obvious self inflicted injuries he would definitely not get released. Not because he would fail the examination, but because it was mandated that all patients at risk for suicide were required to stay admitted for a full 24 hours.

“We’ve got to show Petra.” I said with finality. He just stared at me like I’d lost my mind, so I explained. “She’ll start your 24 hour watch right now, that way you’ll be cleared for these injuries by tomorrow. And I’ll talk to my dad, let him know what happened.”

Levi rolled his eyes, “Yeah, your dad should be _real_ sympathetic.”

“You’d be surprised… After the conversation I had with him earlier, I think he’s coming around to the idea of you and me being together. He just wants me to be happy, and that’s what you make me.”

He groaned as he leaned back to bang his head on the shelf behind him, “Jesus, you’re so cheesy.” I grinned and scooped him up into another hug before sneaking him back to his room.

Petra got the injuries checked out and Levi would have to deal with constant check-ins over night, but by the next evening he would be cleared. My dad seemed surprisingly understanding about the incident. He assured me that, so long as there were no more outbursts during Levi’s 24 hour watch, he wouldn’t hold it against him during the examination.

Before I went to bed that night, I sent a text to Hanji and Armin to let them know the news that Levi would be getting examined for release. Both of them said they would be there the next day for support.

 

I walked in to Psychiatrics about 10 minutes before his appointment. I had expected the bright and excited faces of Hanji and Armin, but I didn’t expect the extremely tall, blonde man standing idly by the professor. He looked out of place, with his solemn expression.

Hanji noticed me eyeing him and ran up to greet me, whispering in my ear, “That’s Erwin.”

I leaned back and stared at them in confused anger, “What the hell?” I whispered back, “Why is Levi’s _ex_ here?”

Hanji quirked a lip in a half smile, “I told him he should come… They’ve both had a lot of time to think about things, and I feel that they would both benefit from _healthy_ closure.”

I glared heavily at the man. As far as I was concerned, he had no business being here. He’d hurt Levi in the past, and he had no right to barge back into his life. Sensing my boiling anger, Hanji spoke again, “This will be good for Levi, trust me.” With a pat on my back the professor walked back to join the other two.

I gave Armin a brief hug and thanked him for coming. He must have already been introduced to Erwin, and knew how I felt about his presence, because he filled the waiting time with incessant chatter about nothing in particular.

It was working well to keep me distracted. That is, until Erwin decided to come up to speak to me. “Hello. Eren, is it?”

I glared up at him and gave a single nod. “Right, well…” he trailed off, not looking entirely sure of what he was doing. He wrung his hands nervously and actually looked apprehensive. It was a strange gesture, it didn’t seem to suit him. “I just wanted to let you know that I hope the best for you two. I don’t want you to think I’ll be getting in the way or anything of the sort. He and I weren’t meant for each other, but I still wish him happiness.”

I was taken aback by his words; I hadn’t expected something so… _nice_. By his expression I could tell that he meant what he said. He really was just there for support and to leave things in a good place between him and Levi. Letting the stern glare drop from my face, I offered him my hand, which he shook vigorously in a strong grip.

With the tension lessened, I fell into a more natural conversation with Armin and Hanji. Every now and then Erwin would interject with his own two cents, and I found it didn’t annoy me as much as it would have before.

Minutes flew by and eventually I turned to see Petra scurrying down the hall towards us. She had a huge grin on her face when she approached me. “Eren! Your father’s just finishing up with some questions, but the physical examination is done. He did great!”

“Thanks Petra.” I said with a huge smile. She fell into the group behind me and I stood at the front, wanting to be the first person Levi saw. When he finally turned that corner, it took every ounce of self control to not charge at him and lift him up in my arms.

He walked at my father’s side with a smug smile, looking only at me. I looked to my father and he gave me a pleased nod, and it was all I could take. I rushed forward to close the distance and wrapped my arms around Levi’s waist, lifting him until his feet were off the ground.

“Damnit brat, I can’t breathe!” he groaned, and I chuckled, loosening my hold and setting him back on the ground. We stared at each other, both grinning like idiots, until the rest of the group joined us.

Hanji slapped him hard on the back and guffawed, “Congratulations, Levi!” Armin offered a gentle handshake coupled with, “We’re very proud of you.” I reached out and grabbed Levi’s hand, knowing what was coming.

Erwin stepped forward from where he was standing at the back, “Levi…”

The small hand that I held tightened its grip as Levi turned to face the person who’d called him. “Erwin?” I didn’t want to admit it, but I was glad for the anger I saw in Levi’s face in that moment.

Erwin lowered his head apologetically, “I know you don’t want to see me, but I wanted to have some proper closure between us. It would be beneficial for us both.”

Levi leveled his glare with Hanji, apparently he could guess whose idea it was. “Levi, I just…” he paused, looking down at his hands before raising his head back up, “I just want you to know that I’m very proud of what you’ve accomplished. And I hope you and Eren, here, will be happy together. You’ve been through a lot, and I hope he can make you as happy as I never could.” He stuck out a hand, which Levi stared at for a moment in disdain.

His gaze then softened, and with the hand that wasn’t clutching mine, he reached out and gave Erwin a firm handshake, muttering, “Thanks” as he did so.

I breathed out in relief, not realizing how tense I’d been throughout their exchange. I guess I had been expecting some sort of outburst like the one I had listened in on all those weeks ago. I turned to Levi and cupped his cheek, delivering a soft kiss to his forehead before gazing into those beautiful dark grey eyes.

It was finally happening. I felt the excitement pulsing through my veins, and I could only imagine how Levi must have felt. After being locked away in this place for so long, he could finally leave. He was finally free after all the trials he’d gone through.

I smiled at him and said the words I’d been itching to say all day, “Let’s get you home.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yaaaaay last chapter woooooooo. It's crazy to think this started as a one-shot, like wow. Y'all are incredible and I love you.
> 
> Later tonight I'll probably going through and updating my older chapters to the ones that [otakutrash-of-england](http://otakutrash-of-england.tumblr.com/) has edited for me.


	18. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We started as a one-shot now we here.  
> ::Edit:: [FANART!!! Thank you mewtalina~ ](http://mewtalina.tumblr.com/post/104678298680/did-some-fan-art-from-an-ereri-fic-room-105-by)  
> Seriously though, I never ever would have expected this turnout. You guys are fucking amazing and all these chapters and the entire story is because of you ^_^ 
> 
> Beta'd by:  
>      [Otakutrash-of-England](http://archiveofourown.org/users/OtakuTrash_of_England/pseuds/OtakuTrash_of_England)  
>      [their tumblr](http://otakutrash-of-london.tumblr.com/)  
> ILOVEYOU❤

~Levi’s POV~

I woke to the very familiar comfort of Eren’s—no— _our_ bed. Even after a few months it was still hard to believe that I finally had a home, a warm bed and a warm body to sleep with. Said body was slumped over half of my chest. It seemed to be a habit of his. I blinked a few times to get the blur of sleep cleared from my eyes and stared up at the ceiling, not yet wanting to move out from under his warmth.

Today was a monumental day, one that I wasn’t sure I was fully prepared for. Armin had continued working with me at the advice of Dr. Jaeger. Slowly, the sessions had begun to change. Instead of drifting me into a peaceful sense of comfort and allowing me to bask in the feeling, he started to prod at my memories.

Nothing came of it for a long while, it seemed like something was blocking my mind from seeing into that dark part of my past. He explained to me that it was I who was restricting access to those memories, and that we’d just have to keep working at it.

Eventually the blockage lifted, and it was truly like I was reliving it. I remember that when he brought me out of hypnosis I was crying hysterically. How could I have forgotten? How could I ever forget that man’s face as he watched with crucial eyes as his subordinates dressed me. The night I had escaped, after I’d killed my Captain, I remembered them dressing me as their leader looked on. That leathery skin and beady eyes, I’d never actually forgotten. I’d seen it in the deepest recesses of my nightmares, but the image would fade when I woke.

The night they took me out to find a new victim, I was blindfolded, but I could smell the ocean, I could hear the waves crashing a distance away. I remembered hearing a loud clanging, and hearing one of the subordinates muttering about the “stupid fucking clock.”

We drove for thirty minutes until I could hear the sounds of city life. Honking cars, engines revving, and people chattering. When they released me into the bar with orders to find a victim, I knew it was my only chance to escape. I wiggled through the bathroom window and ran for my life.

The nightmares of that night would still haunt me. I would dream that they caught me as I tried to run and drag me back to that hell. Armin assured me that bringing them to justice would help ease my mind. That knowing they were behind bars and couldn’t hurt me anymore would ease lessen the anxiety I felt.

So, with Armin on one side of me and Eren on the other side grasping my hand; I relayed my story to the same investigators that had worked on my case previously. I told them everything I remembered; the torture, the Captain, the faces, the smells, the sounds, the bar they’d taken me to, everything. From beginning to end.

With this information they opened the case again. They checked my description of the Captain and managed to find him in their database of missing persons. When they showed me his picture I broke into tears. He looked so healthy and happy I almost didn’t recognize him. I committed that image to my memory, along with his real name: Darron Lux.

Ultimately, between the family and the state, it was decided his death was not to be put on me. So I didn’t need to worry about being charged as long as they could find the true demons that caused his death.

I felt Eren shifting on my chest before he pulled himself up onto his elbows to look down at me. His brow furrowed with worry. “Are you okay? Your heart was pounding so loudly it woke me up…”

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, “Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just nervous.”

Warm lips pressed against mine, soft and reassuring. His hand came up to stroke my hair as he spoke, “You’ll do just fine, Levi. Armin, Hanji, and I will all be there to support you. There’s nothing to be nervous about.”

I tried to heed his words but I couldn’t quell the maddening racing of my heart, or the perpetual nausea that gripped my stomach. The investigators had found prime suspects in the kidnappings, today was the day I would go in to identify them. I was told that there was such astounding evidence against them that I wouldn’t need to show up in court, part of the victim protection plan they followed. All I needed to do was pick them out of a line up.

As I got ready I eyed the mountain of law books on my nightstand. Eren had gotten them for me so I could refresh my memory and learn all that had changed in the world of law since my career had been put on hold. It was amazing how much I had forgotten, but it all came flooding back with the help of those books. Maybe, after today I could actually start to try getting back into the field.

My social anxieties still prevented me from going to public places. I thought back to the night that Eren had suggested I move in with him when I was released, and how I made him promise to take me on a date. If things went well today, and the police managed to find the right people, maybe I could finally collect on that promise. I longed to be able to meld back into society without the constant fear of those disgusting pieces of shit finding me again.

 

It seemed like only seconds had passed, but there I was sitting in the car outside of the police department. I stared at the building looming in front of us and had a quiet moment of panic. Eren’s hand found mine quickly, sensing my apprehension. “We can do this, Levi.”

That’s right, “we.” I wasn’t alone anymore. Forcing down my anxiety, I stepped out of the car and walked inside. Hanji and Armin were already there, waiting with nervous smiles. Hanji gave me a tight hug coupled with a kiss to my temple. They normally weren’t so tenderly affectionate, but I appreciated it.

Eren notified the receptionist, and we were shortly escorted inside and into a room with a large window covered in blinds. My heart felt like it was in my throat, choking me and making my breaths come in shallow. On the other side of the glass, one of the people that had ruined my life and subjected me to the worst kind of human torture stood. The only thing separating me from them was the pane of glass and the blinds.

I felt Eren’s grip on my hand tighten as his thumb stroked my knuckles. Hanji’s hand calmly came to rest on my shoulder, and Armin gave me an encouraging nod from where he stood at Hanji’s side. The detective came in the room and explained what would happen, being sure to stress the fact that the people on the other side would not be able to see me.

Even knowing this, it was impossible for me to hold myself still when the blinds were lifted. He was there, the mastermind that was behind it all. His leathery skin wrinkled around those same beady eyes that had stared at me from the darkness all that time ago.

A small whine escaped me and I tried desperately to back out of the room, stumbling over my own feet as they failed to move properly. Eren grabbed me around the waist and whispered in my ear, “Shh... It’s okay. He can’t see you. He can’t see you. Breathe. Just breathe.”

I choked on my breaths but managed to calm down. That’s right, he couldn’t see me. The tables had turned, I could see him, but he couldn’t see me. This made a strange sense of power run through me. I straightened up and approached the glass. The terror from moments ago was forgotten as I stared at him. He looked scared, beneath it all.

“Number 4.” I said with certainty.

“Are you sure?” the detective asked.

I nodded my head, “Absolutely.”

The detective knocked on the glass four times, and I saw that man’s face drop into one of sheer panic. He knew he was done for, and being able to see that realization hit him made my blood pump excitedly. He and his cronies would all get what they deserved; I’d make sure of that.

The rest of the identifications went far more smoothly, I had no more panic attacks. Instead, I functioned in a cool state of control fueled by my desire for justice. Not only justice for me, but for Darron, and all who had suffered the same fate as him.

The detectives had connected 6 other missing persons to this ring of torture ran by Kenny Ackerman, the beady-eyed man. When they found the building where the crimes had taken place, there were two young adults, stripped and chained to the ground. It seemed that Kenny didn’t feel like stopping even after I had escaped.

Those two had been returned to their families, scarred but not broken. The families of the deceased could now properly bury their loved ones, as the bodies had been found buried under layers of cement behind the building. It all seemed like a fucked up ending to me, but at least it was over. Those sick fucks would be put behind bars and maybe Kenny would even get the death penalty.

 

The entire drive home, Eren kept stern, focused eyes on the road; and a white-knuckle grip on the steering wheel. He looked so tense, meanwhile I felt strangely relaxed. Once we were inside the apartment, he spun on me and wrapped me in his arms so tightly, I could hardly breathe.

“Eren?”

I felt him sigh against my neck as his fingers dug desperately into my skin. “You have no idea how badly I wanted to slam my fist through that glass and tear those bastards limb from limb.”

I smiled, touched by his protectiveness. Who’d have thought that the clumsy first-time resident that had stumbled into my room all those months ago would end up being the most important person in my life? He had saved me from the bleak fate I’d come to accept and helped me be free from those hospital walls.

I burrowed my head down into the crook of his neck and looped my arms over his shoulders while I thought of all he’d done for me. Everything that I had accomplished was because of him. Without him, I probably never would have gotten proper treatment and overcome my condition. Without that, I would have never been able to help in capturing the pieces of shit that had kidnapped me.

All in all, if it weren’t for him, I would still be trapped in that small dark room, haunted by ghosts of my past. I owed him my life, and there he was, clinging to me like I was the most precious thing in existence. I still battled with my feelings of self worth, but with all the attention he constantly gave me, that insecurity was slowly ebbing away. I was beginning to feel that maybe I _did_ deserve to experience this. He loved me, and I felt the same.

Although, I still had never said those words to him… My heart sunk with guilt as I realized how patient he had been. He entirely devoted himself to me. He’d opened his home to me without question, even though I couldn’t get a job to pay rent because I was still working on my social anxieties. He spent all his free time in his apartment because I was still afraid to go to public places and he didn’t want me to be alone. He had graciously accepted me into his life with open arms and no complaints. And I still couldn’t say three measly words to show him how much I appreciated him.

I leaned back, taking his face in my hands and angling it so he was looking directly at me. His eyes were glossy with unshed tears. Tears that had built up on my behalf, because of how much I meant to him. Yeah, I owed him…

“Eren…”

He hummed dreamily as he continued to stare at me.

I let a small smile play at my lips before finally, _finally_ …

“I love you.”

His eyes screamed his disbelief as his jaw dropped. Without even blinking, a large tear finally dropped down the side of his face. I smiled and wiped it away with a thumb, looking at him with raised eyebrows.

Finally he managed to speak, “…You… You… _Levi!_ ”

And with that, his mouth came crashing over mine in sloppy desperation. He whined into the kiss and I could feel more tears running over my thumbs that still rested on his cheeks.

With his lips still touching mine, and hot breath washing over my mouth he croaked, “I love you, Levi… I love you so fucking much.”

I grinned and rolled my eyes, trying to appear nonchalant even as my heart beat wildly in my chest and my veins were alive with adrenaline.

“I love you too, brat. Now, I seem to recall a few months ago, a certain little shit promising to take me on ‘one _hell_ of a date’.”

His lips quivered into a smile as he nodded his head vehemently. Those dazzling blue-green eyes that had started it all, shimmering away with love and adoration as he stared down at me. And I felt I could die happy so long as he never stopped looking at me like that. My guardian angel, my savior…

My _love._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wouldn't have felt right if the dirtbags didn't get caught, ya know? 
> 
> Hope you're all satisfied with how things turned out. I couldn't have asked for a better community of people to pop my fanfic-cherry with. You've all been super supportive and GOD the compliments damn near make me wanna cry. I love you guys so much T u T
> 
>  
> 
> [And if you wanna be tumblr friends, don't be shy.](http://nelleri.tumblr.com/)

**Author's Note:**

> [Let's be frands](http://nelleri.tumblr.com/)


End file.
